Damn! girl! get that shit under control!

This is a blog about my twice daily trip to and from work onboard Seattle Metro bus 358, the 358 is known as north Seattle's most nefarious bus run. When the coach leaves I will be blogging as fast as my thumbs can type... so hop onboard and enjoy a run. your comments and bus experiences will be appreciated and responded to.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

10/5/10 AM Report, Bus 358

With decreasing morning average morning temperatures, the most illustrious of the street transients are preparing to move back aboard the bus, this stinky bum is the type that uses the back of the coach as his or hers bedroom, living room and kitchen. An indicator that one of these wreaking of cat-urine transients is living on your bus is the large backpack and cluster of mutiples plastic bags in plastic bags being used as a pillow. The odor alone will wave most commuters off from sitting anywhere near the squatter in question, but if forced to ride in the general vicinity of the moaning bastard.. drop some canadian change as you leave the bus, thus giving the stinkness a hint to get the fuck out of America.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

358, thursday morning 9/30/10

What's This.... the methadoners are making a run for Mini Sirloin Burgers at the 130th Crack in the Box, the pile off like they were in the Tokyo Subway and are running into Jack's place, I wonder if someone told them today was the 1st and are under the impression their wellfare money has hit the debit card, ohh well, todays the 30th, fuck-em. And in other news.. we have compelling information about Snowsuit Steve, I will be posting a special report about this in the future. And all is quite at Golds Gym, no nefarious masturbators today.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Wednesday Evening update from Bus 358

With word that the LINK-LITE Rail crashed into a van full of vagrants earlier today in the Ranier Valley, I have meager sympathy for trash that cannot get out of the way of a train, fortunately I live north so I only have to hear about when the LINK gets fucked up. And this evening the 358 is rather tame as I elected to board the 2nd coach and avoid the foul odor of the damp bum. In a late report from last nights commute, I had turned off the blog when the Shoreline HotDog Huckster boarded, but he was only decked out in some free give away Mariners shit, you know the type-the cheap cap with the Supercuts loo on it, no doggs to be pedaled yesterday. And we have a suspiciously gay ugly ponytailed wide eyed tribesman babbling away about these sharp pains he's having on his mobile, and he's says it happens when he walks fast and he's got to go see a doctor, standbye, I feel he's gonna deliver a punchline.... he's talking about how he usually does those works outs in the morning and is connection goes bad, so he goes up to the driver and says his connection going bad, "c'mon pal, this ain't a fucking call center" driver sits him back down and he starts yelling into his phone how he likes to eat it in the morning even if he gots to force it. Allright.. gklad this ride is over, have a nice evening, I need to leave this bus before I start crying, this dude is going on and on.... its bad.

Bus 17 northbound

Bus 17 is no 358, that much is certain, but I surmise that future Sounder Trips will provide ample content for this blog while I'm waiting for my connecting bus in the heart of downtown. The indecency is running strong in the city! We will be bringing the cam in the future to establish a more thorough documentation of it all, and.... there is a strong possibility we will be able to bring to the viewer once again, THE BUM SIGNAGE OF THE WEEK REPORT!


After riding the SOUNDER TRAIN to downtown I can confirm the ZOMBIES from THRILLER ARE LIVING IN THAT PARK ON 3RD N JACKSON NEXT TO THE KING COUNTY COURT HOUSE, long know as a 'no go zone' this park has long been the harbor for every type of fucked up fella and derelict drunk. As I'm waiting for my connecting bus back up to Ballard, I Note - The General State of Street Bum Decay which is now running rampant through our once beautifull city, Thankyou Mayor Mcginn, only you could prevent bum fires! And we got some Pookie looking fella in a mobile chair across the way holding up a scribbling of a clown labeled Cary Grant, I surmise it must be code for "I'm a worthless piece of shit, can you spare some change so I can get my bearing greazed"

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Due to increased emphasis on the GTL, bus ridership has been sporadic and will continue to be in the future, although 358 trips are not cancelled, I have changed the daily routine and take several alternate routes with roadwork and workouts in between. But, I will still report on the spot coverage when the enivitable outrage of shameless deviance or any incident of downright dirty destitution occurs, afterall... we still have a long way to go to reach 358 days, 5 months n 3 weeks to nbe precise. And just now, the driver made a special stop for some crackheads in front of the 135th KFC, WTF special priviledges for those fuckheads.

Tuesday morning, 9/28/10, jungle to jungle run, bus 358

With an ambient humidity index of 180 degrees, bum schweat dripping from the ceiling and the methadoners clacking away like a pack of crazed monkeys its like being in a tropical jungle on this hot, boiling hotdog of a bus. One would think the driver would have the heat off... but no sir, its maintaining a solid 80, and lord almighty! The Gurney Boy is bringing his putrid urine sack game onboard, this may lead to a mass outbreak of passenger vomiting if those bags aren't empty, but fortunately for me I'm in the back, but I can see several ladies up front faces start to turn green and then they promptly get off the bus to wait for the next one. The Horror........

Friday, September 24, 2010

358 northbound on frog looking ho friday

Its a ripe time for the Johns to head to Horora and get serviced up, the tramps are running thick this evening, and I think even Steve gots a shot at some play if he's willing to part with some change. Other than the fact the Prostituion industry appears to be thriving along this north seattle corridor, I don't have much to report, so I'm going to wrap this weeks blog up with a qoute from an old friend of the show, "LET'S, GO SEA...HAWKS....." Ed the Tuba Man


With the crew-cut She Ra's salivating early in the morning another less than motivating commute begins, and I see Flipped Out Fred is already working over the work force at the transit center for some change, and upon boarding the 358 the sounds of the morning prayer session to the prophet are strong in the back, and Akbar even gots his magic flying carpet down in back, Ali Baba he is not..

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Ahh Shit...

With the temperatures in the low 100s I was knocked out and almost missed my stop, woke up to a bus loaded with riff raff and squalor, the bum lineage is strong today, well on to work.


And off-course the blast furnace is on, at nearly 100degrees this bus is a safe harbor for H1N1 and all other viruses, obviously the driver is weak willed and has anticipated verbal outbursts from the bum who uses the bus as his house and always starts bitching about it being to cold onboard his living room.

Thursday Morning 9/23/10

With plunging Ambient Nightime Temperatures, historicly the good working commuters of western Washington could look forward to a general transient exodus to the soutth, but not this year, not with a bleeding heart bum loving mayor runnning things in Seattle, this bearded hippy is systematicly attempting to turn the greater Seattle area into a Bum-Haven with handouts a shelter and a food bank on a corner near you. I just want to know when it became acceptable to have deviants lying around allover the city just feet from their feces. And with that the 358 run begins, sure to be filled with many more lazy motherfuckers and the random stinky bastard.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Ahh Shit, we got a Dumpster Demon onboard

This nasty ass motherfucker has half of home depots garbage bagged up and wrapped around himself and he's sifting through Taco Del Mar bags for a snack, the smell is atrocious, better he's sitting in front and I'm in back, that much is certain. And a morning methadone update, Today the commuter can expect a rather average level of crazed methadoners with an outlook of increasing wild-eyeness and useless chatter.

