Drove to work today, no bus report

Cheech n Chong smokin it out at the transit center

These boys ain't messing around either, there sitting in a shelter roasting bowls and they got a stack of costco pizza's there working on, way to plan ahead... wonder if there from the dumpster? And a rather heavy contigent of lynnwood bremelo's are wearing out the pavement here at the transit center, yep! there getting on the bus to mountlake terrace continuing through lynnwood. And here comes my ride..... Well I'll try n get the morning report going again tommorow, have a good night.

WOW!

This dude who just got on looks just like Snake Pliskenn from 'Escape from New York' he's got the eye patch and is clutching a container of Fred Meyer beefaroni likes its kobe beef or somethin. And the police is investigating the theft of more handi snacks from the dollar store....

and....... continuing on...

Up in shoreline I see what looks to be a shopping cart rally taking place in the brown bear parking lot, definately some sort of hoarding activity. And in the burnt out NW discount world, there's a guy in there who's standing in there butt ass naked, first naked dude sighting of the season confirmed, it won't be the last.. that much is certain, just wait and see what happens when hemp fest goes down. Almost to the transit center...

And heading northbound, 358 express

We got some ho's workin oak tree village today, "hey ladies why don't you move up a block and pitch steve a freebie". But no sign of steve today, ohh wait.. there he is coming out of the AMPM with a hotdog in hand. The home depot has a few workers stationed out front... OHH LORD! There's a bum taking a dump in the bushes out front of the Crispy Creme, they got to stop givin these boys the free donut holes!

This dude at the stop looks like the witch from Evil Dead!

Where is my BOOM-STICK! When I need it, this guy took a long fall down the ugly tree before he came out of his cave this morning Now let's see how to post a pic of the infamous 358.......

Wednesday, 4 - 28

All bus shelters are currently occupied by washout's today, bus 44 has a heavy load of dweebs and nerda onboard this afternoon and atleast one stump necked american idol washout. And a amish gentleman is holding a prayer group in the front section, shouldn't he be riding on a wagon? 358 stop approaching...

I had to hitch hike this morning

YOUR TUESDAY AFTERNOON COMMUTE FORCAST

With heavy April showers falling and the inevitability of your buses heat being maxed out tonight, all commutes will be tempered with the putrid smell of bum schweat and public restroom, the humidity will be extremely high onboard your coach leading to a H1N1 virus advisory, avoid all persons who exhibit flu like symptons. The local transient population will be onboard in force in standardized bum procedure of napping on the bus when it rains. As for this rider, I will be safely hunkered down at happy hour celebrating 999 days left until presidential change, thus avoiding the trauma of a overheated journey on a bus packed with sickly deviants, ride at your own risk...

The Malt Liquor Bulls 4-27

The 40 ouncers were being consumed hard n heavy in the back of this mornings 358 by a couple of dudes who were tryin to sell their bus transfers for 75 cents and bum smokes from old ladies, it was quite pathetic, as the heat was jacked to nearly 100 degrees I was knocked unconsious with heat stroke, just barely waking in time for my stop. With the sighting of a hobbiton looking youth who had a garbage sack that wreaked of rotten fish, the Trash appears to be out in force once again. Please standbye for your evening commuter forcast to be brought to you courtesy of Kibbles n Bits during the noon hour.

358 express

I'm on an empty coach as I didn't feel like crowding into the shanghai special that pulled in a minute before this one, so I'm expecting a swift trip up the line today. I did see washed-out willy get on that crowded bus, with the odors that eminate from that guy, injuries are possible on that bus. So dead on this one I might just doze off for a few...

4-26 evening commute and trailer trash sightings

At my first stop I got this loser of a kid in a oakland A's letterman coat bummin money and this young lady who could be cartman's stunt double, she just tried to bum 50cents for the bus, NEGATIVE, but I'm watching my back after that, because she could do some serious damage with the girth she's packin around... So this oakland A's kid is the picture of cordination, has the letterman coat topped with a K-Fed hat, pants on the ground hanging on neon purple fake nike's. And of course the 44 driver gots the heat jacked up to 110, the bird flu is festering on this bus, loaded with what looks like the lower half of the intelligence pool...... that r letting everone know what they think about things, I just want to tell these hippies to shut up.

get a carpool on monday

Don't mess around with the pissed off on Monday morning, carpool to work or hitch hike!

Almost a Record

Considering I clocked out of work at 4:05, am on my second bus and am pulling into the transit center 45 minutes later, with one more bus to go, todays total elasped time will be like 1:15 minutes, not to bad considering its roughly a 35 minute drive home in evening traffic without the entertainment.

All ABOARD!

Once again heading northbound, sitting in back today and the County did it again, this bus is overloaded with the 'just released' from King County Jail, they do that before the weekend so they have room for all the drunks and brawlers that get a case of herodom on Friday nights. One of these guys even has his standard issue jailhouse sandals still on, man... it wreaks on this bus! As we pass through the north Seattle crack zone... these convicts start to disembark, and pedro sitting in the seat in front of me is having a good ole time perusing porn on his phone. Well were making good time atleast.. already passing through 105th, and its good to see SnowSuit back in position on his corner, looks as if he hit up the Goodwill for some lighter weight summer gear as he's sporting some Van's and a Puma Warm-Up Suit today, and there it is, some passers-by are handing over the type of donation that don't gingle. No workers in front of the Home Depot today, well it is Friday, must be a world cup game or bullfighting championships on today. Now we have a suspicious looking skallywagg boarding at the K-Mart stop, shoes all broken down, soiled jeans with muddy knees and a tattered leather coat to go with a Forrest Gump beard n Sonic's hat, wait.... this nasty hag with a kid just asked me if I was playing a game, "like ya... I'm playing space invaders and would love to let your boy fuck with my phone and then let you make a call or two also, just to go with helping pay your wellfare and for your foodstamps" shit! Now the kid is climbing up on me trying to see what game I'm playing, the mother starts cussing him out, he's like 4 or 5 years old. I'm moving seats, its gettin a little bit to trashy back here.

SPECIAL EDITION of the 358 EXPRESS

Having cancelled my Happy Hour foray this evening for the good of the BLOG, I'm currently waiting for the arrival of my first bus, and looking around I see this 15 somethin year old kid walking, holding hands with what must be his girlfriend, she is ROTUND to say the least and has a baby strapped to her mass. Future Millionaires... these two are, and I'm sure the'll be good upstanding taxpaying citizens if they ever get off wellfare! I'd just like a thankyou and my yardwork done forever from these people that we all pay to make babies and stuff their faces with Little Ceasars and Taco Bell all day. Anyways... with the ShitBird Lester out of the phsych ward on furlough, anything could happen on tonights run up HoRoRa.

with 'Lester' the shitbird out n about... your Friday Commuter Advisory

Rain will be falling when you board your bus this afternoon, leading to a generally miserable hot, musty and humid commute tonight, as per standard Friday commuter recommendations.. SEEK ALTERNATE TRANSPORTATION, I know that's what I'm doing, still undecided as to where I will be bunkered down for Happy Hour, but with a 5:10 first pitch for the Mariners game tonight, I will be getting there with a swiftness. And finally... avoid all shitbirds, who are usually residing in bus shelters and the back doors of local strip clubs.

Friday Morning Recap....

Well we had good action on the bus this morning, but as I was hauling ass for a connecting bus, the body of the post got dumped or lost, just a minor problem with doin business from todays phones... And to this mornings 358 recap........ It all starts with Lester (who obviously is swinging from the backwater Okanogan inbred family tree) is greeted by another fledgling methadoner as I board bus 358, after being asked "how you feeling" Lester replies "I feel like a bird took a shit on me". These two characters proceeded to get off at the Shoreline Methadone Center to line up with the 300 people waiting for their daily dose of taxpayer subsidized methadone, "glad to know I could do my part in keeping them strung out". Further south, the Washelli Zombies were out in force again and there was no sign of snowsuit steve at 105th once again. Keeping a sharp eye out for any activity near the zoo, a transient youth boarded and sat down behind me and started grunting like a pissed off tiger, this kid had the look of an elf from the lord of the rings goin on, I guess that's what livin closs to the animals will do... and unexpectedly I arrive at my connection point early, so I high-tail it over to my next bus stop and lost the post I had ready to upload. Such is life

'Lester' is feeling like a bird shit on him...

Damn.... I lost the body to this post.... will have to find it and post up later...

transit center

Ahh Shit.... Jim Bob Mckenzie is raising hell outside the dollar store on 200th, waving his arms up in the air all wild eyed as the cashier is shooing him off with a broom, wonder what he did? Probally the typical attempted heist of some cheese n crackers or somethin similiar. And as we pull into the transit center, this lady who is obviously in her mid twenties is arguing over fare, she tells the driver she's 15 and bolts off the bus, the driver says "she's been 15 for 6 years" I think she should be prosecuted for not paying, I consider that stealing from you and I-the taxpayer. And there is a ho all decked out in lace stockings and a fur coat working the transit center today, with the way she looks, her office is the transit centers handicapped porta-potty, and with the arrival of connecting bus, I will conclude todays report, off course if something compelling arises, I will fire this report back up and bring you the scoop, goodnight and gooday'

Garbage Strike to End at midnight

With the news the teamsters are going back to work without a contract, local hoarders and vagrants are acknowledging that Christmas will be ending, looking out on the Shoreline area, I see a sea of abandoned shopping carts in front of numerous bars n lounges, heaps of trash line the road. Well atleast my garbage will get picked up tonight, I was getting pretty worried I might go out the door and see that Bear's ass sticking out of the can.

at Oaktree Village...

The bus shelter at Oak Tree Village is occupied by what looks like... 'the hillbilly's from Deliverance' no joke. There just sitting there sunning their bellies oblivious to a thing. And passing through 105th I see no sign of SnowSuit Steve, somethin must be up, he don't leave his spot wide open like this very often, and he's gone missing from it quit a bit recently, I wonder if he could be shacking up with someone, it sure isn't like him to cut out of work early. And in front of the Home Depot, a sign of the tough economy, today there's atleast 25 workers still waiting to get picked up, hmmm...

rolling north, bus 358

And we got a ginger on board, this chick with fire red hair has a stud the size of a gobstopper hangin below her lip, Ahh.... the freakshow continues....... I wonder what SnowSuits up to today.........

at 46th n HoRoRa waiting for 358

Just a second ago a teenager, like 16 or 17, asked me if the bus heading North would take him downtown, "What the Heck?" You can see the Space Needle and the buildings from this stop when looking south. This is an example of the education our tax dollar provides today at Seattle Public Schools. I mean... "Really?" A 16 year old don't know wich way to go to get downtown from two miles away when its in clear view! Just an observation on the state of our nations youth.....

ABOARD BUS 44

O.K., we got a couple of longhaired pot-heads playing a xylephone in back, the smell of guanga is thick on this bus, it adds a rather relaxing ambiance to the onboard entertainment, and.... the 358 is only minutes away...

Afternoon Commute

With loaded derelict sprawled out across the bus shelter, the evening ride home is about to begin. This guy is a reall piece of work, he gots khakis on, with some value village Timberland boots all decked out with a tank top and a Top Gun bomber jacket, his pack is loaded with 40's and in between his belches and wet flatulance I detect snoring, we'll just let this guy continue sleeping it off when the bus comes....

EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

DUE TO PLAYBOY MAGAZINES ongoing shoot of 'The Girls of The Pac-10 on the Univercity of Washington Campus, all buses passing through the U-District should be avoided as an assembly of local deviants is converging on this film shoot in hopes of catching a peek.

Monkey Update

It appears that rumors that monkees escaping from the Zoo are false, as I have failed to find any coraborating information on the news sites, but I did find several reports of bear sightings yesterday in the Shoreline area, so... I will deduce that I did in fact see a bear this morning...

Police activity at woodlawn park zoo

Seeing SPD cruisers ringing parts of the zoo, one has to wonder if the monkees gone done jumped the fence again... Will do some research and post my findings on this later....

Gurney Boy

With the gurney boy onboard, the odor from the cathater bag strapped to the side of the gurney, rolls through the bus, windows are opened to be slammed shut by the resident riders who are riding to warm up... I overhear the gurney boy say how he's taking it in to the shop for a tune up...

Southbound, bus 358

Passing the food shop on 185th I see a large group of methadoners chomping down on breakfast biscuits, although mathadoner ridership is light this morning... and this can change at any moment. What's this.. some teenage kid just got on geared up with pink bunny ears on his hoodie, and his girlfriend has excellent potential for future HoRoRa Trampdon, and ohh lord..... the Gurney Boy is boarding at 130th....

WOW! I just saw a black bear run across the road!

Check it out, a Black Bear just ran across Edmonds Way and into the bushes behind Mcdonalds. Well I guess the bears have smelt the garbage strike. Or could it have been Conan's masturbating bear?

Apologies are in order..... and a 358 evening recap

Having had to manage my fantasy baseball squad during the run up HoRoRa Avenue this evening, I apologize for not reporting live to the faithfull, yet I did make sure to observe... The following is a brief recap of evnts, situations and vagrants witnessed earlier tonight. With the onset of the Garbage Strike and the site of mutiple garbage can pilferings from Greenlake to Shoreline, one would want to lose concern with the mass of refuse that could pile up over the ensuing weeks, as maybe the average vagrant could be multi-tasked to garbage dog status. But with the general unreliability of the homeless or street bum, it would be a miracle if they made a discernable dent in the amount of refuse an American Household creates in a day. Possible solutions to this would be to begin a campaign discribing how there is money at the bottom of that garbage pile or a rumor that most citizens throw out full beers that are more than three days old. And after all this thought... I will relate how earlier I saw a gathering of bums in the back of the Old Country Buffet in Shoreline, who were obviously in line for first dibs on excess mashed potatoes n gravy, thinking on this... Buffets, Groceries with Delis and Restaurants could have a cheap affordable solution to there refuse problem in the coming weeks-a back door Buffet for the Homeless or as some would say.. Urban Survivalists, throw some tip money under the random plate of rolls, and see how the bums line up the next day hoping for the random gratuity. One thing is certain, the greater Seattle region's level of destitution is surely to go up during the Garbage Strike! Hoarding will be to the extreme, as businesses will become desperate to get rid of all the shit piling up on the compactor, local home improvement warehouses will be hard pressed to dispose of the truckload of waste they produce in a day, many forced to hire the migrant workers out front to shovel the shit into the back of trucks to get shipped out to other cities for disposal, hoarders will be in the midst of all the garbage chaos, searching for items that they must have, loading shopping carts and packing bags of SHIT onto the bus for transport back to the shithouse they live in! All this as Spring is preparing to let the bleakness and horror of Summer bus commuting.. rear its ugly face. And throughout this all, the city will be enduring a festering rat problem alonside the bum who lives under a bridge. So later on near the Aurora Village Transit Center, I saw something that would make the, American Indian shed a tear, several cartloads of trash had been rolled down the median into the bushy hill above COSTCO, crashing into the fence and distributing trash all over a Green Strip, the crows were foraging and shitting all over the place... it was pathetic. And to wrap this report up, several divergant groups of youth were about to fight near Bay-4 of the transit center, use your imagination on what happened next....

Wednesday Evening commute

Bus 358 is jammed with scurvy this afternoon, three wheelchair riders have the front all jammed up, narrowly allowing pasengers to move through, and a lady has a walker that's loaded with grocery bags strapped to a seat. Passing by greenlake I see three guys rifleing through an overturned garbage can...

GARBAGE MEN GO ON STRIKE

With the impending garbage strike, commuters can expect local bus shelters to be jammed with shopping carts loaded with refuse, as local transients will be capitalizing on the unexpected abundance of loot accumulating around neighborhood dumpsters. Expect bus aisles to be jammed with cartloads of recyclables as Hoarders have an early Christmas and maximize their collections of newspapers n plastic jugs. For those of you going to the grocery market and local businesses, expect a severe shortage of shopping carts as these are currently being commandered for loot collection by the homeless. Your afternoon commute is expected to be a wild one, with the transient, wide eyed in glory, in fascination with the abundance of trash to rummage through.

Tuesday Morning

With my alarm clock mysteriously being turned off, a carpool to work is currently underway, as today I'm doin my part to save the whales and a tree.

APOLOGIES....

Due to extremely busy work day where my brain wasn't functioning near peak performance, due to lack of sleep, due to doing laundry all night, due to not getting it done on Sunday, due to getting the boat ready for shrimp season... Today wil be an abbreviated version as I'm sitting at a Taco Truck bullshiting with the guys and grubbing carne asada with corona's , running into 'THE CARB' is always a good omen as when that cruiser appears out of the blue... good things happen! So I'll just discuss future plans for the blog, all suggestions are welcome. More forays to the downtown region are planned in the next few weeks as the misses and I are on a mission to find new happy-hour joints around downtown, a companion blog has been set up to discuss what we find, enjoy, and don't. And from the urging from co-workers, destination bus forays are planned on the new light rail to the airport, a bus n shuttle run to the track, a trip on the waterfront taxi, and a day investigating the hooligans that ride kitsap transit... all in an effort to dig up every last transient worthy of a nickname in the greater dumping grounds that can be connected or transferred to from Metro Route 358, Uhh Ohh.....we got some breaking news.....

Bus of the Living Dead...

Upon boarding bus No. 15 northbound I see a coach loaded with burnt n shell-shocked workers... Something happened on this bus, what have these people seen? Upon further investigation I learn that until recently a pack of 15 or so crazed drunk n high teenagers had been onboard terrorizing everyone with threats of gang rape and injury, until they finally disembarked at Trader Joes to go see one of their ho's. Ohh, and look who's here, and old friend of the show, Carbuerator Bill, we greet and I ask him how's he been? Bill, a notorious imposter at the old Ballard Denny's who's smoked an armies worth of weed in his day is still rolling with his classic beehive haircut and Elvis shades, and today he even has a jumpsuit on! This is a real treat! As Bill who used to live above a whorehouse in Honolulu is rife with classic stories off free love and epic bong hits! Today 'The Carb' tells me he's on his way back from trying out for a porn flick, see the Carb used to do soft core cinemax porn back in the day... But it sounds like he's out of business. The Carb says he's living with a divorced broad these days and is living large off her families trust fund, this I can see with the load of Archie Mcphee gear he's got sequestered under his seat, and with this Bill gets off at the SnM shop on 80th to turn in his bondage rental, what an old cat... that guy is... still pimpin himself out when he's got to be pushing 80 years old.

Morning Report... Negative.... Nothing Happened... as I caught a beeing green car-pool ride in to the shop today

"Holy SHIIT!"

O.K., I'm off that bus and the enormous dude is trapped on the lift asking for help off the bus from me, the driver is like.. "don't do nothin, help is on the way" poor guy is trapped in mid-air, and the driver is telling him he's liable if he tries to climb down n falls, this is horseshit! How can you be liable if the buses lift breaks? How would one know if it was gonna be stable? Well I see a metro supervisors van pulling in... I think I'll walk up the hill and make my connection because this situation is in the capable hands of the supervisor now... I take the bus Number Down and note the time.. as I may just call and complain about this. Well onward n forward, another day of bus riding almost done with, time to cook and watch baseball, until tomorrow.....

Its official, today is fat hog monday

With moving forward and escaping the pig-pen in back, I see what looks like a group try out for the fattest of the biggest loser's up front, and this one gal looks like a beached manatee the way she's got her girth all flopped on the bench, and lord... she's got a bag with 4 pizzas in it! And this other enormous man is across the aisle with a bag of KFC and a Subway bag with two subs in it and he's eating a AMPM dogg.... And he's getting off by the YMCA, asks for the lift. NASTY! This dude gets up and most of his ass is hangin out to the horror of the commuters sitting close by. And.... FUCK ME! The FUCKING lift jams on his way down.. the driver is trying to get it up then down.. all I hear are burnt hydraulics," BACK DOOR" I holler! And get off this ASS SMELLIN BUS

welcome to te city of shoreline

And the ride is getting more uncomfortable as some fat bastard is chomping on BBQ as loud as possible, and what is it with people who got to eat like hogs? are they proud they got somethin to eat or what?

passing through 85th, on the crack in the box side

Ohh man, this isn't good, we got this big guy with a mane of santa claus hair workin his case of hemmoroids over as he proceeds down the aisle, c'mon dude! There's kids onboard! And we're about to see if snowsuit is manning his corner, and yes! Steve is getting a donation from a guy who just came out of the Pro Golf shop, this is good! I was worried with all his wandering as of late that he might have gotten aced out of his prime location on 105th. And at Home Depot the new chain link fence has been cut, and I got this crazy lookin kid with his possibly unique sister mowing down through what looks like 6 Arby's sandwiches, wait... I'm getting some dialogue from this, it would appear they don't 'do it that often', from my perspective.. this is one couple who should never breed. They just got off at K-Mart, big surprise there.

Northbound Bus 358

And upon boarding, some Ho was coming down the stairs and her pajamas were hangin just a little low, with pimply beaver hangin out above the draw string, just a reminder of things to come in the ensuing months of summer, I've seen stark naked people along this route before, just hangin it all out on the side of the road in pathetic displays of shamelessness. But as for now, we just have to hope for spring showers, that generally keep the naked deviant in the laundromat.....

And we got a bus backing down Aurora Ave N.

It would seem the No. 5 driver missed the turn off as bus No. 5 is in full reverse on HoRoRa Ave N. And 46th street, just a major calamity in the works, now cars are swerving passed it, laying on their horns and yes, a few irate motorists are even bombarding it with water bottles and coffe cups as they pass, well the 5 bus made it without causing a major accident, time for some refreshments...

Monday PM commute

With the sight of a rancid whiskey trot at my regular bus shelter on NW Market Street, its clear that the Hobo's are still on the loose. I'll just have to proceed up the way to the next shelter to escape the swarm of festering fly's. Word from Olympia is concerning... The governor has refused to meet with bum congress for a forum that they had hoped to convene over the new beer tax. Olympia was not a good experience for the vagrants, as numerous calls were made to local authorities complaining about the sudden influx of panhandlers, locals were generally tight with their spare change and churches closed their doors to the hooligans. A mass of hobo's are currently using Burlington Northern/Santa Fe freight trains to travel back north to the greener pastures of the greater Seattle region. With rain in the forcast, all bridge underpasses will be in heavy use by the vagrant, bus shelters will also become temporary hospices for the bum, so plan your commute accordingly. STANBYE for live updates from bus 358...

