Damn! girl! get that shit under control!

This is a blog about my twice daily trip to and from work onboard Seattle Metro bus 358, the 358 is known as north Seattle's most nefarious bus run. When the coach leaves I will be blogging as fast as my thumbs can type... so hop onboard and enjoy a run. your comments and bus experiences will be appreciated and responded to.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Two Minutes will tell the tale...

Tell the Tale of if I'm going to have to send this video of this pervert driver with his hand on a handicapped ladies ass to every motherfucking news station in the country, or if I made my connection and just have King County Metro cut his balls off.... tick tock.. tick tock.. and.... lucky bastard! I'm getting home early tonight... and will have long forgotten about Simple Bill after I get happy hour rolling... And This Brings Another Days Commute to a close, bye bye...

Getting ready to do some Cardio

Going to have to run for next bus as Simple Bill is playing grab-ass with a poor women with down syndrome at the moment, well I got this creeps bus no. And some video of his sorry act, time to E-mail Metro Command, time to run.....

Up in the traffic sphincter that is Shoreline....

I find that only 2 lanes of 99 are open due to some buttfucks idea of urban improvement and I am at risk of missing my connection at the armpit tansit center at horora village, not in the mindset for a long commute today as I left early to get ahead of Mariner day game traffic and Simple Bill here is driving this bus like a fucking retard!

Northbound with the trailer trash.... bus 358

This thunderous thighed fat greenwood high graduate and her mothy looking girlfriend who has some dumb ass punkass moron hanging on her are clogging up the middle of the coach... and I just can't help to overhear their conversation that barely passes as english... So apparently thew hefty bag has a thing for the mothy looking one, to the effect that she just offered to do another three way tonight if they would stay over... Allright! I've heared enough! 3 way trailer trash manouvers are not something I would ever want to be forced to witness, the suggestion off it is bad enough, with these three it would be like Earnest takes a ride on Ugly Betty down the Log Jam at Magic Mountain, and he does get thrown from the log on this ride. Well atleast they have moved up front as they got the drift that the text I'm typing is about their sorry asses.

Somebody please dial 911...

As we pass by Golds Gym I notice a trench coated bearded Gump looking deviant jerkin his gurgin as he peeks in on the the good people who are working out, no shame this one has. That's another example of concern, when the weather gets nice the mischievious masturbators rear their heads. I see the move to BumCon-2 was necessary after all, beware the deviant beat-off artist, normally they stick to public restrooms but there is always the oddball who's getting ready to make an ass out of himself on a bridge who's trying to get his last load off.

passing through 105th, southbound

The Rank of an east indian restaurant is emminating through the coach as someone needs to cancel the phad thai dinners, and we got a couple of wellfare prostitutes working the crispy creme this morning, you know the type of trailer trash mom, who tries to collect child support from 9 differant guys, but ends up blowing her way around town to make ends meet.

A snowsuit Steve report, courtesy of SpiderFace

An update on one of our many contributors, Snowsuit Steve, courtesy of local Arachnorock Band 'Spiderface', Steve, who had gone missing this last month, was apparently held up in Harborview Detox, having had his crusty snowsuit peeled from body, Steve is now sporting his signature summer 'osh-kosh bibs' and is back in action begging for change at 105th n Horora Ave N. So all motorists passing through this intersection should be prepared for a destitute who looks as if a truck just ran over his face, to be tapping on your window while waiting at the above mentioned light. I prefer to pitch him a AmPM BBQ sandwich in these times, as cash donations only increase the likelyhood that he'll wander out into traffic and put a dent in your bumper before he bounces over your hood in a booze fueled daze.