Morning Midweek Strife Edition

With local Edmonds Deviants onboard the 1st bus and a jag of retards on their way to the school for the neglected youth, Wednesday morning begins... And the whore sightings at the transit center are minimal, one can suspect that the wellfare dime isn't stretching far enough for a piece of nasty ass from the aids gang. But I do notice this crippled cat rolling around on a board like Eddie Murphy in trading places, probaly just a poser so... no coin for you, and once again.. bus 358

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


IN THINKING THAT A BLOG OF THIS NATURE WOULD HAVE CREATED SUCH A FERVOR OVER A FEW MONTHS, I FEEL THAT ALL SUCH TRANSCRIPTIONS SHALL BE TERMINATED UNTIL MY CONFECTIONERS CAN GO OVER MY LEGACY. BUT... as i see it. "IS JUST WAY TO MUCH FUN TALKING SHIT ABOUT THE DUMB-ASSES ON THE BUS" So after six months of texting this bullshit, I feel that it is my responsibility to my fans and the working commuter in general to finish it out, and it will only be 358 days. At day 358 I'll take a commuter bus and make a clausterphobic scene or something and stop traffic on the 5 bridge or something, "I can see it know 'I HAD TO MUCH BUS IVE HAD TO MUCH BUS LET ME OFF LET ME OFF' and of course I'll be booked for not paying my fare" fuckers dont know guys like me should ride for free instead of those wellfare motherfuckers that do it every fucking day!

UHH OHH, mutiple hoopties at shoreline KFC

Looks like the double down with the conolel is on tonight........

and at the shoreline fred meyer

I just happen to notice Rico Suave dude jump off the bus and don his Fred Meyer vest with the smoothness of a career retail associate, and he looks over his shoulder, checking to make sure none of his essai's are around and back go on his aviators, na na naa na na... Rico............... Suave.............

Ahh.... once again passing through the traffic sphincter that is Shoreline Ghetto

With a weak driver with no balls, my connnection will most certainly be delayed, and further delays are incured when all these moslems just have to haggle about the fare when getting off at the local Wahlgreens, man... if only I had had a nice fat n juicy pulled pork sandwich to have grubbed on earlier...

And I almost Forgot to mention

Mention the two drunk Bolshevik guys in the seat in front, well they got off at the liquor store and sounded as if they were going to pound a couple more bottles of wodka and have sex, an example of when the booze goes bad.

358 northbound, 9-21-10

If it weren't for the absolutely nasty-ass couple making out in the back of this coach, I would swear I'm onboard a mobile mosque at dirka dirka hour. Let's see.. we have 1 2 3...... 18 foreigners chattering away in the back half of this coach. Sounds like the crowd during the cow rugby match in Rambo III. Well.. let's see how our favorite example of destitution is faring this week, ahh shit Steve is looking lively, marching in a stagger back n forth patroling the discount golf store corner, NO CHANGE SHALL GET PAST THIS LINE OF SQUALOR! AND AS I move to the front of the bus it feels as if I just flew around the world and landed in fucking Tijuana, hold it! Somebody please break out a pinata so this pack of kids will get off the bus. And yes..... a fledgling wanna be Rico Suave has boarded, hope they like his game in little baghdad in back off the bus.

Monday, September 20, 2010

358 southbound

With the chattering of the morning scourge annoying the working commuter, the 358 run begins. The stench is foul with these ones-apparent dumpster dwellers, that have not missed out on the left over beefaroni for months.

AM prostitution alert at the transit center

Damn! These ho's are burning the morning oil, hoping for the early AM trick apparently, possibly trying to collect up on last of the wellfare money from the horned up destitute. I can just see them taking on a team of bums behind the home depot while their kids play in the bushes. Sad

Monday Morning, September 20th

With Bum Con-4 set, I have hopes of a non-eventfull trip this morning, although the odds of this are minimal to meager. Last week I noticed a horde of methadoners congrating around their mecca in shoreline so we will be keeping a sharp eye out for those clacking fools as we pass by.

Friday, September 17, 2010


A return to full n detailed Bus n Bum Blogging will commence Monday morning at roughly 6:30AM, sorry for any inconveniance but I have been otherwise detained on vaction and since tuesday have been doing battle on the planet Reach

Thursday, September 16, 2010

358 reports to resume soon

Due to vacation over last weekend, bus blogging was temporarily suspended, we had a slight log in issue on the east coast so reports on the retards over there were not available, but trust me, the fucking bums in Washington DC have a collective IQ of just slightly less than negative 33.5 which is just slightly lower than the average service workers IQ. I anticipate a fresh 358 report will be logged no later than Friday morning.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Tuesday Night report

Just making my way north here, no blog today as have been preparing my football league for its draft later, but we do have a Steve report, Am proud to say its looking up for him this evening as I noticed he was clutching a warm Papa-Johns 18inch pizza when I passed by, Way to go Seattle! Way to make a bum feel like he matters! And in other news I'm ptroud to announce there we be some very special reports coming soon to this blog later in the week and over the weekend, So stay tuned as your not going to want to miss these anticipatred rants!

Monday, September 6, 2010

For One Day, we go to BUM CON 5

With Labor Day upon us good working people, the average street bum will be forced to move his game to your local grocery store in a vain attempt at starting his or hers week out with some change. If you happen to come across this type of bum, make sure to pitch them some canadian change. And for the worker who is unfortunate enough to have to go to work today on your designated day off, feel secure in the fact that you too.. are helping to support your local bus stop bum.

As for todays commute... those of you commuting should be at high alert for mutiple pans handled and general bum strife. As bum income will be low, the bum market will be taking a dive today and actions will be taken by the collective to rectify the situation.


Thursday, September 2, 2010


It appears the squalor police have visited recently, as the previously mentioned orgy pits and other forms of bum housing and leisure furniture are gone, but we do have a bum and his sign working the northbound corner, he's got the 'will work for food' mojo going. The last time this guy set foot on a jobsite, he was in high school tryin to bum money from his mom.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Carpooling home today

So the ever-rustic 358 ride will have to wait till next time. But I do note that a drunken Hoser looking dude is wandering around Ballard with a half gallon of Black Label, the scurvy bastard is wasted and bound for a night spent with his vomiit in the gutter. And a new mobile bum pit has parked in the neighborhood, a Dodge Ram Van, its off course brown and is loaded to the ceiling with bum- loot, shot a pic so will be posting it up later as a referance photo of standard bum housing and orgy pittage.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010



And were rolling up to the transit center

The rain is falling and the shelters are overflowed with gremlins, once mogwai, but to much exposure has brought the worst out of them, time to head to the bar and sit this wait out, have a nice evening.


Withe the boarding of a couple of homely looking goon women, one has to wonder if 'Pat' has been making babies in north Seattle. Well its akk messed up today, wh y not bring on the ugliness! And we are rewarded with a fat, drunken, drooling, Indian getting aboard obviously just after have been given the heave-ho from goldies casino, dudes jeans are soaked and tattered from the mile or so he's been walking, and now he wants to talk. He's rambling on about trying to get downtown... driver points out he's headed to the horora transit center, this leads to a beligerant eruption on his part and his ejection at 175th n horora, good luck to that guy, he's all fucked up and staggering east towards I-5, he'll be in the drunk tank quick at this rate.

And passing through 105th...

I note that Steve is Iron Manning the Pro Golf Discount Corner decked out only in his SeaHawks Shmock, that-a-boy Steve! Your not going to get the type of donations that don't jingle decked out in a full rain-suit like the competition has on over on the other corner. I suspect we'll see temperatures in the low thirties before Steve dons his SnowSuit this fall...

In Todays Bus Health Index....

One can look for extreme humidity and numerous viruses drifting around inside your coach. Although the onset of the cold n flu season is still several weeks away, I will not discount the germs and scourge that is manifest in the average street degenerate, use all means of disenfection possible whenever riding on public transportation.

Tuesday Afternoon

With the arrival of fall weather conditions in the greater Seattle region, Bum Unrest and Anxiety is on the rise... As local transients jockey for prime tent city real-estate, others.. such as Cockled Crotch Sally appear from their summer roosting at local pea-patches, in search of... Dry Ground.