Monday morning commuter forcast

Due to the ongoing bum gathering in Olympia, general bumanship and bum deviance is expected to be lighter than normal this week, leading to a lightening of the Bum Condition meter to BumCon-4. Although, the level of generally mentally ill transients is expected to be lighter, the prescence of increased numbers of delinquent youths is predicted, this mostly due to warmer temperatures with the approach of summer. So your commute for the next several days should be uneventful, other than the possibility of a pack of punk-ass kids behaving like wild animals on your coach.

UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE

UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE THE UNITED STATES CITIZEN WITH A JOB IS WEARING THE YELLOW JERSEY. CONSIDERING THAT WE ARE BEARING THE BURDEN OF TWO LAZY PEOPLE AND ONE PERSON THAT GOT SCREWED OUT OF WORK BECAUSE THEY WERE PROBALY LAZY AND NEEDED TO BE LET GO, ANYONE WHO IS A WORKING AMERICAN GETS TO WEAR THE YELLOW JERSEY UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE, AND TO AMMEND EARLIER POSTS, THE BUM SIGNAGE OF THE WEEK IS NOW ALLOWED TO WEAR THE BROWNISH NEON JERSEY. As working citizens of this great country, we share a burden of knowing that the company counts on us to get it done because, we can. And with this mini rant I conclude with a proposal for a new Working American Citizen's Holiday, This Monday will be....................

'BUM A COUPLE BUCKS BACK FROM THE BUMS DAY'
If your sick of financing these lazy people, or tired of funding the destitution of America, you'll know what to do on monday... Bum a couple of bucks from a bum! or try ... It's like "schindlers list" if you ask a bum for money. You probally will come to remember these facts, the bum has been conditioned to expect sympathy from the working individual, the bum has been on wellfare that you as a working tax paying American have paid into for years, and the bum is feeling empowered with promises from the current administration of change,

I look at it this way, we'll give you bums some change and just shut the fuck up and dont say "whats this, I cant even get a corndogg with this shit" and when overhearing that comment.. this is the oportune time to flick the last penny from your pocket to the ground in the perfect arc for maximum jingle, just so you can see in person how the not so desperate are still maintaining their street coin.

So those of you who have a job and go to work every monday, ITS YOUR DAY TO WEAR THE YELLOW JERSEY, break out any yellow shirts, blouses, or sweaters. Mondays from now on are going to be yellow jersey days for the good working people of America. By wearing the YELLOW JERSEY on monday, you will be a leader in the movement towards ending the financing of the unwilling n lazy. GO GET YOUR YELLOW JERSEY TODAY and remember if a bum approaches you for money with the YELLOW JERSEY on, give em a heel or the boot! Everyone around the world knows that you dont mess with the YELLOW JERSEY! And thats what were going to do in this country, its gonna start with the YELLOW JERSEY on mondays, no more whining about monday! monday will be a great day... its the day you get to wear the YELLOW JERSEY to work in support of the working person across the Nation!

DISCAIMER ATTENTION DISCAIMER

I have in no so manner any offiliation with the confederate flag, the assholes on my video bar are just what this site posted up when I typed in these keywords, bums, alcoholics and trailer trash, so therefore, happy weekend everyone, have a nice Saturday.. and remember... no matter how much someone pisses you off today at a family function or a party with friends, STAY CLASSY! why you may ask, we'll from my recent experiences from downtown Seattle to Everett W.A., a stretch of thirty miles of American soil, I have been accosted for money from bums wherever I go, so this weekend at the mall or if your the dude who didn't get none last nite because your an asshole... this weekend every working American gets to wear the yellow jersey! I'm calling it! Damnit! its time to tax the bums! when accosted for change or dollars please respond with "well its good you got that much, I sure could use it to help out for my next beer at the OPERA I'm going to later, could you spare any loose change for snacks also" and dont waver one little bit when you say it, stare the motherfucker down and enjoy the confused red faced look on the face! DO IT! I did it last night! after a bum approached me while I was walking with my lady. He almost got the RED WING STEEL TOED BOOT to the mouth, but that would have got me negative points on th homefront, so I reverted to policy and begged for money from the destitute! dude looked plenty able and younger than my 39 years, so if you need money, you better be willing to work for it, "so dance motherfucker" "do a tap dance or moonwalk for me" then you'll get your two bits.

SEATTLE MARINERS WIN! 11 - 3

And with this win I run up my streak to 22 games without a loss at SAFECO FIELD when attending and not being ejected during the game! I'm proud of this 22 game win streak and I got a road win along the way at Dodger Stadium to bring my streak to 23games without a loss when watching the Mariners play with my own eyes. And now... to a recap of the deviance that transpired inside the SAFE earlier tonight. As we hanged above the bullpen most of the game as we scored $15 dollar nosebleed seats from a sappy smellin scalper on Occidental just after 1st pitch, the bullpen was the place to be when one considers I dont sit upstairs at SAFECO unless its the Club, Suites, or front row of the nosebleeds. So just moments ago... just about at the final pitch, were hanging next to the FOX SPORTS NW Pit above the bullpen bar, Brad Adam n Kreuger take their seats for the post game show and... Brad starts digging voraciously in his right nostril... and yes... he did save the home viewing audience from the horror of the seeing in high definition thehair he extracted. And for those of you wondering about the two red necks I rode on the bus earlier with, Yes they were seen at the game. Texas and Ranger were seen putting an ole fasion ho-down on a group of bullpen tramps in the lower bullpen bar around the 2nd inning, the hilarity of it all was these bullpen tramping regulars were posing with those two 'dudes' for pics for their own comedy relief, Texas n Ranger were soaking it all in with dreams of getting some action in Seattle, then they went to show-off their athletic prowness at the speed pitch, Ranger at the urging of the kids in line attempted a major league wind-up and ripped out his crotch while Texas shamed the Moyer family with a battery of wild 40 mph sinking balls. After all this the girls managed to get these two 'studs' to purchase them several rounds of drinks with a few hugs and smiles. I saw Texas n Ranger getting beer thrown on them from a passing Dodge Truck a few minutes ago while they were waiting at a bus stop on 1st Ave.. alone. THE MORAL TO THIS STORY - dont go to the ballpark dressed for midget tossing and auto racing GEAR! And to further deviance at the ballpark, as we proceeded around the main concourse during the third inning, I noticed an obvious street transient loading ketchup, mustard and relish up into baggies at one of the condomint dispensors. HOW PATHETIC! Where are the ushers when deviance of this nature is going on, taxpaying, ticket buying, baseball fans do not want to have to negotiate with a bum to get to the condomint machine, so they can put some mustard on their dogg. I proceeded to make sure I gave the above mentioned deviant a healthy nudge as I passed by only to hear "hey buddy, watch where your going" as I continued on... Then after spending and consuming the rest of my SAFECO 2010 drink budget, I went into a flooded restroom with tossed over garbage cans n flooded urinals clogged with rolls of TP. So now, the punk-ass youth of our country is allowed to mess up baseball. My Question is... why is security always watching me, making sure I dont heckle an opposing player to intelligently and not making sure drunks dont go deface the restrooms at my ballpark that yes, I did help to pay for through taxes. Anyways... didnt have to take a bus home or anything as I met up with my lovely girlfriend for the game and we are currently on our way north on the 5. So have an exccellant friday night Seattle, and remember... when the bum asks you for some of your money that you worked for, you say "I'm a little short today, can you loan me nine dollars for a beer, that be great" upon saying that you will see one of the funniest looks of confusion. thats what this blog is all about, taking our sidewalks back from the destitute, after all... dont we pay taxes that go to the financing of keeping the streets n pavement clean n maintained. That brings me to another thing I witnessed tonight, on the way to the game I saw literally 3 to 5 thousand people who are living under the Alaskan Way Viaduct, shouldn't they be taxed, as we workers pay the taxes that maintain the roof over their heads...

and, signal is getting spotty...

As the Seattle Mariners have T-Mobile service jammed in Safeco, any nefarious instances of anti-social deviance during the game will have to be re-capped later. The Cod n Chowder was good, now am riding in the back of a rick-shaw cab under the viaduct enroute to the game, CHEERS! Be talkin at you after the game....

and passsing through the Public Market

The deviant strife is rampant here at the Sanitary Public Market, I fail to see what's sanitary in having bums lying around all over the place begging for anything they can get. I should get them a roll of paper towels so they can clean the puke off the curb. Just made the mistake of using the restroom, go in there and there's jeans on the floor and a stark naked guy hanging out in the stall, fuckin midnight cowboy shit!. And it looks like were getting an upgrade to the stairs to the waterfront as a lot off construction is underway, probaly n elavator so more destitutes can come fuck this place up. And another wonderfull tidbit, under the stairs some crack whorish looking bag is blowing a dude who kinda looks. Like Kotter from welcome back Kotter. So this is how it is these days! Now I'm passing the Aquarium and I can detect the fragrancce of 'FRESH CHOWDER.! Just down the way at the Salmon Cooker! My personal waypoint for Seafood on the waterfront...

Onboard bus 15 southbound

Just about to pass Key Arena, just another reminder of these dark days in Seattle Sports History, no N.B.A. sucks, David Stern is a lousy person with a penchant for inbreeding. Now these hardcore NASCAR looking dudes just boarded, or is that WWE gear their wearing... and their talking about how their going to the M's game tonight at SAFECO Field, ha ha ha ha, decked out in that gear to a baseball game ha ha ha ha, one of the dudes gots like a Stone Cold Steve Austin bandana on and the others wearing a Lowes, Jimmy Johnson team jacket, this is hilarious, I'm gonna hunt these guys down in the SAFE just to get the picture. Its like maybe? A cruise ship from the white trash side of arkansas pulled in today. These guys need to be banned from each other for life, let me egg em on before I get off this coach, "hey, how bout that race last Sunday, Jimmy.ls my guy!" Ohh their all seized up now, CHUMPS

We Got a Bum Fight!

The bums under the bridge are throwing down, Lord!, now an old bag is getting in on it, she just threw dudes pack in his face. Daryl is hollering "go a away, bam now the three of them are wrestling on the pavement and... the SPD just pulled in, they got the bums up on their feet, wow the chick cop is a burly one. There interrogating the destitutes, drunk Jim is waving his arms around in a crazed manner, Now there being ordered to disperse and the bums are staring over in my direction like there planning on grabbing the bus here, we'll get the good scoop on this if they come over this way. Nope there goin the other way, now the cops are across the street rousting another bum, and they have left the seen, after an incident like that donuts must be in order.

