EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

With snowflakes falling in the greater Seattle Region, afternoon commuters will be boarding packed buses filled with the homeless who are trying to escape the cold. Commute times are expected to be extreme as the destitute will be holding up the bus as he fumbles for fare at every stop. Expect the average street wino to move the party to the bus leading to riotous conditions in the back of most coaches, the 211, thunderbird and Old English will be being passed around freely. Metro Transit Police presence will be light as they have been delayed due to a bus filled with incorigable drunks this afternoon in the Georgetown district. As per recent commuter alerts-it is highly advised to seek alternate transportation this afternoon as most coaches will be jacked up to capacity. Recent reports claim the beer tax is to be triple of what was earlier disclosed, if the local vagrant population gets wind of this this afternoon.... The possibility of general bum rioting is extremely high.