Tuesday Morning Methadone Edition

Well the meth zombies are at it again jabbering away about some mushroom trek they are cooking up for the holiday weekend and off course their asking for 'change' NEGATIVE as these dead-beats will be getting paid at 12:01 am tonight... Which means.... We will be going to BumCon -2 tommorrow as a midweek wellfare pay-day will lead to an outbreak of drunken riff-raff and bum flotsam starting tommorow. Ride Prepared People.

Monday, August 30, 2010

DAMN! Seahawks Steve Looks pretty chipper today

He's got short sleaves out and is working his sign with renewed vigor, our boy must have got paid today. Anyways he's working the passing cars hard, not letting any change slip by today, that much is sure...


And the rank is off dog-shit, or maybe its just the schweat coming off this fat kid in the seat in front. Most of the people onboard look as if they just stormed the beach. It certainly is not a coach one would wish to be stuck on long for. Well atleast the rough looking hippy element got off at green lake. We'll definatly be keeping a lookout for our main man at 105th. Now a pack of teenage stooges just boarded and their proceeding to jack-assasize themselves in back with bad rap and lame slang. And were making good time... passing the crack in the box at 85th N. Meaning a gaggle of derelicts and K-Mart shoppers have boarded, this one obviously mentally ill guy has rose pedalled parachute pants on and looks as if he's barely got a grasp on his last vestige of sanity... stay tuned... this cat could go bad at any moment...

Monday, 8/30/2010, afternoon commute

Once again another week of toiling onboard the bus is upon us. With a rampant outbreak of shitty bums, the ride begins on bus 44, and this driver could be strait off the street with the werewolf beard he's got going. Inh other news, the local Ballard capter of the "give me change coalition" bum-rushed 7-11 over the weekend, apparently several were hauled off to the drunk tank for passing out in the Jack in the Box bathroom, our trusty 7-11 counterman Habib was stuttering through a tirade of broken english/pakistani cursinhg this afternoon as he berated several wellfare bums who were trying to short changed him.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Bus 358... northbound...

And we got this guy onboard, decked out from the big, tall n wide emporium in seahawks gear and sandals, I don't know why the hawks would cut this fat bastard, he's the type of fall over lineman that would take 3 defenders down with him, but then again... his stench possibly could draw to many unsportsman like conduct penalties or his penchant for reaching in for a few more pork grinds could lead to a Unimpended to the Pocket Flag.... and as we proceed through Shoreline, I notice that there's a lot of women with moustaches out n about today, three on the bus and another couple coming out of the Drift on Inn Casino.


Well Steve got his sandwich and I got some info on a ongoing bum-down situation. As Jerome Biggums is working kitty-corner to steve at the moment. According to Steve... that asshole is moving in on his territory, as Steve had a fresh black-eye, I can only speculate that these two have been throwing down in a turf war for this prime pan-handling local. I shot some discreet video of the situation in an effort to document the plight of one of our most generous characters. But I'm concerned that in this economy.. there may not be enough change to go around...

Bus 75, friday afternoon commute

Well the hippy trash off Ballard has been left behind, but several other younger derelicts have boarded and are wasting air in the back. As I'm turning this afternoons trip into a photo shoot, on the good Kodak HD CAM, I've set up shop on the perfect side to get a little Steve footage as we pull in to his bumpost of 105 n horora ave N. Then I intend on pitching him an AMPM BBQ rib sandwich, afterall.. he is a big contributor to the show. But the goal is to figure out the blog page and post up some pics and maybe a video or two this weekend, to spice things up....

Blatant Bum Deviance in front of the Ballard Dollar Store

Apair of long haired hippy bum just walked up demanding a drink of my beverage, I told them to take a hike and pitched some pennies out in the street in hopes a passing bus might have a meeting with them. There still ranting and raving at me from the dollar stores vestible, but they are eyeballing the change... stay tuned


With the recent Steve absences from his post, I think its time to go check in with the poor bastard . So were gonna take bus 75 up to his bumpost and see what's going down...


The local resident Ballard Hobo's are showing sign's of entrepurenial spirit, as they have once again commandeered the available resources for lodging. THIS TIME IT IS SOMEBODIES CAST OFF LIVING ROOM BUFFET CABINET! This thing is like 8 feet long on legs, has two shelfs accessed by large bay doors, and I just witnessed a Bum hop out of it! Ha ha ha, they got themselves a bunk buffet under the bridge, now they just need to bolt some casters to the bottom and turn it into a mobile home. What will they do next....


With the coming of fall rains in the greater Seattle region, Bums Are on the Move, the shopping carts are loaded and a general migration towards bridge underpasses and viaducts is at hand, overcrowding is to be expected in these bastions of bum soceity. And expect sewer n storm drain back-ups region wide as this summers transient cardbord housing disitigrates and turns to cement below the city, also leading to a outbreak of displaced rats throughout the region.

Snowsuit Steve is now changing call-signs to SeaHawks Steve

With the donning of his Fall Football battle-coat (the old-school Chuck Knox era sideline Hawk Ski Parka), Steve has officially shifted into 105th Gridiron mode, as the Seahawks battle the competition, Steve will be manning his corner in front of the Pro Golf discount shop, braving the continual mud-puddle splaqsh to the face and the epitaths of numerous carloads of teen-agers having a laugh at his expense. The drive to get this diehard Hawk Fan some tickets starts now!

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Well things are looking up, Steve must have shipped out that gangster motherfucker who had ran him off. And Steve has donned his old-school Hawk Gear, one of his sly ploys to increase sympathizers and donors....

Rolling past Taco Bell I notice

I notice a gaggle of homeless helping one of their own who is down in the bushes face first. "What the fuck is going on today" is all I want to know. Its like Retard Rush Week on the streets of Seattle. Not my problem, think all just delve into the current fantasy football update and hope this Acquired Bum Defiency Syndrome is not contagious.

And Now a couple of Fruit Loops are....

These two bossum buddies are discussing the fine art of sucking small penis, OK, just about the time they start doing a demo, I elect to move back up front and brave the Gurney Boy's plight, poor bastard is strapped belly down on this 4 wheeled gurney board, its has a standard wheelchair powerpack, a joystick control and a toggle for mouth manipulative commands, with several gallons of urine sacks lashed to the sides. We can only hope the fruit of the loom squad in back fdont eyeball this kids mouth manipulator, it could be enough to get them hot and bothered and the poor gurney boy molested while strapped to his saddle. And if this all isn't pathetic enough, Jerome the drunk bastard of greenlake, loses his pants as he stumbles onboard. What a loser, dudes got Sesame Street bikini underwear on, "Please Proceed to the Rear of the Bus Pal" and he's got his porno belt strapped up and on his way back to hang out with the fag gang.


And with that headline.... you suspected... and you got it! THE GURNEY BOY is cramming up the front of this bus and it appears he has disengaged his cathater as the stench of spam and urine is ripe with this one. Well I'll just proceed to the back of the coach and hope to escape any further raptures the poor kid may share with the riders up front. And now here's the original-idiot, dude in back gots his shirt off and is telling these nasty looking chicks "Check out my Situation" and everybody starts crying in tears at this morons commentary, dudes like a skinny little runt and he's running this bogus Jersey Shore Game like a retarded pimp, Some Leave Lynnwood, But the Lynnwood never leaves them...

Thursday Night Commute

With Bum disobediance on the rise I stand here in Ballard watching these two NW Indians waste away in the SE bus shelter on the intersection of 15th n Market St, the grizzled and weathered faces on these two tells the story.. 1st week of the month spent in the SmokeShop Tavern telling stories how they to will be getting their Casino Check too, then sleeping it off in the alley to finally end up manning bus shelters until the 1st when the wellfare is deposited on their debit cards, and the cycle continues until the inevitable ambulance ride to harborview for a stomach pump and a bum-makeover in the showers. And the Grateful Fdead fan club has boarded bus 44, the burnt out state of these two is impressive considering the dude has only one leg and is using a pool cue as a cane... On to the 358 where the stench is robust and the floor is sticky with last nights urine.