Donut-Hole Donnie has boarded the 358

A former standout Dunkin Donut vagrant, Donnie has redeemed his incessant begging ways for the last few years outside local crispy cremes, today he appears to be heading to the Shoreline methadone fix... as he's chattering away like a juiced up parrot dressed in 70's basketball shorts and a vintage Cosby Show t-shirt. Just more worthless scourge wasting air.

thursday moning, 6-24-10, Get a Job or Jump edition

With high temperatures expected to be in the 80's a mass outbreak of drunken panhandling is predicted today and throughout the weekend, A test of the Bum Con Meter is prudent as public indecencies and pagan worship are on the rise... So we are going to BumCon-2, extreme panhandler vigilance is not only reccomended but should be adopted for the remainder of the summer. Guard your shopping carts and leash your dogs as the average street bum will be in a state of cheap whiskey induced stupor, leading to random acts of false clarity that can or may affect the good taxpayer in umwanted ways.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Well we went straight through to Pioneers square

Time to get a drink and cool off from a shitty smelling bus ride, will update when the inevitable destitution is witnessed

passing westlake mall

A fledgling rasta lenny kravitz looking kid boards and losses his pajama bottom to the shock n horror of the young lady sitting in the hot seat. What the Fuck is with everyone losing their drawers in this town, the last thing anyone wants to see is some nasty ass festering ball pusstiule, it should be punishible by a 10,000 dollar fine and loss of revealed appendages!

and I notice....

I notice ali-baba and his forty thieves are eyeing that hotdogg guy in disgust, I hope for his sake they don't put a jihad on him, this is a tense crowd, it could get rather uncomfortable on this bus if a holy war against the oscar meyer infidel is declared!

With a warm n sunny day....

The Arabs have come out of their caves like K-Mart is running a Blue-Light-Special on sand or camell food! I'm serious, its like a Cabbie Convention on this coach, dirka dirka dirka

And at the SPU stop....

And at SPU another nefarious HotDogg scalper hops aboard and proceeds to attempt to peddle a mangy n stale big-bite freshly pulled from his pocket.

ahh... dirka dirka dirka... bus 17 southbound

A young pakistani fellow is ready to climb the mosque tower, with the jib-jive-jab of his carpet merchant music clanking out of the oversized sanyo headphones wrapped around his big nose. Ahhhh.... dirka dirka dirka....

A special treat for our viewers...

With my pending attendance of tonights Mariners game, this blog will once again be reporting on the squalor and destitution of all bums downtown... Will we make the Pike Place Market foray? Will bill n bob be working Occidental or on another mushroom bender on Bainbridge, and will the random wellfare vagrant incur my wrath? Stay tuned if you would like to know more... were currently waiting for a southbound coach by the Ballard Bridge, the smell of rancid whiskey piss is thicj in the air as it is obvious several bums have been using this shelter as their shitter. Nasty Bastards!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday Afternoon commute, Northbound bus 358

And with Habib, Achmed, Darshan, Akim, Akbar, Mohammed and Machmoud all onboard.. the casual rider has to wonder if there's a turban sale going on somewhere in north city. Well just hope these guys don't breakout the cardbord, kneel down towards mecca and start yapping! God I wish I had a dogg or a sausage biscut to pitch there way... And as this is a earlier than normal ride home.. we have a heavy contigent of todays students n youth onboard, and what a motley bunch they are, these kids are definatly packing sub 60 IQ's and pathetic fat rolls of the type that non-activity breeds.

Southbound, bus 358

The extra obese trailer park element has flopped down in back, this tub of lard is yapping away on her prepaid phone about the free fathers day score she got yesterday, all I know.. its gonna be along ride with this bus overworking by towing this extra gross ton of whale's lard.. one can only hope the engine doesn't blow a gasket with the extra stress.

Nick Nolte's mug shots look a like has boarded the 358

With wiry n frazelled hair, a trench coat and a habit of talking to the driver, Nick Nolte is onboard for the ride, and this guy is going for the Down n Out in Beverly Hills look all the way, I sense he will break out a can of cat food and start chowing down at any moment...