Ballard Bridge Deviant Report

Looky Looky, the residents of under the bridge have started an intrmural sports league of sorts, it seems their sport of choice is a cross between flag football n racketball, they got a nerf football that's is being throw against the bridges face and the bums go chasing after it in a frenzy off beer sweat n blood for the right to throw a pass. Quite the Spectacle! This one cat is so wasted he can't even make his hand reach down to grasp the ball, he's grabbing air, OOFF! He just did a face plant! Check it out... I know that guy, his name is Daryl, a notorious Ballard Bar Fiend who finally ran out his welcome in any drinking establishment in this neighborhood, It seems he's moved his party under the bridge! Well, I'm on the way downtown, goin to the waterfront for a bowl of chowder, then gonna try an score an M's tic. Stay yuned for more updates from scourge central...

Bum Signage of the Week

With the institution of 'Bum Signage of the Week', The holder of the most unique, or embarrasing sign of a given week will be awarded the yellow jersey for the next week. The yellow jersey will be a signal to the working man to unload all loose change to the bum with the jersey...

Friday Morning...

Ya..... I hitched hiked today so the morning bus scourge will be without a voice, yet another downtown foray is scheduled for this afternoon- a possible run to the waterfront for some chowder and a report live from Occidental Ave on the Mariner Panhandler Outlook with another attempt at obtaining a GRIFFEY Jr bobblehead. You know somethin, I think our local street personalities deserve bobblehead days, pitch-em a couple bucks and receive a classic bum bobblehead, and they could be automated with lyrics, motion sensor activated, "Hey man, can you spare a couple bucks" With that I'm going to work on a new project, "Bumopoly"- Round Safeco Field-Collect 66 dollars, with properties such as, Skid Row, 105th n HoRoRa, and various DSHS centers. Stay tuned for your Friday afternoon commuter forcast and update...

BUMMER

Bummer, running out of juice, have to finish this report later, but with a massive SPD presence the likelyhood of any chenanigans is low.... Tune in tommorow for another methadoned edition, and with the nice weather, your commute can be expected to be tedious at best...

and we got this cat donned only in a diaper n t shirt

This cat looks like he dropped a loaf in his diaper on the spot, well guess better here than on the bus ehh. Steve has acquired a STOP THE BEER TAX sign and he's up front with a healthy contingent of transient leadership. And lord! Steve is taking a donation from Tim Eymann, the shamelessness of it all.

and here he is.....

It must have took SnowSuit a lot of nerve to leave his corner wide open this evening, but he just wandered in to Westlake Center and lord... he's wearing a tux! And we got some destitute homeless homo dude arguing with security about how he's gonna have there badge, claiming he's being profiled because he's gay, all I saw was him being asked to get off the sidewalk as he was impeding traffic., better switch to video, standbye...

3rd n Pine

Its strife with the lazy, its like the U.N. of BUMDON here, this ain't the city I grew up in, that much is certain, I feel like I've been transported into an episode of south park. Well, just negotiated a maze of punk ass kids to get into westlake mall, goin up to the batroom. Deciding to risk a possible cardiac with a slice of sbarro...

Bus no.17 report and update...

And as we passed SPU we have picked up a hundred students all decked out in "hope for change" gear and picket signs with pictures of the devil on them, what is up with this? I'm just hoping one of these youths pops off at me, I will politely ask for a thankyou and politely point out that I shoulder the burden of guaranteeing their safe and secure indoctrination at a higher learning institution! And were in the south lake union district where a new NHL/NBA arena should be under construction, but NO.... No taxes for that, but taxes for funding the destitution of America...

Crack Kills......

Your regular afternoon commute forcast has been Prempted. With this evenings Tea Party scheduled for 5:30 at Westlake center, A unique oppurtunity to report on the state of general street deviance in downtown, I am currently waiting for coach 17 near the Ballard Bridge, numerous bridge bums are floundering in ignorance to the pigeon feces they are lounging in and this old bag is displaying way to much crack as she sips on the contents of a brown bag. Bum strife is evident with the toothless bastard hollering insults at commuters on their drive home. Now misses buttcrack is fondling her bum, its actually quite disturbing watching bum foreplay, its like something that should be on the National Geographic channel or maybe TLC. And there's the weird looking kid at this stop who kinda reminds me of Andy Kaufman, he's definatly swinging from a distant gene pool, that much is certain. Ohh Man........ the crack is all the way out, not good! Is she trying to drum up some cash or what?, I hope the bus shows soon as this is the definition of destitute here....

SPD investigating stick up off Crack in the Box

The Deviance continues.......

Ballard Bridge noon report...

With the lazy destitute pushing the 'real change' paper it is obvious that the lazy and unwilling are in the mood to celebrate on this day, April 15th 2010, the day tax day became payday for the worthless scrum who fail to take resposibility for themselves. They have been promised a free ride by the current administration, one day the destitute will be cut of and the good ship America will be righted!

Ahhhhhhhhhh.................

The Morning update has been delayed n canceled due to to much celebration after the Seattle Mariners won a series...... Thus..... hitch hiking was required to get to the bomb factory in respectable fashion. And an evening report from the Westlake center tea party is planned. So stay tuned Seattle, I have word that Bum Congress may have something special planned....

once again I take you through the morning light...

BUT! NEW INFORMATION ABOUT F! STREET IN WASHINGTON D.C. HAS COME TO LIGHT AT THIS LATE HOUR, THE TYPE OF INFORMATION THAT MAY IMPLICATE OUR ESTEEMED SENATORS.. MURRAY N CANTWELL IN CONTROVERSY FOR MONTHS... AS IT HAS BEEN ALLEGED THAT THEY BOTH WERE SEEN EMBRACINCING AFTER LEAVING A FORMER F-STREET HEROIN LOUNGE YESTERDAY. IT WOULD SEEM THAT SOME SORT OF TRICKERY IS AT PLAY HERE... this blog is going to have to go to this alleged f-street and report about it on the spot in order to get the true story!

SPECIAL REPORT via SAFECO FIELD

I just received a landline call from a friend of the show who is currently sitting in the front row of the lower right field at SAFECO FIELD as the M's are trying to hold onto a 4 - 2 lead against the Oakland A's, the sign says.. 'need some money to help my sister who needs surgery, hit it here'. O.K. 1st.. who you gonna hit if you give the money, 2nd.. who do you get to punch if you give the money. I't's a sham, the gate security is a sham (I got word that this was a prepared and laminated AREA 51 Sign, signs like that must be approved to be brought through the gates) but it just shows that the destitute is gaining a semblance of power in our nation.. all this is why I will be purchasing tickets to the empty wharehouse that safeco field has become for this Friday's ballgame, Ohh! just got word the M's WIN, but yet... I still feel compelled to take a variety of buses to Fridays game after work, just so I can comment and possibly interview a few more members of Seattle's League of Bums, before converging on the Pioneer Square District in order to Blog Live about the destitution level from my own eyes to yours... Thankyou Again.. For Your Support and Continual Membership

THROWBACK COLORS

IN HONOR OF THE HISTORIC NATURE OF METRO BUS ROUTE 358 (the old No.6) and IN A SALUTE TO THE EXCELLANT BUS SERVICE THAT OUR TAX DOLLAR PROVIDES, THIS BLOG WILL BE PRESENTED IN METRO 'THROWBACK THE CLOCK' colors, IN THE TRUE PISS AND SHIT BROWN COLOR THAT SEATTLE METRO CAME UP ON. NOW I'M CRACKING MYSELF UP HERE WHEN 'THROWBACK YOUR WATCH' SHOULD BE METRO'S SLOGAN...

And upon arrival at the transit center...

I haul ass a couple blocks to catch my connecting route, thus accomplishing some 'cardio' work, that I will be needing as the summer of Morning Meth Zombies approaches. So today we will have no transit center report and the Bolshevik gets a reprieve from my taskings. Now I'm secure from the 'Horror that is a daily run on the 358 listening to older people talk about the weather and lutefisk while riding through the little berg of Edmonds, how peacefull. Gooday and Goodnight

130th n HoRoRa Ave N.

The Albino is tweaking, but first a quick Steve update, I see SnowSuit coming out of Albertson's with a loaded cart (the sunny day must have been a good one for donations) but my question is.... what's gonna happen when he gets back to his intersection, will he wave off the bum imposter or will there be a rumble? Stay tuned tommorow. And the Albino is about to lose the contents of her stomach, I've seen these indicators before, swaying back n forth in her seat, wreathed in sweat, and a general glazing over of the eyes, Ohh shit! She just ran off the bus and lost it all over the bus shelter, and her pimp stays onboard. MEDIC! Well were well past that now and grinding through the Shoreline Traffic Sphincter, looks like the destitutes that were living in the burnt out N W Discount Store have been evicted as a chain link fence is up and paint on the ground, I call that progress.

Albino CrackWhore

No bullshit! This pimp just got on with this Albino chick and.. she's definatly being whored out, this whole route is becoming a Tijuana Freakshow... and some gangsa lookin dudes just got off and started brawling with other gangsa lookin dudes at the stop, bam! There go a couple teeth... A faster route to toothless bastardness than the standard methadone route... So back to the Albino.. she definatly looks as if she's about to start tweek out. Ohh! Passing through 105th, time for a SnowSuit Steve report... What's this, some other bearded stocking cap bum is working his corner, could Steve really have moved his location to the Crispy Creme?

Day 13, Evening Commute

Waiting for the 358, WOW! Just saw a 'White Bronco' ripping southbound down 99 with SPD in pursuit! Never Ever speed or do anything nefarious when driving a white bronco, its every pigs dream to have the dash-cam video of him pulling over a white bronco, cop bars literally got walls plastered with pictures of patrons doing just such a thing. O.K. this ponytail haired dude looks as if he gonna come accost me for money... hold.... hold.... he's moving closer eyeing my phone... and here he comes.... " Sorry Pal, but you know what, I'm a little short today and I really could use a few bucks for a Corona at my lay-over in Shoreline" bum mumbles somethin like fuck off under his breath "No you fuck off pal! I ain't here to take care off you!" And the bus pulls in and dudes gettin ready to pay to board, "pay as you leave" driver says. Punk-Ass ponytail boy sits down up front. And we got this destitute girl making a sign, sitting in the middle of this bus, Sign says something to the effect of 'she needs money for antibiotics because her cat bit her finger and its infected'. I just love it when the family pet is involved in the effort to gain sympathy.....

EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

With sun and and above average temperatures predicted for this afternoon it is advised to seek alternate transportation home from work today, general destitute ridership is predicted to be heavy on all coachers during evening commute hours and on. With a celebration of public drunkardness leading to abrasive bum deviance and innuendo one can expect an extremely uncomfortable commute with numerous instances of anti-social behavior and a severe threat of bus defecations. All coaches can be expected to be running 30 to 50 minutes late due to Mariners traffic and numerous drivers can be expected to be on edge and liable to pass right by your stop due to distractions created by the flaming drunk on their coach. Worthless Punk ridership also expected to be heavy with numerous amatuer attempts at panhandling bus fare, along with requests to use your phone. When accosted by a deviant youth for phone usage, the only answer is NO! Why assist today's lazy punk youth in calling their mom to bum money. And as always... Stay Classy Seattle!

Passing through 85th- crackville

With some guy mowing through a plate of tuna-helper, now he's offering to share, "sorry bud, I'm allergic to bum botulism" yet he finds a taker in this mucked out kid a couple seats forward. And that concludes another morning run onboard the 358, Ron Jeremy is still in front annoying everyone.with stories of past glories and high earnings.