Tony Orlando and his Spawn

With the BUM-ROIC signage that explains the plight of his childrens mothers plight... and hailing in from the prime pan-handling grounds of Orlando, Florida. The sign says it all... "Please give me money so my kids can eat... their Mom is at harborview on dialysis awaiting hip replacement" this display of homeschooling the kids on the curb will be coming to a NFL game near you soon. The shamelessness of putting your children on display next to the pan is irrefutably low, but this is the type of destitute you will come across in the fall as you make your way to a football game. "Someone Please Impound This Dudes Combi Wagon Please"


Although City Officials will refute the fact that pan-handling is on the rise, the average tax-paying citizen knows the truth. From Grocery Store to Liquor Store- No one is ammune to this outbreak of transient greed. Just yesterday I witnessed blatant begging outside the door to the Crown Hill Plasma Center. This in my opinion is an outrage... bums bumming from bums, the plasma center is known as the last bastion of greenbacks for the healthy destitute and stray youth who's out of cracker jack monies. And shopping cart theft is on the rise once again, local recycling yards have been put on notice, so thank the shingled out guy on the corner the next time you can't find an empty cart at the store. Just be thankfull Mustang Sully isn't using it for an orgy pit....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Due to the fact that the increased alcohol tax legislated by the state of Washington has decreased weekly revenue, The State has been forced to increase the alcohol tax by 1% and decrease wellfare benefits by POINT THREE THREE (.33%) PERCENT.
This Blogger just found out about this inflammatory move.. more than possibly directed towards harnessing in the endless funds the State Pays towards supporting the unwilling or just the fucked up in the head people you see at the bus stop every day.
With this move a general state of BUM UNEASINESS is guaranteed, with the lack of funds for alcohol, The Standard Street Bumb will behave more as a zombie than a begging human, only seen under darkness, it will be tattering a dumpster near you.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Use alternate transportation this afternoon at all costs or just go to the bar. The presidential motorcade will be clogging and gumming up all bus routes today and the bums will be restless and insisting on more money from the governmant-courtesy of your tax dollars of course. So.... I'm declaring this... STIFF THE BUMS MONTH, take your change to coinstar before you consider donating to the average street douche....

Monday, August 16, 2010


With the critical move to the second 358, I scored an un-eventful trip, we passed 3 other fucked up 358's along the way, sucks to be them, well I'm almost home, have a nice evening, I'm driving in tommorow so blogging will resume Wednesday...

Looks like SnowSuit gots problems

At 105th n Horora I see a pipe hittin gangster workin a sign and no sign of SnowSuit Steve, this isn't good... that's fucked up if this gangster ran him out, well keep an eye on this situation....


Not wanting to be a sucker, I passed on that 1st 358 a moment ago and am safely onboard the almost empty trailer 358, the 1st one had atleast 200 poor bastards onboard, it was like that scene from War of the Worlds (lame movie) when the burning train goes cruising by. Never get on the burning bus, for me.. this time it was th 3 hefty enchilada packing home depot workers who were waiting to get on, if one of those guys passes gas on that 1st bus.... there will be fatalities. So I'm secure with knowing we'll be passing that express ride to hell shortly, and I will be on schedule to get home and get ready for some evening sport-fishing. The action on this bus is zero.. so we will be looking for Snowsuit and the usual suspects along the way today.


We await bus 358, wondering what the wrath of the transit gods will be today? Will the unsuspecting be traumatized with an outbreak of vagrant deviance? Or will they transit gods be kind and produce an un-jacked 358? But with an extreme increase to the Deviance Index this last week, one should brace themselves for the worst! I myself when the likelyhood of Bum retardation and emulsions is high, I just chug a couple cold drinks before the ride and roll with it....

Shoeless in Ballard

Some twenty somethin dude just went cruisin by barefoot, he noticed a empty pack of smokes on the pavement, picked it up with his toes, and thoroughly gave it the search. Well he was coming from the general Fremont direction. Hippy

Monday Evening Commute Outlook

With the Mercury Seering into the mid 90's once again, all coaches can be expected to be preheated to 125 before boarding. Ride today at your own risk, for your commute can be expected to feel like a ride in a George Foreman Grill, and the smell will be somewhat like the aroma of rotten roastinhg hog entrails. Just pray the overly obese K-Mart shoppers have taken the day off. As for me... I'm turning every stop along my way into a bar, so I have a brief respite from the horror...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Somethin overheard at the pub, moments ago

So this mexican dude, probally around 42 years old, is talkin to this older gentleman, and he starts asking the old dude about his balls... So In the spirit of this blog I tune in and go to BUMCON-1, and the first dude starts talkin about how he's having a problem with sitting down on his balls more n more as he grows older. So the older gentleman chimes in with "Ohh Ya, you'll be able to use those things for seat cushions pretty soon as they stretch out like pan-cakes" eventually the converstion degenerates further in to talk about how the mexican dude is worried about them getting caught as he climbs over the fence. Well... I had to go, so checked out and am gonna make sure to exercise the nuts as much as possible...

Friday, August 13, 2010


With temperatures approaching the 90's Ballard local chapter of Bumtology has lost all remnants of shame... They got the beach blankets out on the cement and a healthy collection of brown bag beverages is being passed around from mouth bung to mouth bung... But their most industrious move of the day is the abandoned subaru wagon they have commandeered and turned into a combi wagon. The scent of reefer is thick! Well I'm happy my tax dollar helps keep these stray's high, wouldn't want them to stray to far from the local DSHS office and miss out on payday now' And they have even acquired a ping pong table, its like a regular country club with a Subaru orgy pit as an added bonus, OH, AND ONE OF THEM, A REAL FAT BASTARD, JUST SQUATTED NEXT TO THE SUBARU.... TALK ABOUT SHITTING IN YOUR OWN ROOST! The dogg days of summer are definatly here.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Transit Center Report

Well it appears Trash Can is taking his swamp-ass north to Everett as he's boarding the 101, wait... driver kicked him off and he's walkin over my way. "Hey Man, what happened?" I ask. "Man....Driver said my transfer doesn't work on his bus man" he responds, I let him know you got to have the card up here and even before he can finishestryin to bum 5 bucks from me I cut him off with "No, you got enough for a jug of booze and you want 5 bucks, go ask out in front of Home Depot, the manager there will give you 2 bucks just to get rid of you, its company policy" and I explain how I know him and he'll hook you up if your persistent... Trash Can is like... "Thanks Dude!" And he wanders off over that way. Just another example of The Rules of Panhandler Negotiations. Rule No. 44 When confronted by the friendly Bum who thinks your cool because you spoke to him about something, Always dump him on the nearest business, personally I prefer sending them to the Home Depot as they have a hot dog stand with ample garbage cans ripe for rummaging, and another nice touch to this ploy is to reccomend that they hop on their application computer, usually telling them crt alt del o shift unlocks the internet sells this deal, its great comedy if you follow the stinky subject in and observe the slow and hilarious response the guy gets from the staff, as they are shifted in to anti shop lifting tactics. But today I'll just proceed home and save the show for some other time, think I'll go down to the pier and try n catch a King tonight.

And.... Theres Always Has To be Somebody.....