And another glorious week is here

With BUM CON 3 in effect, this mornings commute can be expected to be rancid but somewhat less than totally nasty, as most wellfare bums shot out the last of their monthly pay over the weekend. Instances of aggresive panhandling are expected to be on the rise, but with rain showers and unseasonably cool temperatures forcast, the majority of the lazy n unwilling are predicted to be hunkered down in local libraries.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Bus 358, Southbound, June 16th 2010

With the heat cranked all the way up on this motherfucker, daily 358 reports resume... And a standard issue street bum was pissin n moanin about the cop that hauled his ass off a bus for sleeping yesterday, well Ihave never seen a sign advertising mobile hotel so that's just to bad. And two methadone street bums just boarded and they are getting worked up into a lather about a bail bondsman or some sort of shit. With the heat turned up to 80 and rain, its starting to feel like a stinky tropical rain forest.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

An experts report on downtown Chicago destitution n vagrancy

And after four days staying in downtown Chicago, using public transit and taking cabs... I feel that I have a good handle on the state of the bumnation in obama's backyard. No. Beware the 7-11 Vagrant ( particulary more aggresive than the west coast variety, these deviants want your change from your purchase and will attempt to make you feel guilty with whining about being hungry) several minutes ago I gave one of these lazy motherfuckers my patented "NEGATiVE" only to hear... well you have a nice night to sir, with that I let him have it "I am having a nice night and no lazy, wellfare destitute is going to ruin it for me, so just keep on shaking your big gulp cup and be thankfull that people like me travel to this city and spend our 'hard EARNED MONEY that subsidizes your social benefits, and you have a nice evening to sir! Which brings me to point No. 2 most of the bums I have seen here are of the non-aggresive type, but after the sun sets the career vagrant tends to rear his ugly face, as I've been accosted directly after getting out of a cab and after coming out of a fine Italian Joint when I was dressed in more dapperness. At first this was amusing, but once the pattern was established, my patience became tested. Point No.3 is about the bums outside Wrigley Field... I didn't see any, I guess they got that shit under control. And furthermore, with being pissed off no less than three times by aggresive destitutes and one street performer, so I plan on turning up the heat on my home-town bum this summer.... Regular 358 busblog reports wll resume Wednesday morning, I remind all riders to keep your heads down as this is going to be a big one!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

the crack whores have arrived

We got some real big city crack ho's onboard yapping n screaming at their ho-phones, good to know some things don't change around the country

Live from the Blue Line, Chicago Illinois USA

With an official pimp in our car we are enroute from the airport to downtown, this pimp is decked out in a orange furry suit with pimp hat, he seems harmless enough as he's got one of his ho's watching youtube on his phone. The weather is sunny and 78degrees, I thought you soggy folk back in seattle would be interested in that, its nice out here and I haven't even seen any wellfare bums yet... but I'm sure the'll rear their toothless faces soon enough

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday afternoon Albino report

We got a bushy haired stoned albino onboard bus 44 at the moment, the pink eyed one is rolling a blunt in the seat behind at the moment. Well what can I say... If I looked as goofy as this fucker I'd be smoking a lot of reefer to!

And a Special Announcement from management

Tommorrow morning we will be blogging live from Chicago, from O'Hare international to the Miracle Mile, no bum, transient or destitute will be left unscathed from the horror.

Tweeking Methadoners

With tweeking methadoners slamming every window shut as they grind away ther teeth, the morning commute took a turn for the worse as this tropical blast furnace is putting me to sleep...

Wednesday Morning city Sludge report

As another uninspired week nears its end, I bring this report courtesy of Keystone Light and Preparation-H, must have remedies for the daily commuter. With a babbling bus driver and homely chick holding up the show on my community transit bus, making the 358 in a timely manner is in question... And after yelling for the Back Door to this driver, he responds in a voice that was somewhat similiar to Loyds from ent, ourage" I haven't gotten to that yet", I'm like, take the dildo out of your mouth bud and do your job. So I make the 358 and this motherfucker gots the heat jacked up, I got naucious bus ehaust fumes blowing up in my face, OK, 85 degrees with a pig vomit humidity index is just how I imagine everyone likes to start the day.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

358 southbound, morning derelict edition

And at the shoreline Fred Meyers, the hotdogg monger boards, today he's tryin to bum change for fare and so forth, hey pal! You just paid your fare!, and further down the line, a dagoed out group of methadoners board, but they seem to be content in traumatizing the good people in the front of the bus.