Wednesday Morning RoughRiding Methadoner Edition

With an army of soon to be tweaked out methadoners wandering aimlessly around the transit center we begin another glorious day traveling onboard the esteemed bus 358. One knows times are getting tough when there's a pile of home depot carts stripped of their wheels n child straps laying out in the middle of Bay-3. I wonder if some desperate Joe is thinking of opening up a mobile wheelchair repair shop? With a possible homeless encampment forming in the green-belt next to Costco the destitution index in this area can be expected to be on the rise... Now the living dead disembark from the bus from Everett, and the obviously in the need of a hand out are rambling on about how their going into the city... Enter - the mobile Panhandler, backpack and a sign-will travel. And... this Ron Jeremy looking dude is sitting up front on the 358 chatting away with the driver about some gal he's looking for, asking if she has seen a gal in a red coat today, C'mon Man!...... And here in Shoreline, The Coalition of the Unwilling boards and starts asking fellow riders for change, a strn look from me gives them incentive to beg somewhere else! A line is forming at the Methadone clinics door, I could hear their teeth chattering from the bus. Well Ron Jeremy must be annoying this driver as we got a brick-foot, this is good, with countless lazy-folk being passed by because they were to slow, maybe I'll be ahead of schedule for once. And at the Crispy Creme I see SnowSuit Steve, he definately is whoring himself out these days if he is expanding his territory this far North!

having just boarded a northbound 358 that gots the funk of pig rectum...

A new developement on the higher cost of living for the average transient. The Transient Health Council has ordered a change to the bums drinking diet, all homeless and transient peoples have been directed to switch to the consumption of Franzia Boxed Wines in an attempt to avoid the higher beer tax, Armed with the knowledge that the Franzia Wine Bag n Box are valulable survival tools, after consumption the bag can be used as a hydro-thermal shower when filled with water and hung off the s,unny-side of any bridge the bum may be dwelling under and the strong cardboard box makes for a fine building material or an excellant sign. With Bums rushing local stores in an all hands effort to secure as much Franzia as possible, massive bum belligerance can be predicted in the upcoming weeks or even years. And the potential for an outbreak of wine induced bum blindness is highly possible. Indicators off this will be the frequency off nude bum sightings and bus urination. With the above mentioned events, BUMCON-3 will be in effect until further notice. And.... up here at the home depot we have the random passed out mexican in the bushes, plus a couple of whores who were probaly just yring to return stolen goods, and an obviously inbred family just hopped onboard, but not for long as the dollar store was just to good of a sight for them to pass up. Lord all mighty! Who would give this goon roses? I need to know, because a desperate soul like him would surely be a good story, and more drunk battleaxes board at the first casino stop, there up front cackling about some guy they rolled for drinks.... poor bastard. And speaking of bastards... I wonder if we'll be seeing the Bolshevik again today, think I'll hit him up for 2 dollars today. Screw It, I'm getting off at Fred Meyer to do some research for this blog....

Heavy Bum Strife reported in Pioneer Square District

An influx of raged transients are repored to be accosting everyone and everything in PIONEER square today, an outbreak of alley defacations is also underway, Commuters should avoid this District at all costs...

Tuesday Morning

No Bus report as I caught a ride in to work with the mobile infantry, but some derelict was wandering in the road and almost got his ticket punched. And we got a crashed wheelchair here in shoreline, looks bad.... and this fat bastard gots us delayed so his manure dump truck can back in some jobsite, this flagger is n idiot...

Local Bums vow to Unify

In surfing Seattle neighborhood sites I have come across a strong movement towards unity in the Seattle Bum Congress. Its not well known to the average commuter, but several of Seattle's preeminent transient leaders run blogs through the library system n internet cafe's, there access to the library is provided by our tax dollars and I suspect deals involving reduced panhandler presence are bartered for internet cafe access. But according to these bad actors, it appears an organized effort is underway to secure transportation of bum leadership to Olympia for a weekend candle light vigil protesting the recent Legislation. This is good news for Mariner Fans and weekend transit users as bum congestion onboard your bus, trolley or train can be predicted today as being light to non-existent with the core bum element converging on Olympia. So.. The Mariner fan may not have to negotiate numerous accostations from greedy money grubbing lazy people who just want a drink... But I remind the weekend baseball fan who attends Safeco this weekend, make sure to swing in front of the team shop door on 1st Ave and tip your cap or say a silent prayer for my friend Ed McMichael, He was known as the "TUBA MAN", he was killed by punk ass kids over a year ago on the streets that he loved to bring his music to.

And with the news we get the Weather Forcast, the long term outlook is bad as it will lead to a continued BUMCON3 status for us daily commuters, The BUMCON LEVEL has been adopted just so the commuter has a quick referance to look at to determine if she or he wishes to risk the commute or seek a more leisurly path home. and with this I will define the BUM CONDITION LEVELS modeled after the United States Militarys Cold War Defense Condition Levels...
BUMCON-1 = BUM RIOT
BUMCON-2 = BUM RIOT IMMINENT
BUMCON-3 = BUM RIOT POSSIBLE
BUMCON-4 = POSSIBILITY OF BUM STRIFE OR DEVIANCE
BUMCON-5 = LOW POSSIBILITY OF BUM STRIFE OR DEVIANCE

Currently we in Seattle and as a Nation are at BUMCON-3

with this I'm going to end my broadcast, stay tuned for a morning update, but as we are at BUMCON-3, I'm leaning towards seeking alternate transportation in the morning.

Events Transpire that must be addressed off the commuter clock

Washington Legislature has passed stiff new taxes on bottled water, soda pop and mass produced beer, I can only hope that Legislation of this nature does not lead to the average street person running amok, accosting anyone and anything for funds to fuel his or hers alcoholism and sweet tooth... We here at the Poolio Command Center fear the worst, as the bums have threatened massive retaliation, as I write this word of a restless bum nation swaggering around Pioneer Square in full drunken glory, demanding an audience with Mayor Mcginn, seattle bum leadership feels Mcginn, who has a impressionable beard as many of them do, may be an ear they can turn to in these trying times, with wellfare being cut. And I'm bunkered in the command center and cant even get any local news because this damn '24' is still on! Jack Bauer should have died 5 days ago at 8:15am, what is this like 24 fucking years! we may be on the verge of a bum riot and we need breaking news coverage damnit! 24 sucks bum ball schweat! I'll tell you about 24 as in working 24 hours strait and then working another 14 for good measure! Kiefer Southerland never had to do that! Well I have and this 24 horseshit gots a place real close to a colon blow in my book!

and wrapping things up for the evening.....

The bus service was as advertised and we working commuters as a whole will be under BUMCON-3 for the next 6 months or until the fall rainy season begins in earnest. Be vigilant my fellow commuters, tough days lay ahead, the bum is on an inescapable spiral to maximum entitlement, these are the days when saying "No, Get A JOB" counts most. And finally a qoute from me to commute by "Don't let the Bum work you, WORK THE BUM!" Goodnight and talk at you in the morning.....

and once again up in the Shoreline district....

Shoreline Police activity is heavy in the traffic sphincter, several playaz r cffed n bent over a police cruisers hood and at Fred Meyers 22 Kareoke Suzukis disembark this bus and Pookie actually makes it onboard showing off a bad transfer to the driver as he boards, drivers like "pay as you leave". Pay... that's a joke if I ever heard one! Upon arrival at the transit center, pookie bolts off and is accosted by transit security. Looks like we can chalk one up for the good guys, evesdropping in, pookie is givin some sob story about how his moms in jail in snohomish county and he's just tryin to go see her....I'm like thinking they should haul him off and maybe he can see her on family day, there running his I.D., will we see the cuffs? Standbye on this, as we got this scraggly haired balled headed guy about to fall off his bench in the shelter in bay-2, he's waverin bad, side to side with face down, hold on, this immigrant talking eastern european sounding dude just came up to me and mumbled how he needed a dollar for the bus, I retort with "how you get here? And I need some change you got a dollar for me dude! He gets a confused look and wanders off, TAKE THAT STALIN! Don't come to my country and expect a handout from me you Bolshevik Bastard! Now I'm sending him over to the guy who's about to fall off the bench! This Bolshevik is goin up to everyone for change now, sometimes you wish we never won the cold war, With all the greedy russians fucking up our country! Now that guy is over here tryin to bum smokes and he's pullin change out of his pocket and gettin on my bus. Just told him "guess you didn't need a dollar ehh" guy wreaks of vodka and stumbles back to a seat and is glaring at me, sure wish he do something so could give him the boot!

With the news that the Lusty Lady is closing down.....

With the Lusty Lady on 1st Ave closing up shop, another prime panhandling location has been eliminated from a bums repetoire, going to try and get some bum coverage on this in the ensuing days....

Medic One is responding....

Down here by greenlake I here then see Medic One pulling over to assist a heavily blitzed despondent, the rubber gloves are on and the gurney is out, glad to see my tax dollar at work once again taking care of someone who rather not take the responsibility of taking care of themselves. And passing home depot I see... no workers, the tresspasing signs and the chain link fence r doing their job apparently, where will the migrant worker whore himself out next I wonder? And off course this dude who rather stay on wellfare and get ready to go to work when things r good again is onboard-this means towards the end of the run were all gonna get to hear his whining about how tough it is out their to be a carpenter these days and how he's using this time waiting for a settlement and trying to get his shit together. If this clown trys n talk at me again I'm going to give him a piece of my mind! And..... we got some methadoners sittin acrossed the aisle, giggling away at their good fortune to have caught this bus, I overhear them say their goin up to lynnwood to hook up with the 'buds', dudes got like a captains hat on and his chick is wearing sandals with wait... all needle tracked up toes, what a crew...

and up here at the 358 stop......

I see a vast array of bad actors and toothless bridge hermits, its like an army of the living dead, hope they don't get hungry, I been slacking in the cardio department as of late. And here comes a overloaded 358, with the average civilian fighting to escape the horror.... after boarding I can't help but notice that everybody looks shell-shocked on this bus. There is a heavy contingent of lynnwood trailer trash in the ass end of this bus, a sure indicator of this is the puffy eyes onboard the malnourished face with the cigarette hangin above the ear. The sure sign of the listless lynnwood loser.

The Loons r out tonight

So I'm havin a snack at my stop here in Ballard and this Dago Frank comes up to me like a friggin vulture tryin to bum some string cheese. Told the smokey breathed cat to take a hike, now he's in the shelter talkin shit and wavin his walking stick around like its a wand, well I get on bus 44 and he's still guarding his bus shelter like its hogwarts or somethin, thought might have to give the cat the boot but not necessary today, I surely was intimidated by that broken down wand of his though.....Well the 358 stop is only minutes away, made sure to get myself a couple off stiff drinks before this run, am anticipating a crew of restless losers to be vegitating helplessly onboard tonight.

EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

With all coaches originating in downtown this evening off schedule and completely jacked due to Mariners traffic and the predicted influx of frenzied panhandlers who have picked up n extra 40 this evening due to increased revenue from week willed baseball fans... Tonights commute can be expected to be one big cluster fuck. Ride at your own risk, and remember- NO TIMETABLE CAN BE EXPECTED TO BE ACCURATE.

What is it when the coffee is empty...

Habib at the 76 on Fremont n 46th gots a serious deficiency when it comes to keeping the coffee made in the morning, its like every morning a pack of 6 gardeners is in their making coffee and hotdoggs up like its christmas dinner or somethin and when their done, its all gone... and Habib seems to not be able to keep it stocked up efficiently...

monday morning commute

With the boarding of 18vagrants and their possesions at the HoRoRa transit center, this mornings run is set up for disaster, some dudes entire wardrobe just blew out of his hefty sacks all over the floor, and the guy is just letting his mangy gear just lie there... in a positive note, this coach should pass through shorline before the first wave of methadoners board. At 175th N. it looks like a scene from 'Thriller' with a gaggle of zombies draggin ass tryin to make the bus, too late! Now dude with his clothes all over the floor starts bitchin when people end up stepping on his gear, like secure your shit dude..... Two crack whores board at washelli, see some pimps they don't like and get off at the next stop.

and another wonderful week is here...

With the start of Mariner Season bum ridership can be expected to be eradict with unpredictable delays to all coaches passing through downtown in the afternoon due to heavy grid-lock before Mariner home games. Basicly all afternoon bus timetables can be tossed out as your coach will be arriving at its own leisure... Tensions will be high due to overcrowding and increased cases of anti-social bum-behavior due to the expected cash windfall from increased panhandling income from baseball fans. With warmer temperatures forcasted conditions are trending towards a move of the BUM CONDITION METER to BUMCON-3, at this level the average street bum has lost all shame and can be expected to aggresively use all means to obtain money from the working person. The local bum can be expected to put their children on display in hopes of gaining extra sympathy, and appearances of mangy mutts with signs and change cans are expected. Essentialy, the onset of baseball season is the indicator that the summer of bums is near.....

Saturday evening ride home on bus 358...

With the sun shining today the loons have come out of their caves... The trip home from the 'BUM SUMMIT MEETING' was punctuated with numerous wheelchair lift stops and numerous groups of 'Bull Skanks' riding with their families which consisted of inbred looking children and the older son who obviously was passed over for intelligence within the family genetic tree. While passing 130th N. I notice the obvious signs of a K-Mart blue light special in progress, consisting of obviously transient people waving and grabbing every last cart possible from the lot, its like a scene from a war movie, I see a sgt waving his men forward and then a lot boy almost being trampled by the onrushing transient armed with the transient vehicle of choice-The K-Mart Big Boy shopping cart. Well wish I could stay for the horror, but as a working man, I value my weekend and continue home... Except for the usual Shoreline trash nothing much really happens for the remainder of the run... TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR A SPECIAL LOOK AT "THE BUM SITUATION OUTSIDE OF SAFECO FIELD"

and over at the 7-11 on 11th n Leary way...

noticing the SPD donning riot gear, the mass of bums is dispersing, its looks like a shopping cart demolition derby down here as everyone is jockeying for position at the crosswalk at 11th n Leary ave N. On my way into 7-11 I have to negotiate piles of vomit and the random drunkard sleeping it off in the shadow of the red box video rental machine.. And.. ohh shit! Tony is pouring a 40 ouncer into the soda machine, Habib, who is manning the register is oblivious to this.. and Bill hands Tony another 40 of Ranier to add to the drink selection. So its gonna be like Super Beer Gulps today at 7-11, I may just have to get the big beer bite combo today! And now a boisterous red faced drunk enters the store and asks if he can use the bathroom, Habib says he'll buz him in, as this happens a couple of destitutes sneak into the beer locker.... I go to the back to investigate. Yep, there in there and they went strait for the flats of budweiser, its a festival of foam and shotgunning, and Snowsuit wanders in... with the funk of a drunken BBQ trot, he proceeds to the hotdogg bay and asks Habib for two big bites. after loading the two doggs up with chili n cheese I witness him slam a couple of bags of chips into his suit along with the mandatory pack of jerky, wow! he already gots one of those doggs down-with cheese n chili smattered in his mangy head suit. Now he five fingers a can of pork n beans.. DAMN! "this boy likes his protein" considering the work conditions at his job site, I'd be grubbin down on food like that two. So he's checking out and Habib rings him up for two doggs for a total of $1.79, Steve's like "HEY MAN!... I ONLY GOT ONE DOGG HERE!" he then fumbles through his change and produces 79 cents he proclaims "DONT MESS WITH ME MAN... THIS IS ALL I GOT!", Habib with a raised voice starts belloring about how the homeless should get a job.. Steve retorts with "MAN.. I FOUGHT FOR THIS COUNTRY IN THE NAM MAN... YOU RAGHEADS WOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE IF IT WASN'T FOR GUYS LIKE ME!" and walks out. This is fucking classic, this 7-11 gets jacked so often its like the FREE-11! So Steve is wandering off and I'm just thinking about the shotgun fest going on in the back cooler so I go back to take a peek. Check it out, these bums got a chick back there now and one of them is getting sucked off on a stack of budweiser cases, his patner looks like he is jerking off in the corner to this, dont spill your beer buddy! and I'm gonna get outta here, walk out and the riot squad is parked outside. Considering the vagrancies off this whole situation, I think its time to make Habib's day and see my tax dollar at work.. so I tip off Sgt Slaughter, who's all jacked up getting to don his tactical gear, that a couple of bums r in the back cooler, and I proceed off to a secure location to view the show. And Flash Bang, it sure as hell looks like Sgt Slaughter and his crew tossed a flash bang into the cooler, ooff! Habib just lost his turban as he ran out, ha ha ha... All of a sudden the SPD S.W.A.T. van careens in! I'm hearing the old school SWAT theme right now. And they throw Habib to the ground like he's the suspect.. Fucking Classic! now the first guys in are hauling out the shell-shocked derelicts as an ambulance pulls in... WOW! holy smokes! what a mess, I'm getting out of here. and back up to the 358 I go...

THE BUM SUMMIT

The Location.. Ballard DSHS parking lot. The Situation.. roughly a 150 of Seattle's homeless elite have circled the shopping carts in a display of solidarity. Ohh look! some old friends of the show are here, its Tony n Bill (these two cruisers first made the original Baldwin Poolio Show on youtube back in 2000, interviewed on Occidental Ave as they were hocking kingdome rubble for beer money)I ask "hey whats up guys?" Tony's says "where's your video cam at man." Baldwin "In the shop, what you cats been up two" Bill says "Yo man, we just got back from shrooming on bainbridge island dude!" as he pulls a freezer bag of shrooms out of his pack, Tony "sell ya the whole bag for $120, its good shit man..." Baldwin "Sorry, dont do the shrooms, take that shit down to your spot on Occidental on monday before the M's game and make some cash..." Tony n Bill get into and argument about if they should do this. These two cats are like a couple of old women, there shoving each other off their curb, I've seen this show before so am heading over to mingle with the Bum Congress. And there he is.... Snowsuit Steve is here, I'm surprised he has left his prime location of 105th n HoRoRa wide open to the random bum squatter. Ballard Bridge Bill is holding court-hollering drunken epitaths about taxation without representation... Wait! and SPD cruiser just slowly rolled by as the 40's were lowered by all. O.K. the cops are gone. Bill hollers "see that, those r the assholes who want to take our livelyhood away" this blathering is followed by thunderous cheers, Bill continues with a tirade about throwing a Seattle Cardboard Party, I've learned that a 'CARDBOARD PARTY' is when every vagrant in a city commits to cramming every last piece of cardboard into city sewers and storm drains, the cardboard eventually decomposes into a sludge that sets up like cement-paralyzing a city's drainage leading to backed up shitters and flooded streets. And a bum argument erupts, it seems two local vagrants from the SoDo district are in a dispute over the prime panhandling territory in front of the new strip club by Safeco Field. Snowsuit Steve chimes in with an offer of giving up his territory for this location. And Dock Dago Don responds with "shut your pie hole FartSack!" this thing is starting to get hilarious.. ha ha ha. Now Ballard Bridge Bill is trying to maintain a semblance of order by crashing over a trash laden shopping cart in beer fueled fury and bellowing out "the state is trying to put us all out of business, do any of you want to have to get a real job... next they'll cut us all off of wellfare, its the yuppy millionaire behind all this... they dont like their children seeing the reality off life!" the bum collective listens carefully to Bill outline his plan for retaliation against harsh panhandling enforcement and higher beer taxes, and a consensus is reached! Seattle's Bum Congress wants this city to be labeled a Vagrant Haven, all relatives are to be called and invited to Seattle for the summer under promises of compassionate people who cant wait to open their wallets for someone down on their luck. All upscale pubs and internet cafe's are to be bummed with atleast three destitutes on the sidewalk out front during business hours and a massed bum-a-thon is ordered for the Mariners opening homestand to continue all summer. Local malls are to be aggresively shopping-carted while extra change is to be used for movie theater attendance-with the bum using the restroom as a shower stall. Bill later states... "if that Gregoire witch wants to push, we will push back". Ohh man! Snowsuit Steve gots his suit off and is crapping by a telephone pole, no more BBQ for this guy... Now this scraggly haired whore starts talking about how every tourist at the pike place market needs to be aggresively accosted all the time, lets hit the city where it hurts, by making it a miserable experience traveling to Seattle. the bumnation cheers to this and the beer spill over. Now more police cruisers have pulled in and their whaler goes off "please disperse, there is no permit for a demonstration at this location at this time" So the congress is over, I overhear Tony n Bill talk about goin over to Seven-11 and making a sandwich, I decide to tag along...

Friday Night Reflections

While watching the news at ten I saw a clip of a bunch of people riding a huge log down a hill, so I you tube searched "log riding" and just kept laughing forever at those crazy japs getting tossed from their ride! but as a kindred spirit to mass adreneline rushes... I respect the Jap who gots the fortitude to jump aboard a 10,000 lbs log that is careening down a hill with 100's of fellow countrymen onboard trying to ride the beast to the finish. (I wonder... if you get crushed an die riding this traditional log.. does the Japanese man go to his heaven and have 78 virgins waiting for him?) Amyways.. I'm just rambling on here... getting prepared for the big SUMMIT MEETING tomorrow. Spoke with snowsuit steve earlier and learned that the cardboardsludge campaign may be on the table, this is very bad news! I for one have heard about this before.. circa 2002 "transients in the city of phoenix threaten to jam city storm drains during flood season. I as an envoy between the homeless and the working citizen will attempt to alleviate the fury n anger that is festuring over higher beer taxation without proper representation in an effort to reduce the ramifications of the bum leagues SUMMIT MEETING. will try to update live during the session of congress, but as the lowliest of street scourge is leary of any phone in a working citizens hand, this summit does have the potential for some historic legislation penned by bum congress...