Well one of the swiftest and most pleasant 88degree 358 runs in memory is abruptly halted at 165th, (but were not in the business of looking forward to a peacefull ride are we)when this skinny drunkard decked out in an army flight suit and galoshes stumbles onboard. He flops down in the seat in front of me, Lord! He's got critters crawling around in his dreadlocks, wait, he's pulling the bottle out of his gunny-sack, yep.. he's got the two dogs rolling! Canadian Hunter Whiskey that is. I so Knight thee-TRASH CAN THOMPSON, well that's what his name tag said anyways, the stench of the mid summer dumpster is strong with this one.... Now he's pulling out the Arby's Bag, I better move before this dude starts to shit himself, Arby's has a reputation for blowouts and is well known to have been a conspirator on some of Seattle's heaviest Bum Shits, Well were almost to the transfer center, and we'll see where Trash Can is headed, most definatly not down to Edmonds, as local authorities have a reputation for keeping this sort of riff-raff far away or atleast out of the lower bowl.


Steve is sitting in the bushes in front of the Pro Golf Discount with his hands to the sides of his head in a dejected posture, Could the Heat be getting to him? Or is the recession really hitting him that hard in the pocket? One thing is certain, as he is a friend and frequent contributor to the show... I appeal to all, have a heart and PITCH SNOWSUIT A DOGG tommorrow, make him feel that his fans care....


With predicted temperatures in the mid 80's to low 90's for the greater western Washington region, a second wave of bum celebration is predicted, the unreported on this blog 'puddle of piss' on yesterdays 358 run may prove to have been a bad omen for this weekend. Numerous instances of public Bum Lounging can be expected in all Green Areas of the City and in extreme instances.. your front yard. As the average Seattle Destitute has already spent your monthly wellfare donation to his cause, Bum Belligerance can be expected to be on the rise, NOW IS THE TIME TO BREAK OUT YOUR CANADIAN CHANGE AND STICK IT TO THE AVERAGE PANHANDLER, another noteworthy way to turn the table on these wet-nose nuisances is to donate the last $1.67 on your holiday or birthday gift cards to their cause, they'll get the picture when they try n buy a Barnes n Noble Cookie with it and don't want to part with the extra 27cents to complete the purchase....Well just hop'ed aboard the 'UnJacked' 358, what a surprise, and there's only a lite scent of urine today.

Lunch Hour Report from Ballard industrial

So over at the local 7-11, BullShit Blaine attempts to bum 'change' from me with a greeting and the "Help a brother out" line. I'm like " Do I know you? you ain't my brother and you sure don't look like no brother either" he starts whining and I ignore his sorry ass until he wanders off to afflict the dude who's pulling in to fuel up his ski boat. But... I do know who that piece of shit is, back when Ballard Denny's was in operation, BS Blaine was a daily miscreant who would slip in the side door of the lounge always trying to sell the rag-weed farmed on his mom's ass, he currently lives under the North Side of the Ballard Bridge with the rest of the worthless troll trash, as I have seen him there frequently over the last 4 months, he's the type of perfectly able bum who is in need of a full blown ass whiping!

Thursday Morning, The Bum Orgy Bus....

We have a sighting of the Mobile Bum Sex Orgy Bus, Its the hub-less former tour bus that has a smoke stack coming out its roof, word has it this bus doubles as a bum porn-studio along with the standard uses such as Bum Voter Registration Center, Mobile Booze Wagon, and Parking Lot BBQ center. If in the vicinity of this Bus, use caution, as its driver is always inebriated...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Bus 358.. Northbound, 8 11 10

Another run begins, with the stench of burnt tire eminating from the back off the bus, or is it the foul odor of the breeding water buffalo. Ohh it must be the rank from the chaffed out n passed out street wino in back...


Upon learning that Snowsuit was a hardcore Punk-Rocker in the 1980's (an addiction to slam-dancing has had a lot to do with his demise and current state of affairs), local Arachno-Rock Band 'SpiderFace' is spearheading a movement to assist Steve as SpiderFace feels supporting the street derelict is not just a hobby but rather a civic responsibility. Thus the 1st CONCERT TO SEX UP SNOWSUIT is being organized. All proceeds will be used for a train ticket and prostitute fees in the city of Vancouver B.C. So have a heart people and show Steve some compassion this weekend by purchasing him a AMPM BBQ RIB sandwich, he's gonna need his energy.


So have some compassion and posse up, head to the nearest AMPM or 7-11, load up with the 2 for $2 menu and bring a smile to a bum's weathered face by pitching them the cornerstone of their diet, a jalepeno dobb slathered with chilli n cheese or the big bbq pork combo sandwich, thus making Sunday NATIONAL BUMSHITS DAY.


With fans and vagrants off the show contributing from all reaches of the nation.. I bring you this report from Belmont Shores. CA, courtesy of M. Savino, Bar Manager at The Belmont Station. Apparently last night a Nick Nolte playing Down n Out in Beverly Hills Bum came in to the Station and asked the patrons awaiting drinks " can anyone chip in some change so I can get a cold beer". On hearing this report I immediatly recommend that a pint glass with a note 'change for bums beer' be put on the bar, and once $2:50 was put in, the beer be spilled in with the change... Am still awaiting the follow up report on this issue...


Just chiming during the wee hours of the mornining when the average street bum is soiling him or herself under the shopping cart you may be using tommorrow, I myself am sacrificing tommorrows work perfomance, in hopes I can find and upload to my facebook.. so I feel cool like the bus shitter feels cool when he ruins a hundred peoples day. DID YOU TAKE YOUR LYSOL SHOWER?... I KNOW I DID, I GOT A POSITIVE FETISH, I'VE HAD IT FOR ALONG TIME... Its... NOTHING OF MY BODY OR CLOTHING WILL TOUCH THE PLACE I LIVE IN AT ALL, so this means I'm always stripping down and washing as soon as I get home, no just flopping down on the couch for this guy, as I like to feel secure later in the evening that I have killed all the taintedness that a ride on the 358 creates.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

and... we have an indian kid looking for some cocaine

Well, waiting here above the Costco for my last bus at Horora Village, the random Indian Kid (I could tell by his village accent) strikes up conversation and asks me if I know where he can score some coke? Well as the White has sinced past me by, all I could really tell him was to go check out every Jack n the Box along highway 99 and ask the Ho's, the'll probaly know for a fee. Probally not from Forks as he could just wherewolf out and go jack some pimp for his stash if that was the case, but I will say, this kid did have that sort of look. Well almost home.. have a nice night and remember the BHE warning, Lysol Showers People, Lysol Showers...

The Shoreline Ghetto Boys Have Left the Bus

As the trailer park princes get off the bus and run like idiots into oncoming traffic just to go into Jack in the Box, the rest of us breath a sigh of relief and gather ourselves from the free comedy show, and what made it worse.. was that they picked up a couple of tubs that were really into them, someone please have these people fixed or we are well on the path detailed in Idiocracy, if further retard breeding is allowed in trailer parks and trash dumps....

Entering Shoreline

Well its always good to see Snowsuit Steve Manning his intersection, he's on a good two week streak now, so whatever was ailing him must have clered up. And now this Cleveland Browns dude is tryin to beat-box with some shoreline gangster wanna-be's, its like a ring of white trash jamming to lil bow wow, what the fuck is wrong with these retards? And now this black dude sitting across from me catches up to tthis display and starts smilin, I can't resist.. and say over to him "So this is the bus trip when the rhythm died ehh" he breaks down almost in tears, me too... somebody please turn off the music!

and the Shell Shocked have boarded...

Allright, this dude who just got looks as if the Bum-Rave Party just ended, he's all wide eyed, sporting a Cleveland Browns Jersey, decked out with a Red Budweiser Hat and off course.. Jean Shorts! He's one eyeing all the advertising on the Bus as if its critical information or the schedule, and he takes a seat next to some fat K-Mart Gold Club Members. Ahh shit.. the mullahs got their cell phones out. Everybody Duck! Ohh, false alarm. Sounds as if their just making plans for Lamb Skewers or some sort of shit that gets aeasoned with camel dung...