Horora Village Transit Center

With a calvalcade of erect panhandlers on the job, we wait for bus 358... No Change For You Pal, Get a job, Negative are just some of the responses these derelicts can look forward to receiving when approaching me this morning. And.... we have our first customer, a 15 year old kid who comes up and says "You got a cigarette" me "Negative" he gets a stupid look on his face and asks "You got papers" me "Keep on stepping bud" he wanders off shaking his head like I'm the asshole. What a fucking idiot, and that's right! I am the asshole! Who don't smoke and is not giving out an handouts!

The Running Late Morning Edition

Due to no fault of my own, were heading in late thanks to trusty community transit, who's slogan should be-When our drivers take vacation or call in sick, you should too... So as I ride with todays intelligence challenged youth who are enroute to Scriber Lake to receive no eduacation whatso-ever (that school is more like a tax funded daycare center for teenagers), I contemplate the upcoming 358 ride, as every derelict and red nose Jim and there cousins are awake at this hour.

Monday, June 7, 2010

SHITTY Bus 358

As I boarded via the back door and the 'shitter' boarded n slopped himself down in front, we have a mass movement of disgusted riders moving towards the rear of the bus. Its becoming a restless crowd in front as people are lunging to open windows and others pray as the rank of a thousand processed 7-11 doggs spreads throughout the coach. Fortunatly for this rider, I only have a short trip today due to previous plans, so I will most likely miss the continual trauma that the good citizens are experiencing in front.


We have a confirmed VAgRANT PUBLIC SHITTER, pants on the ground bum, with no shame, just dropped his drawers and squatted down behind the bus shelter, don't he know his brothers and sisters use the green area downhill from his impromtu loo as a camp and shade area. The deviance of this all is quite hilarious or apalling, depending on your perspective. But a worrisome thing is, this bum shitter looks is as he's planning on jumping onboard bus 358 when it pulls in, this shitter gots no paper as he's foraging through washed out soda-pop cups n general refuse in what looks to be a vain attempt at finding something to wipe his ass with, ohh no.. here comes the bus!

waiting for bus 358

And we got a skeezer chick hanging her ass out in the street as she picks up a smoldering cigarette butt, now she's over tryin to hang with the punk rock youth from earlier, this band of future and current bums will only add to the predicted heavy load of deviants onboard this evenings coaches.....

Monday afternoon commute with the bain of Seattle

Stuck sitting in back of bus 44 with a group of retarded punk rock youth.. the content of their dialogue revolves around drugs and where their going to score some booze, and there going to a barbecue apparently as I eavesdrop in on one of there phone conversations, well atleast he just said "cause chicks are annoying, I'm down to hang out with the boys" that's good, the last thing we need is this crew breeding and making more retarded wellfare babies.

JUNE 7th 2010, afternoon commute forcast...

With highs near 70 and a humidity index of schweaty balls, your afternoon commute will be punctuated with the stank of whale oil and refried bum beard, all coaches will be musty and feel like the inside of a vagrants sauna.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

What looked to be a promising ride...

Turned out to be dead as all the fuck-ups are off the bus. Tommorrow is a driving day for me, so have a great weekend, and I will try and get the Almanac done for this summer

Northbound,6-3-10, bus 358, evening commute

After just being accosted by the vagrants camping out in the green area behind the 358 stop on N 45th St, I was rather surprised to board an un-jacked coach, but.. as we travel north-the ugly face of drunken destituted squalor could rear its presence at anytime, and with that thought... this toothless drunk bag in back starts skawking like a wounde seagull, and believe me.. her dialect is only decipherable to the birds...

and....... continuing on...

And after hearing that Ho repeat how "she don't smoke that shit" a thousand times the ride is over, well pick this up on the weway home this evening...

here we go again, we got another loud tramp onboard...

So this Crack Whore gets on and sits down a few rows back of me and the wench is just chattering away about who knows what. Another fucked up ride with the Crazies, Fuck....

And we got our first bum...

So at the transit center, this scurvy bastard who kinda looks like a miner 49, is accosting the masses with questions "do you know how to get transfered out of here" I promptly tell him Metro gots a customer service kiosk inside of that Home Depot over there, and he heads that way. When in doubt... all roads lead to the home depot is my policy! Hopefully he'll apply for a job or something... And we are proceeding southbound approaching the Methadone Center for the useless, and nothing worth noting this morning...