Friday Happy Hour

I elected to hunker down and bunker down at Mike's Chili instead of braving the projected dismal commute, why ride with the bain of humanity on a perfectly good Friday night that's being anchored with a rainbow and a 5:05 first pitch with the M's currently pounding the rangers 10-0.... A check in on snowsuit Steve is planned for the drive home, as I want to confirm if he is on jury duty or not next week. Will be charging the cams n mics tonight, as wouldn't want a hardware malfunction during 'THE BUM SUMMIT' tomorrow, as I have been elected to be an envoy to the working citizen, as a representative for 'the league of bums', this official bumnation position is to be ratified tomorrow at the summit. So, its tough duty, riding the bus every day, maybe I can make a differance for the average bum, and let em get pitched some extra coin...

Afternoon Commuter Advisory Bulletin

With Hail falling earlier today, numerous tents collapsed at tent city, your afternoon is expected to be packed with the fallen, who are just trying to get dry and warm up, your coaches air quality will be flavored with a distinct soggy dogg odor. As on all fridays... it is suggested that the working commuter bail from work early and take the most direct path to 'happy hour'. Routes 28, 77, and all coaches traveling through the tunnel have been overrun with schizophrenic drunk people-due to an early release from king county jail. Can-opener Carl, celebrating an early release just in time for the cash windfall that is Mariners season, is on a heroic binge. He was seen stumbling on the docks after boozing it up under the viaduct this morning, carrying a new sign for his corner on Occidental Ave, he proceeded to order a round of drinks at Azteca and cheered his good fortune to be out of the Klink just in time to go back to work panhandling baseball fans. On Sunday this blog will issue a special report on negotiating the slum-fest it is to travel to the ballpark. Cheers to everyone who works! And remember to tune in tomorrow for a special report from the BUM SUMMIT!

Ahh HAAAAA.......

No bus report as I hitch hiked today.

Up yonder at the HO'RO'RA transit center

N.W.A is waiting for the 101 to Everett as I overheard them say their goin up to their uncles to drink wine, so now onboard my connecting route which is once again filled with children of the saudi prince's on their way to community college, I ponder why we as a nation allow our enemies children allowed to be eduacated on our soil, furthermore... why should my tax dollar be part of this when were raising the price of alcohol $1.50 a gallon to pay for current and proposed social programs. What happens if we have a 7.0 temblor under one of our cities, I can see all the nations of bleeding hearts sending billions of dollars in aid and tactical rescue teams to help us out. Once again, Its time to cash in on all the country building and third world assistance my and your tax paying dollar has dolled out over the decades, send these countries a bill! Damnnit. And back it up with the United States Marines working collections.

BACK in BUSINESS

Well Snowsuit Steve wasn't down with getting a polaroid taken of him, but I did pitch him a toasty AMPM BBQ sandwich, I like to think I take care of my bums by giving them the type of cash or donation that doesn't jingle. Back aboard the next 358, N.W.A's onboard and were getting a fullblown hardcore inner-city youth rap show, OHH MAN!.... I feel for this fat trailer trash kid who got on and is heading to the back. "Don't DO IT" yep he's getting busted on! Their breaking him with some "ohh look it's fatter mathers" this shit is cracking me up. Kid should learn not to be wearing a chain, hat sideways and goin an sittin with the real gangsa youth. And the sun is shining up here in shoreline, this could lead to a mass of trailer trash at the transit center, on cue.... Fatter Mathers gets off at Fred Meyer, ohh shit... the corndogg imposter just missed the bus! Some wellfare trash is confused where his stop is, just kick the dago off why don't yaa!

All ABOARD!

Ahh.... got a great seat upfront to enjoy the action on this run up deviant way. And as we pass woodland park I see some industrious bums are laying claim to a new tent city in the woods, what a great location, just steps away from there limo service, someone should start up a game on facebook called "BUMVILLE" a person could spend countless hours trying to get their friends to donate them things like 'toilet paper, bus tokens, cold weather clothing, beer, or just loose change. Passed the greenlake A.A. meeting without event, now at 85th a couple of blitzed boozehounds stumble aboard, they wreak like sewer. Standbye, I'm gonna get off at 105th and snap a polaroid of snowsuit steve for the stock files. Allright I disembarked, well see what the next coach brings....

OUTRAGE over Taxation without representation

Several heavily bearded derelicts are discussing governor christine gregoires beer tax onboard bus 44, Ilm gonna chime in and let the downtrodden ones know its a $1.50 a six pack and not 43cents as earlier announced. OHH SHIT! These guys r pissed, I don't want to be implicated in inciting a riot. Up to ho'rora I go... to be continued

Garbage Swapmeet in progress in Ballard

Lordy Lordy... Trashcart Tammy is passing by with a grocery cart full of loot, consisting mostly of the working Americans garbage, could she have found a diamond in the rough? And she pilfers this bus shelters garbage can, whoa! She's going to make the indian cry as all the unworthy trash is being tossed aside, she just grunted at me when I said "you gonna pick that trash up". Tammy after digging deep to the bottom has left the area, I think she should have been cited for littering... Stand by for updates as the 358 is only minutes away

EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

With snowflakes falling in the greater Seattle Region, afternoon commuters will be boarding packed buses filled with the homeless who are trying to escape the cold. Commute times are expected to be extreme as the destitute will be holding up the bus as he fumbles for fare at every stop. Expect the average street wino to move the party to the bus leading to riotous conditions in the back of most coaches, the 211, thunderbird and Old English will be being passed around freely. Metro Transit Police presence will be light as they have been delayed due to a bus filled with incorigable drunks this afternoon in the Georgetown district. As per recent commuter alerts-it is highly advised to seek alternate transportation this afternoon as most coaches will be jacked up to capacity. Recent reports claim the beer tax is to be triple of what was earlier disclosed, if the local vagrant population gets wind of this this afternoon.... The possibility of general bum rioting is extremely high.

did someone just say "bremelo"

Dude in back is beat-boxing on the bull skank, he's rappin somethin about her big momma fruit of the loom panties, this run is getting hilarious, now the methadoners start sayin that's cold. Uh oh, we could have a situation here..... Then homescratch continues rapping about the toothless methadoners, ohh! He's busting them hard! Saying they wear hand me down socks from the dumpster and shit.... well, wish I could stay aboard and enjoy the fireworks but this is my stop. Until next time

THURSDAY MORNING METHADONE EDITION

LllllllllThe tweakers r in high spirits this morning as they sound as if their kareokeing a terrible rendition of "we al live in the yellow submarine", wait..... now their arguing over the beer tax, one of the washouts claims only microbrews r to be taxed, this statement leads to a cackle of "bullshits" from the musty methadoners. Then lug-nut loyd starts slurring something about when he served in the gulf war..... how he drove a tank and would greeze his treads with the first guy who switches to red hook. This guy is definately about 30years removed from his best days. Time to chime in and make these deviants nervous, I explain to them how the state is threatening to cut the methadone program, bad move on my part as they sound like a flock of feeding crows. Personally I will take full credit for starting that rumor amongst these transients. Now Lug-Nut is going on about the "glory years" bragging loudly how he went backstage at Van Hagar in 88, how he smoked a bowl with Eddie and road triped to Vancouver B.C. with them on their bus.

looks like someone pissed off the bosnians as...

The big Brown Bear at the remodeled brown bear in shoreline has been tagged with pink jibberish, and it looks like they sprayed in a cock n balls, ohh man.... we got a couple of bums parked at 185th under a makeshift kiosk covered with a blue tarp, I say they are squatting on public lands, and here's a dude boarding who gots a serious drillbit taylor thing going, ask him if he gots any change and he starts whining about how he only gots enough for a hotdogg at home depot and talks about all the free relish he's going to load up on. Wow! This is great! Drillbit's got a half full jar of pickles he's packing around, I ask him what that's for? And he says its for his goldfish. Ha ha ha, what the fuck? He says he's gonna pickel them tonight so he can have some kosher snacks this weekend. This cat got to long of a furlough from the physch ward! Get to the end of the run and wish him luck with that.

and there he is.......

Lord, wish I could have got a picture of this, steve's got a sign that says " need a 100bucks for new carharts" his blue snowsuit is in tatters from the last several hard winters, fortunately I got word that local band "spiderface" is going to hook this cat up with some customized gear. Its good to know local bandd are not above helping the community. Now, tojo sitting behind me is chattering away on the phone in his native tongue, sounds like bad kareoke if you ask me. The Ho's r thick today in the shoreline taco smell......

wednesday evening commute

As I waited to board the 358, a drunken cruiser lost his drawers going down the front stairs of the bus, the poor female UW student ahead of me got a good look at the "horror", I proceeded to ask the crazed ehibitionist for some change for bus fare as he fumbled with his drawers, he looked at me with these wild swollen bloodshot whiskey eyes and said "WHAT?" I replied with can I have some money and his drawers dropped again. Then I told him to get some shame and I boarded the bus to the thunderous applause from the working person. Damn we got some real losers hangin out in front of the pawn exchange on 95th arguing over a forty. Passing through 105th let's see if snowsuit steve is working his corner......

this evening I'm turning the table on the seattle bum

At every juncture of tonights commute I plan on aggresively accosting the bum for a smoke and money for bus fare, shamelessly....

EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

The potential for a rough commute is peaking as the local homeless population is furious over City Council legislating new measurers targeting aggresive panhandling, In an interview during the lunch hour with Ballard Bridge Bill, I have learned he has called a joint session of Seattle's Bum Congress this Saturday in the parking lot of Ballards Department of Social and Human Services, located behind the 7-11 on 10th n leary Ave. Bill stated he intends to plan retaliation against the above measure directed at limiting the income of the poor during a recession. With many bums in a drunken stupor today.. bus commuters should be prepared for a mid summers commute, punctuated with random vomiting and boisterous vagrants boarding at all stops, air quality and bus cleanliness will be suspect at best and I have learned that snowsuit steve from 105th n Aurora Ave is on a epic drunk, so run if this derelict approaches you, one tactic I have adopted when accosted by lowlifes of this nature is to toss them a corndogg, works every time. And remember..... Stay Classy Seattle.

its 8after 2many minutes youv'e been aboard a hot n scchhweeattyt ty yy morning "coaccoach"" hr

the above was an attempt to bootstap my morning post with an interesting buy-line, all this while watching the mariners lose and watching my fantasy baseball squad power back from a lackluster opening day. at this time I'm checking out the "brackets" for the bigger dance-or otherwise known as the "QUEENS OF THE HARDWOOD"

Day 8 evening commute bus 358

Well were riding in back today, I got lamar odom passed out hunched over sleeping it off next to me on the back bench, there's a shitter onboard as the air has the repugnant odor of drunken whiskey trots, next we get some cat asking for back door only to be reminded by the driver you pay up front. Like he hasn't rid the bus everyday of his life right? With our turning onto Ho'rora ave N. The viewer lucks out with another group of methed up losers boarding... ohhh lord this broken down bag is talking about all her venereal disease experiences... BAM! Instint charcter nickname for her
Syphillus Sally, she's braging about bein to every clinic on thiswhored out bus route. Now she's talkin about these five guys she took on in the washelli cemetary back in 73, what a blown out battleaxe! And sally gets of at the adult toy store by oaktree village and she just ran across, almost getting hit by a dump truck, into the store s/m store it goes. Well what will the daily home depot worker report bring, damn depot put up a chain link fence where the worker hanged out, ohh we got police activity at 125th on the stop at the crack villa by the black angus, looks like some pimps threw down, and here boards a hippy child with all this shit pierceed to her face that looks like a case of mouth dingleberrys, yep she's a hippy and whips out a shoreline CC laptop, she's making all these fucking transients get greedy.....and up front I see a pack of kareoke suzukis have boarded, that's how it is in shoreline these days. Lamar Odom lives, he made a jump for the back window seat and with his hand placement is threatening masturbation, ahh.... the great shoreline Fred Meyer approaches, now lamar is trying to sell mariners tickets cause he says he's a doorman at SAFECO, I'm getting invovlved and ask him what's he got for opening day and the Cubs series, he says he gots bleacher seats only for $25 each but can get club passes for me at the gate, I say"get the fuck out of here". Hold on to that thought.. Habib Jr just got on and is sitting in back, he just tried to pimp on that hippychild girl, she got off at th next stop, now he's thumbing through pictures, is this kid casing targets is my question, he don't look to sharp anyways with his john travolta coat on.