How sweet, we have a arab family at the stop who have their young Dirkistanian children with them, bus pulls in and I immidietly step up, cut them off and board the bus to the chagrin of several destitute gas-bags, onboard they are glaring at me so I give em a quick chuckle and a sneer. This Is The USA afterall and I don't plan on letting a clan of dirka dirka dirka speakers take the lead any day until they have the common courtesy of using my language when out in public in my country. Let's fry some bacon.. or maybe some of the fat high-water wearing bull dykes ass would provide enough grease to make these mullahs nervous.

Just a few minutes ago at the Ballard Industrial 7-11

The sisters were workin over the line hard for 50cents, stick to the ho-in girls, get your blow job pumps on and get up to Horora if you wanna get paid like a real prostitute, Habib, our trusty 7-11 clerk eventually shooed the ho's away to a tirade of their bitchin and screaming, sounded somewhat like a infuriated group of chimpanzees fighting over food. Ahh well... back to the commute, arriving at the 358 stop, that sometimes doubles as a street bum orgy-pit.

Bus Fumagation Plan put in effect.

In an attempt to reassure the general public that community buses are safe to ride on and not festering cess-pools of disease and squalor, Local Transit Authorities have notified the public that frequent fumagation is performed on all coaches, trains and vans. This all to dispell growing concern over the general air quality aboard tax subsidized transportation.


With reports of an outbreak of widespread butthole encyphilitis rampaging through the cities homeless street vagrants. ALL TAXPAYING COMMUTERS ARE ONCE AGAIN URGED TO AVOID PUBLIC TRANSIT FOR A PERIOD OF TWO WEEKS! Scurvy Scott and Douche Bag Debbie are two of the known carriers of this scourge, as their daily transient routine is highly unpredictable, all high ridership routes should be considered infected with BHE Spores, a routine lysol shower and immediate washing of all clothes traveled on the bus for the day in question is recommended to render the spores uncontagious. More reports on this later after future investigation

Crisis at the sleazy shoreline Meth Center n Clinic

As road work is currently restricting access to the Shoreline Methadone Clinic, the local methadone scourge is at a state of emergency with rumors circulating that they are being shut down. A ideal situation for the average working commuter, let them die off.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Nearly Home

Well with the load of shit that transpired today, its apparent that the summer bum run is in full swing, ride at your own risk! Numerous instances of anti social and regunantly offensive behavior can be expected on all coaches n routes until Fall Rain Showers arrive in earnest. Have a nice evening...

The HotDogg Huckster is at it again...

Ohh what a treat, a true friend of the show has just boarded up here at Shoreline Fred Meyers and he's tryin to sell another Dogg, but when he gets no action on the regular, he whips out a chilidogg and gets a buyer who jews him down to a quarter for the chilidogg, this guy gots to weigh 350+, guess he just can't let a questionable Chili dogg chance going to waste. So I tell the Huckster to load up with the Freddies Clam Chowder tommorow and to have lots of crackers handy, dudes like can-do but wants a 50 cent deposit, "get the Fuck out of here" is my comment, bring some tacos tommorow if you wanna get paid! He gets all bummed out and were arriving at the transit center where I spy a couple of enormous cow looking things chowing down on mondo burritos from taco del mar, aha... its the Home Depot customer service counter girls lunch hour, more like a trough hour, gonna be a blowout in there tonight, steer clear.

And at the Brown Bear Car Wash in Shoreline...

This half drunk cat runs up on the bus and starts begging for gas money, before the driver can give him the boot, he gets a sob storry out about how he's run out of gas in the car wash. What a putz! The Bosnian at the exit to the car wash is screaming somethin in eastern european tongue at this clown, and we proceed on without the presence of the carwash con-artist.

The Random Bus Shitter with SHAME

At 130th n Horora We witness this dude bbolt off the bus with what could only be a rough booze trot seeping through the back of his jeans and down his leg, he's running into Albertsons, it sucks to be on courtesy duty there today.. This Episode is notable as the average Bus Drunkard would rather spray the funk of rotten skunk shit around than disembark any bus that he has happened to shit himself on, interesting, I bestowed that dude with a Bumtology designation of Shamus Amos, this blog will be keeping our eye out for his sorry ass in the future.

The Broken Down Methadone Bag-Ladies

The chatter of two 40 somethin Methadone bags is stirring up a hornets nest of deviant conversation in the middle of this coach, and drunken Leroy starts hollering about some money one of 'these bitches stole from him' atleast this is getting the mullahs to move to the front. And yep.. just another week willed driver is in charge here, so its going to be a boisterous ride, with numerous referances from usless scourge about how their boys are gonna gat your ass at the end of the line. And the funk of 40 thousand whiskey trots begins to eminate from the front, WE HAVE A BUS SHITTER ALERT!

For Goodness Sake, will someone please cook some Bacon

Its like the local Afghan to Pakistan Turban n Rug Express, with 42 cameless jockeys riding on the roof. This would be the oppurtune time to be chowing down on Jack's new Bacon Chees n Chicken combo-just to clear a path and a seat as these are just the type of Mullahs that would declare holy war on my sandwich. I'd like to run this bus right into a Hog Rendering Plant and announce "End of the line, and we got a special on pork roasts at door 1 plus a sausage squeezing clinic at door 2"

Monday July 9th, afternoon 358 run, northbound, heavy squalor...

And the site of my first bus shelter being used as a parking garage for the wellfare transients roll-out of choice-the value village shopping cart. The thought of a mad-max movie set comes to mind... Well were back to the regular grind here waiting for bus 358 with several hammered mexicans holding down the the stop in a pathetic display of home-depot 'I wanna work holmes' slouching. This mornings commute was highlighted with the site of SnowSuit Steve prancing around like the Proctor and Gamble propolactic poster boy, I surmised that someone spiked his morning big bite or one of his many derelict pals put the Preparation-H label on a tube of Wasabi. He sure looked like somethin was burnin up his asshole. And here comes the 358, stand bye for the forcast

Friday, August 6, 2010

An Early Morning Thought...

After all... the Drunken Fisherman has to blab about his exploits... Well anyway, Yes it is true ALL COMMUTERS ARE AT A STAGE OF BUMCON-1 AWARENESS until qualified authorities are able to access the situation. But as I'm getting geared up to go back out fishing, I think my earlier accessemant was correct, AVOID ALL PUBLIC TRANSIT ON FRIDAY AND THROUGHOUT THE NEXT 20 YEARS IF ALL POSSIBLE. As for me, after my earlier post that claimed I would not blog......... well a strange thing happened when I turned onto the 5 at 11:57 yesterday, I saw fucking wellfare bums in piece of shit cars fucking up the flow of traffic! As I am an advocate of public transportation this was a new experiance for me to have to huck snot-rockets at the asshole gayman who tried to cut me off, and I made a point to try to make sure this fag did not make it up to capitol hill in time for his milking, FUCKING FAGS IN FORZA'S! yet then I kept rolling forward and just made sure that Dame flamer would have no chance of making his 520 connection to fag hill, not that I have any problem with gay people, I just dont like the fag such ass bobby lee that likes to show me his ass when I payed for a comedy show and not a ass show. SO NOW WERE CREEPING ALONG THE SHIP CANAL BRIDGE but actually I just wanted to use the word 'creeping' but we started to roll and then I went to this horders house in mount lake terrace, he wasn't home, so I took some shit of mine that I needed for later fishing operations....