Thursday morning 6-3-10 , derelict report

With the BUMCON-3 status, the possibility of a zombied derelict accosting you for change today is real and expected, as local derelicts will have burnt up their wellfare funds on things such as 18 hours in the local dive bar capped off with a two night emporers package at the $50 dollar crack motel + a 40 lbs bag of alpo for their mangy mutt, just about covers a monthly wellfare check... So commuter vigilance should remain high, the suns out so most street trash will be looking to work the tin cup over today. Ride SAFE Seattle

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

And I just had to get the last word...

As I got up I turned around, glared at them and said "Why don't you stick somethin in your blowhole and save yourself from explaing to use that your the dumbest person on the planet, you you you fucking tramp" I let her have right to her face, before she could form the word fuck the old dood starts to say somethin and I let him have it too " what r you gonna do bitch, the only real question here is if your dumber than her daddy" as I exit, I'm greeted with numerous looks of approval from my fellow working commuters, then the stupid tramp starts cursing at me from inside the window as I walk past, I just laugh along with everyone else.. well I'm almost home, good night all...

Ohh this is starting to get tedious

This Tramp needs to take the dill-doe out of her mouth and just suck on the old guys wang already, anything to shut this retarded skank up please... Now were hearing about her boyfriend and their sex life, and she's looking over the seat and trying to see what I'm typing I scence, read it bitch and shut THE FUCK UP, SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE CASTRATED HER DAD BEFORE HEE COULD SPREAD HIS ILLITERATE BAD SEEDS! Fuck allmighty, YAP YAP YAP YAP, if I had a bat I might be tempted to use it, now the tramp is trying to start a fight with this chick wko is glaring at her, fucking Lynnwood is coming out of the woodwork today, Lord Thank God were here, fuck this bitch and the old dude egging her on

And at the K-Mart...

Dyed hair Kareoke Suzuki?s have boarded the bus and get this their playing an old scool 'simon says' and that's about it... except for this loudmouth, she of low intelligence who's chirping away about her painkiller habits with some old dude who's. Trying to get a piece... and he goes on and on trying to impress her with his knowledge of drugs, yap yap yap, Its like a flock of crows now as the japs have piped up in their tongue.. "Fuck Me"... sounds like a retarded energizer bunny is going off on this bus.

at the taco bell AA Center

The derelicts drunk Indians disembark to get their chits stamped for the judge. And up in the Oak Tree Village District I see several fledgling ho's trying to break in to the territory, Its like a Sub, a Movie and a BJ serve all these days. And.... at the home depot, we have a lone worker toughing it out for the last few hours of daylight, but in front of the Old Lazy Fish an army of bums has congregated, taco day was yesterday boys...

furthermore as we pass greenlake

We got this fat teenybopper mowing down on a family size bag of oreo cookies, and no crumb is being left behind.

Pants on the ground

I'm in back of bus 358 with a gang of Ethiopian Kids who all got their pants on the ground, fuckin savages are looking at me like I don't belong in back... Well these skinnies can kiss my ass...

Wednesday evening Hippy Trash Edition

With the long hairs and beads swinging, we begin what is sure to be another ardeous commute-considering the humid conditions today. One can expect the smell of ass to be eminating from all Metro coaches this evening...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

WOW, a random observation

While waiting here for my connecting bus, a couple of women get off bus 301 from downtown express and the heftier of the two had... a set of pork-chop sideburns that would make Elvis nervous, please tell me this is not a new style but just a random hygiene oversite...

and up in the Shoreline traffic sphincter

I've been trying to get real time picture uploads going as this pierced up gingerbread boy and his herford girlfriend in the seat in front were worthy examples of the freaks that frequent this route, We are working dilligently on getting real time photo uploads in the future, think I got my memory to jammed up on the phone, but on to other things, offcourse the bags on the scooters need to get off in the middle of the construction in Shoreline.. so there goes another ten minutes of travel time and the corn-dogg boy is bording at the Fred Meyer stop, today he's eating what looks to be... Freddies Deli Beefaroni and yes... he is starting to beg for change, "Sorry Pal, should have got a dogg instead and saved the rest for the bus" I tell him as his jaw drops in dis-belief that someone would talk at him like that, so I give him a sneer just begging for him to continue, he don't, just mumbles a bunch of fuck shit under his breath... and here we are, end of the ride at my happy hour stop before the transit center, couple quick drinks and off to home for me, Good Night all and please Stay Classy Seattle!