Evening commute rider forcast

With local degenerates consumed with fervor over higher booze taxes they feel that target them in general a high level of panhadler vigilance is recomended, the likelyhood of a bum riot is high as the mounted police patrol is on standbye at the moment. Those of you traveling on the most destituted of routes should persue other means of transportation thids evening. Warning... it has been reported that a mass outbreak of heavily inebriated winos are boarding buses in downtown seattle at the moment. A drunken Indian warning has been issued.

The Ramifications of the proposed liquor tax on the daily commuter. an investigative report brought to you by Baldwin Poolio

With the proposed statewide liquor tax, local vagrant leadership has vowed to share the higher cost of booze with the average working man, the "why lie,share your beer with a bum" campaign will target the working individual who drinks untaxed microbrews. Ballard bridge Bill, a long time resident under the bridge was quoted as saying " the poor n homeless feel as if we are being profiled against, we cannot afford micro brews nor wish to drink dark beers with higher sugar content as most of us suffer from diabetes and poor health in general" bill later stated that under the new campaign, his crew of bridge dwellers will be sure to accost and work over the local pubs on Ballard Ave in a mutch greater frequency in an attempt to convey their plight to the rich and working class. The ramifications of this tax

and here it is......

And we have boarded a fairly packed 358, looks to be filled with suits on their way home, but upon further review we do have a standard Ho'rora ho sitting up in front and how wonderal, she has a crack baby in the oven, I'm glad to be helping to pay the medical bill for a future truant of the state. Wait... ohh here we go a burnt out transient couple just got onboard and were gonna know everything about what their up to as their drunk and chattering up a storm... It seems there on the way to Rite Aid to buy some headphones so her man can rock out, he's like "your gonna have to be my sugar momma today", she kinda looks like Alice the Goon, no hold on.... she's a man, its a he she. And he's certainly oblivious to this. So there arguing now, he wants to hit the liquor store first and heshe wants to go to dollarstore, ohh lord! He just said he's the man, were dying here listening to this! So he's asking the driver what she thinks they should do, a couple of commuters say go to the liquor store, I put in my two cents in and point out he's the man, ohh man... everybody is dyin over these two. Now there making up and loving on each other, and he's sees the liquor store and starts screamin this is their stop, they just bolted off the bus without paying, he's apologizing to the driver and now their off to an evening of boozin an blowing. Fucking classic, he's the man!

a report from 15th n Market NW

Today a flotilla of wasted transients r playing king of the bus shelter and the wingman is down. Six of them passin around a forty while their partner lays passed out in the fetal position.. using hobo bills boot as a pillow, what a pathetic sight. And we got a crack queen bording the bus, she totally just cut off this old lady that I'm helping up the steps. Now I'm sitting in back across from this grizzly adams looking bumb, and.... he's bitching about the cold weather, should send him to texas. Now he's tryin to be gardening with cisco, comenting on every yard we pass, its long since pasts this deviants day, the gardening he does is sleep in them.

First wave of Migratory Vagrants arrive in Seattle

In an hilarious April Fools day joke, someone in the Los Angeles city council office distributed Greyhound tickets to the local homeless. Over the weekend several busloads of migratory vagrants arrived at Seattles bus depot, the destitutes , mostly clothed in panchos n bermuda shorts are none to pleased, several immedietly urinated in the bus depots lobby in order to get incarcerated, thus avoiding the frigid temperatures, the standard L.A. bumb is not equipped for temperratures below 60 degrees, the remainder have overcrowded local hospices and are aggresively trying to sdcrounge up bus fare back to cali. L.A. bumbs are the most shameless of derelicts, they'll pass out anywhere and even sleep it off within inches of their own feces. One should excercise extreme caution when in the vicinity of these cretins, the bumb wearing tattered shorts with dreads hanging in his ass crack. With this noted, your afternoon commute is expected to be the standard, pungent air quality with the possibility of mutiple panhandling attempts, and it is reported that the gurney boy is out about the north seattle region, if he boards your bus you will know instantly from the smell of the cathater bags swinging off the gurney, get another bus.

monday morning commuter forcast

With the Emergency Commuter Alert issued after wellfare checks were dispersed on the 1st, being lifted at 12:01am today, the commuting worker can expect a low level of morning bumb ridership with the air quality eminating a rather rancid smell n taste. Those of you traveling pass methadone clinics will enjoy the usual cavalcade of bad actors singing the the blues at around 6:30am. With the majority of the lazy and irresponsible having enjoyed a 5 star easter dinner at local soup lines yesterday, their sense of entitlement will be cresting this week, so expect to be accosted for change, smokes or your coat at every bus shelter. So keep up the usual panhandler vigilance as today the bumb will not be willing to "work for food". And finally.. have a nice Monday.

friday afternoon commute forcast

Your Friday afternoon coach ride is expected to be less than uncomfortable. With the Emergency Commuter Alert still in effect just about anyone or anything could board or be vegitating on your coach. Its predicted that wellfare nation will be at the peak of their drunk and or high, so maximum vigilance is recomended, keep on the lookout for bus shitters, if one sits down on your bus.... getting off and waiting for the next coach is highly advised and if the suspect sits down next to you, your basicly already fucked. An outbreak of pukers is also predicted for all stops within a block of any drinking establishment, so watch where you walk or sit. With continued rain and cold weather the heaters on weakwilled drivers buses will be working overtime, so air quality will be of the "I'm getting sick type", basicly it is recomended to go to happy hour and call a spouse, friend or cab home tonight.

noon hour report from Crack in the Box

Its a fucking feeding frenzy here, Jack gots the bumbs lined up 16 deep for what to them is a 5 star lunch. So this is how the wellfare people do themselves up after payday, its the cafeteria of kings for sure, I should instigate a food fight, but that may lead to a food riot with mass bumbs diving for food. Stay tuned for the afternoon commute forcast......

aagh... goood od morning......morning

Considering that I don't just beat a drum and then don't praactice what I preach, with the EMERGENCY COMMMUTER ALERT still in effect..... I took my own advice and am getting a ride to work currently, or carpooling would be the "green" word for it. Traffic is light, its storming out and I'm not feeling guilty at all about sleeping in. so power through the day and be ready for the afternoon commuter update....

how come.......

How come every 16 year old dude n over from lynnwood to everett has the worst case of acne ever, has cable tv not been invented out here or what, is proactive a controlled substance in snohomish county, or is it the water. These are some of the things I ponder when up north, furthermore, I wonder how these pizza faces ever get laid.

doin the shoreline shuffle

Passing through the traffic sphincter that is shoreline, the only real question is what the trusty Fred Meyer stop will bring, stand bye.. hold.... hold..... and we got nothin unless you count pookie who is tryin to get across Ho'rora, to late sucka! And on that note, I think this afternoon blog will be concluded, but one never knows what the transit center may bring..... and remember the Emergency Commuter Alert is in effect throughout the weekend. Will give an early morning update on this issue but the history says all the wellfare check money will be gone by Saturday morning.

bad luck strikes again.....

Once again I get the unjacked 358, open seat when boarding, I'm like what the fuck? I would have started blogging long ago if that's what it takes to not get stuck in a can of cooking vienna sausages for 30 to 45minute on a good day. Here's todays situation, we got a couple of unique wheelchair bound people strapped in up front so there will be several lift stops, a group of essais got onboard a couple of stops ago and there in back tryin to put some play on some ho's, here at oaktree a group of 14somethin punks board but shut up when they see the some well behaved playez sittin in the middle. Tension is low, I obviously missed the "wellfare express" but were only at home depot....just noticed this toothless freek sittin up front but she's gettin off, ohh shit....... this punk gettin onboard looks like the fat K-Fed and he's got rap boomin out of... get this.... a disc man, I'm dyin here, he's a real player hater. Well he's in back now and were passing 145th and there's this lady sitting right behind the driver who looks like she could be a cross between a witch and walter sobchack from the big lebowski, I'm serious, what sort of witch wears yellow shooting glasses.....

just missed 358, but.......

The 25 citizens who got off were split between women barging off with looks of disgust and a lot of people carryin Ross and Goodwill bags, but the gold medal goes to the tattered drunk who almost face planted on the stairs by this stop as he was asking me for a smoke while passing me, I said "negative, he turned to say somethin and tripped" hope his hands aren't to gravel burnt. Sorry, but I don't smoke and if I did wouldn't share with a deviant anyways" and I do call em how I see em!

waiting for 1st bus and.....

And the punk thrasher all chained and patched up dude just dumpster dived, he grabbed a ice cream sand wich wrapper n pick the last bits n ate them, and he's circling me like he's gonna go for the last sip of my drink when I dump it in.... just set the can in nice n easy and its sticking out the top, he's lookin... circling... bus is almost here, I just know he's goin for it as I get on, stanbye please........ bus is pulling in, and...... no! The boy does have an ounce of shame left, sorry readers, he didn't do it. Well everyone seems in high spirits on this bus after getting paid by me and you today, but........ the 358 is just a few moments away.......

ATTENTION

It is highly advisable to avoid all routes passing K-Mart, Value Village, the Dollar Store or WA State Liquour Stores ..................

EMERGENCY COMMUTER ALERT

It it has just come to my attention that the 1st of every month is wellfare check distribution day, ATTENTION All Bus Rides have the potential to be hell for the next two days as the town drunks will be on a roll by this evening, potentialy long waits due to buses overloaded with shopping carts, bags n boxes. ATTENTION get a ride home if at all possible because the slobbering winos will be out in force this evening, pukers expected onboard numerous coaches. ATTENTION- ride at your own risk, all bus commuters are highly advised to drive or carpool through the weekend.

evening commute forcast

With rain showers and temperatures around 40, the general volume of vagrants traveling around is expected to be light as most will still be at the library, but as for the population of resident bus riders-they will be snoring away on the bench in back they call home. The lazy gangster youth ridership is also expected to be light as they will be making welfare babies in their parents bed. Air quality expected to be towards the not nasty side due to low ambient outside temperatures, but buses with heat jacked up will pose the usual significant cold virus hazard with the high heat humidity festuring viral molecules longer.