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Reports have been suspended due to SEAFAIR Festivities and the arrival of the Blue Angels as I'm using vacation time to go fishing instead of schweating it out on the motherfuckin 358, CHEERS, daily scourge reports will resume Monday Aug 9

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Tuesday August 3rd, Soutbound bus 358

Not much to report this morning, as its suspected that most local inebriated destitutes are focusing their panhandling efforts on this weeks BumFair 2010 festivities, BumCon-1 is in effect for dowwntown Seattle and South Lake Washington this week and weekend as historicly the lazy, and indigent attempt to maximize their panhandling earnings at SeaFair Festivities and Events, I for one would like to see a mayor that has the fortitude to 'Ban The Bum' from SeaFair. So expect an increased presence of nefarious and suspect vagrants panhandling at all events this week, Just say no to demands for change!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Rumors of Citywide Bum Lice Outbreak have been confirmed...

With local businesses frequented by the vagrant element having been closed for de-lousing last night, I have uncovered a very important piece of information for local commuters. According to 'Habib' a 7-11 counter associate, the Health Department order a closure of his franchise along with the ajoining Jack n Box due to numerous complaints of louse infestation in the facilities restroom, but this blog has learned that this is part of a citywide crackdown on vagrant squalor and parasitic infestation. With this news its important for all daily commuters to choose your seat wisely on the bus, although Seattle Metro and Sound Transit are sure to fog there Coaches at the end of the day with delousing agents, this cannot guarantee that the random arachnid will not survive and attempt to hop a ride on your 'coach'. With a numerous sitings of scratchy bums the last few days, I surmise that Seattle's Homeless Population is in th midst of a Crab OutBreak, Travel via public transit at your own risk! I myself have been using alternate methods of transportation so as to not be put in the position to be at risk of invasion from arachnids. Stay Strong Seattle, Your City Leaders are efforting this problem with uptmost urgency, I have learned a commision has been formed in order to advise the mayor on the most expensive way to combat this outbreak of street lice.

Monday, July 26, 2010

we got some napalm on the treeline...

Or atleast that what it feels like on this coach, but atleast its an almost empty one except for the lesbians up front, and... ohh no... one of them is digging in her crotch like she needs the gold bond treatment! This I did not have to see... I'm going to excuse myself from the blogging and check out the fantasy squad. Will break in if anything of importance transpires, have a nice evening.

Simmering in Seattle

With the heat of summer upon us, Ramant acts of Vagrant Deviance can be expected at all times and in every situation, as its the last week of the month and July wellfare funds have long since been deleted, expect extreme panhandling in all locals... Onboard bus 44 we currently have this ugly ginger dude who could be the off-spring of Heat-Miser, serious... he has the look. With the 358 stop only moments away, I'm bracing myself for one hot motherfucking ride, gonna need the gold bond after this one! Please standbye..

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

this Bremelo looks like a man

And once I caught a glimpse of the face, the similiarity to Telly Savalas was striking and the nose says offensive lineman all over it. It was definately Beer-Sin when this one was conjoured.

BREMELO alert in shoreline

And upon arrival in Shoreline, near Goldies casino, the nasty of the nasty gets onboard, this gal needs to put some clothes on, no one wants to see her pimply-ass cleavage and her pimply ass butt-crack. I propose a Ban on all BREMELO ridership during peak hours throughout the year and I will suggest that this is an example for optimal Burka usage...

105th n Horora Ave N.

And there he is... Snow Suit, Is In The House! Sporting his tried n true summer gear, Steve is working his usual evening spot in front of the golf shop, shaking down the east bound traffic for some change. Today it looks as if he's rolled out a much bigger sign that appears to be hanging from his neck by a makeshift harness. Don't see any real action as we pass by, but one thing is certain.. that cat needs a makeover, maybe shave him up and outfit him with a all-terrain wheelchair or scooter or somethin. As the summer months are a down time of the year for Steve, I'm sure he yearns for the rain, sleet n snow of the winter, the sure bum sympathy card play.

Bus 358, northbound 7/21/2010 5:21PM

With the sweltering heat of the summering simmering the odors of bus passengers nationwide, I say... Don't let the asshole who stepped in dogshit on the bus. Reflecting on yesterday afternoons commute-I will say it was the most fucked up in terms of unyeilding oppresive heat that was tempered with the constant yapping from a pack of asian college students who just kept turning up the volume. But today, I fortunately am onboard with a much more cordial group of riders, and I plan on reporting in detail if we see snowsuit Steve in a few more blocks as we pass through 105th


After having 4 Azteca Tamale Platters at the job site today, my boss suggested I take the left-over fixings and donate to our local bum population, I concured as this is becoming a most entertaining social experiment. We got Bill n Bob plus their bag of n old lady plowing through platter No. 2, Platter No. 1 was quickly spirited away to Home-Scratches couch under the Ballard bridge, and a food fight is near as the soggy leftovers diminish. I take no blame for the predicted.outbreak of Bum Bean Trots in the greater Ballard region tommorrow morning. All and All I feel that I have helped my fellow man with this festering salsa n sour cream feast, for these Bums... Christmas in July came a week early.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Having secured a seat far away from the plinko tournament

I'm electing for nap time...

A ching a chong aching ching chong chong

Its as if the entire student body of Shoreline CC college has boarded, and these fucking loud bitches are sitting all around me talking about what must be there last epic night working the plinko machines, and now there cellphones are going off in a cacaphony of bad kareoke music, and the fat one just can't stop laughing for some reason, maybe she's sitting on a hotdogg or something, but all I know is, that listening to this racket is sorta like listening to Jabba pass gas.

Northbound... bus 358, passing the sewer that is greenlake...

And we have our first batch of vagrant talent sitting in row 2 seats c and d. These two gave up hope years ago, their level of destitution is a negative × 100 of the trials that the likes of snowsuit steve faces eveytime the light changes. Ohh.. how sweet, we're getting a display of bum-loving, when they hit the sack it must be like a trip down the wet n wild into a mosquitos nest with a does off pig stye for good measure. Ohh, and here we go, the lift extravaganza begins at N 85th street with miss hop sing backing onboard, how many will it be today... I wonder?

Monday, July 19, 2010


And near the city limits, what can only be described a fat and younger version of SNL's Pat, lumbers aboard, are those breasts or man breastadges? And it speaks in one of the most craggy and out of tune voices, now Pat is striking up converstion with everybody who boards, this is hilarious just watching the expressions on these poor people who are being accosted n then interrogated by the she-he, and Pat gets off the bus at goldies casino in shoreline, and I do feel bad for everyone at 24hour fitness if that where its going... ohh no.. its heading down the ramp and into the gym! Some things are just wrong! And this type of behavior should be considered a felony.


With the gait of a polynesian fire walker, we see Steve get somebody's lunch trash thrown at him from the car, poor bastard is all sunburnt to his cowhide bone. But the rumors that Harborview cleaned him up and outfitted him with some summer gear.. are true, as he's sporting some mis-sized jeans that let his backside see the sun and a pretty snazzzy brown plaid button down shirt. And the poor guy just got someones rotten taco bell sack thrown in his face, guess I'm gonna have to make a courtesy stop in the near future and hook the Poor Bastard up with a gourmet meal from AMPM to lift his spirits.

Northbound, the dago express

Upon boarding a half full coach I realize this commute is doomed to spiral into a bad case of wheelchair beepers at any moment, it would be a miracle for this run to go through without event, several heavily laden heavyweights on scooters laden down with 15 bags worth of blue light special booty are forcasted when we pass K-MART and their is always the ever oppresive risk of a Stephen Hawking impersonator boarding and going into a digitalized tirade over the proper procedure for strapping in his ride... and I notice the local greenlake dojo's have some sort of street food deal goin down, they better keep it under wraps! Or every Scurvy Bob and Ballsack Bill will be signing up for some Kung Fu training, just for the free hotdogg...