Passing through 105th N

I have a report on Snow Suit Steves territory, it seems Pookie has taken over on Steves corner as he's out there manning a mangy cardbord sign targeting the westbound traffic, this blog is going to have to do some investigating as to the whereabouts of our trusty contributor SnowSuit Steve, Its a good sight seeing all the flags up as we pass Washelli Cemetary, not that most of the scourge and youth on this bus would have a clue as to why the flags r up.

358 northbound, 6-1-2010

What a stroke of luck, we get a coach loaded with to scooters, one of the bags gots a boxed TV strapped to the basket, this is going to be interesting when its time for her to disembark, the air quality is that of a rotting refried skunk as the humidity is currently in the mid 90's and the soul-glo is migrating to the seat backs. WELCOME TO A NEW MONTH fellow working commuters, I like to think the beginning of June is when the daily commute is just about to go over into the Abyss, generally the average commuter who has a vehicle is nearing the point of saying "To Hell with this!" about this time of the year, the first heatwave of the year (with the associated shingle stricken bum riders and an ever increaing putrid odor to Seattle Metro Buses), will be enough to force the taxpaying commuter back in their vehicle with the general consensus that higher expenditures on parking and gasoline are worth not having to sit in a tin can with the squalor and repeat losers of todays society for a couple hours everyday.

Wellfare Tuesday Evening Commute

With he greazy dry fart that is the wellfare check Monday destitute, the commute begins on bus 44, a atrophied young Jack Sparrow follower is onboard along with a gaggle of sing bums that could stand in for the Disney Bear trio if only they had banjos. And now Abdull is arguing fare up front, "just throw in some arabian gold boy". Well we can only hope we got a little wait at the 358 stop for some Annhuaser Busch Brand refreshments today, as its shaping up to be a longh ride...

passing Greenlake

With a disturbingly light contingent of destitutes traveling this morning, High Vigilance is recommended as the wasted drunkards are expected to appear at anytime, we'll continue this investigation this afternoon, Have a great day back at work Seattle!

And as the Gurney Boy rides the lift...

We got a couple of tramps chomping down on the breakfast of whores-doritos n sausage sticks, good to know they take their conditioning n diet seriously, with the Gurney Boy safely strapped in up front we continue south passing through 85th

Home Depot Report

With no workers stationed out front, one would suspect that I.N.S. is in the neighborhood this morning...

And at the 145th st Tobacco Street....

The first large contigent of the unwilling board this coach, with cardboard signs in hand, this group is on its way downtown to begin the summer panhandling season in earnest...

Morning Methadone Clinic Report

With local tweakers having had three days of daily doses given to them on Saturday due to the Monday holiday, a mass of crazed addicts is predicted to be grinding the gums outside the shoreline clinic this morning... standbye.. almost there... almost there.. and we got one fat bastard leaning in on the clinics door, looks like the mathadoners must be on a standard wellfare check induced blow-outs, yet I'm sure they'll be rearing their nasty toothless smiles before long..


With monthly WELLFARE disperal occuring at 12:01am today the BumCon level has been increased to BUMCON-3 (numerous acts of strife and deviance expected), although it is apparent that most destitutes are still securely held up in their dollar hotels at this hour, increased sightings of daylight zombies and toothless panhadlership is to be expected throughout the week. A predicted rise in local ambient temperatures will only add to the street vagrants boldness. Vigilance is recommended as the bus-shitter index is at orange alert.

Tuesday, June 1s 2010

With my early bus still showing up after threatened with being cut, we are on our way to work. A NOTE on the promised Summer Bus Riding Report n Expose, due to heavy fishing activity over the weekend the report has been delayed, fear not though, this must read will be available before the conolel's shit hits the fan. And ariving at the transit center...