With Metro Transit Policia tryin to shake me down this evenings commute begins

Ya, when the transit sheriff pulls in just looking to give a ticket to the good tax paying commuter such as myself for drinking a cold refreshment at the stop... I want to puke and tell the asshole to do his job and harass the fucking masturbating street deviant that rolls around town wasted at will. No harm no foul though as I ditched the Ice Cold Annhuaser Busch product with a smooth quickness, and onward we continue... The sun is out and I fear that the 358 run north may go bad, but as its the middle of the month-the standard street derelict is running out of money and will be focused on begging outside tonights Mariners game for 'some change' as he will work for beer!

the Racoons are in the chicken coop

The sounds of incessant methadoner chattering have disturbed what was otherwise a peaceful ride as the usual band of suspects have boarded and are holding their morning court, filled with ramblings of long since past heroics and stammerings about epic booze binges in the days before they lost their teeth... Time to take a nap

Monday Morning, July 19th

A cool n foggy morning leads to a prediction of an unrowdy commute with the bums in a semi-conciuos state, it is safe to use BUM-CON 3 rules of engagement during your moring commute.

Friday, July 16, 2010

at Transit Center

It was like the running of the wheelchairs tonight, one lift after another, so I took a frigging nap, This journey is. Nearly over, have a nice weekend...

Northbound bus 358

And I elected to get on the emptier of the two coaches that pulled up as I'm not particulary in the mood to sit in the funk of 40,000 losers, and the gay men runeth here next to Green Lake, the bunson burner is flaming hard. And...... we got a official crack-ho boarding at 80th North, this bag is twitching and fidgeting as if she's got ants in her pants. Maybe, you never know what these pimps are into these days.

Transients abound at the 358 stop

With the rank of dead and bloated baleen whale.... this stop is now officialy re-zoned to a bum restroom, there's a skinny ass skater bum kid playing limp dick banjo in the bushes that share time as his studio and his friends bathroom, definatly a high risk of an outbreak of dysentary at this stop on 45th n Horora Ave North.

Friday Evening Commute, somebody please bring the lysol

After yesterdays near miss with a shitty ride, suspicion is high that we have left the fabric of civilized soceity for the summer and have slipped into the abyss of the world of bumcraft. And onboard bus 44 we have an extremely inebriated fellow with his shorts down in back, the driver is calling it in, hopefully I make it to my stop before Metro Stormtroopers show up to remove this sorry sack of shit...

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Safely back to my little berg of edmonds

After that last foray into the trash of soceity, I'm pleased that my jedi sences were working just fine and I was able to extract myself from the very bowels off hell onboard that shitty bus before the nastiest of the nastiest funk was inhaled, and almost certainly we commuters will be without the presence of that shitty bum for some time as it appeared his funk is now the problem off the jailers at King County Jail. Well time to sign off, have a nice evening all.

Rolling up to SHORELINE, making good time

If we avoid any Hotdogg Mafia we should be to the transit center in 7 minutes, and then the Lynnwood element throws a kink into the operation with a caravan of shopping carts to add to the mix, and Beat-Up Benny looks as if the trenchcoat mafia worked him over for his food bank loot, poor bastard!

LORD! BUS SHITTER! ABANDON SHIP! all hands abandon ship

With a swarm of fruit flies onboard the sweltering 358 the culprit was apparent, and with the first wiff of a burning big-bite trot I was off that bus, ohh the horror for those poor people still onboard, and I'm getting on the next coach and I imagine we will stopping frequently to pick up the survivors of an 80degree bum bus shit on the previous bus, so I advise the driver of what went down and to pass that coach as soon as possible, then its time to bust out double WHEELCHAIR BEEPERS and I jump on the next empty coach behind to pass up the shitty bus and it appears Metro security is going onboard to haul off shitty-stan, yep! They got the extra long rubber gloves going on and SPD is rolling in as the horrified near vomit stage riders disembark in hopes of a breath of fresh air, that coach may need to go strait to the wrecking yard!

THE DEVIANCE CONTINUES.... on Bus 358 northbound 7-16-2010


Thursday July 16thThursday july

The Wackos are out on furlough today, onboard bus 44 we got a posse of real winners led by this toothless drunk bastard, jethro is passed out in the seat behind me and the third is a wasted indian gal who just dropped her Ice on the back stairs, Jethro dives to save the drink and this happy dumpling gang is off the bus, not a moment to soon...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Morning Bumness at the transit center

With a mix of incestial Lynnwood strife and the prerequisite bus shelter campers I wait for bus 358 to roll up. Todays continued cooling trend has local transients in full retreat as the early summer high temperatures that brought the dirtiest of the dirty california deviant out of the shelters has failed to continue. So BUM-CON 3 has been set as most of the unruly will be back in the trenchcoats for the morning hours

Tuesday Morning Commute

With word that Balllard Bridge Bill is this years Hotdogg Derby winner we begin another day. Word has it that Bill outlasted all other deviants yesterday in the epic sword fight beneath the Horora Bridge Troll to win his second consecutive mustard mayor of the summer trophy.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Southbound, Bus 358

The zombie's have left the nest, as several confirmed veterans of zombieland are onboard and appear to be headed for a morning methadone fix at the Shoreline Distribution center. And we have a tweaker! She's grinding away on her broken down gumline, obviously nervous, not able to stay still, and panting about how cold it is on the bus. Typical for a Monday morning. And we have about 150 derelicts lined up at the meth-lab in Shoreline, the Zombie's bolt off the bus and the danger of bum deviance took a slight turn for the worse as several of the newly juiced up methadoners have boarded, moved to the back and proceeded to crack open what definatly smells like some malt liquor, St Ives maybe... Now we've been delayed by a wheelchair person who once again gots the strap jammed up in the wheels.

Monday 13 July Putrid Bum Schweat Edition

With the full summer rank of sunburnt bum, another week begins, several destitutes are currently onboard my local bus mounded up in heaps of their tinfoil n personal belongings. The air quality is foul as the stench of rotting flesh and the weekend wino mixer is evident aboard this coach. Its an ominous sign of things to come as the real heat of summer approaches. BUM DEVIANCE is expected to be extremely high this week, so brace yourselves for many days of foul odors, instances of bum defecations and drunken outbursts and the ever possible lingering rank of decomposing racoon.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

More WheelChair Beepers

And in the shoreline casino district the drunken wheelchair dude lifts of af and heads in to the pan table, good for him, probally get his disability check right from the cash machine inside, hope he hits it big so he can do some upgrades to his rollout. And we are entering the Shoreline Traffic Sphincter, fuck n ehh, we rolled strait through and Ohh My, a friend of the Blog is boarding at Fred Meyer, Its Our Infamous Hot Dogg Salesman........... So I ask him if he gots any doggs for sale today... and he starts whining about how they wouldn't give him the old dried out ones like they normally do... so I ponint out to him "Son, you need to know someone on the inside for the good free food option" he's like.... ya....with a intuitive look on his face, so I tell him to go get a job there and then you could be the Oscar Meyer of the Hotdogg Mafia,,, this gets fellow commuters chuckling. Then the kid starts whining about how he can't get a job because he's got no I.D. I'm like.. You mean you can't get ID because you got a warrant and he gets pissed, What ya gonnna do What ya gonna do.... and his humbled ass gets off the bus and my stop is coming up....

Passing out of Seattle City limits...

At 145th... the freckled lynnwood element aboard the bus gets an infusion of fat ginger dudes, all who are packing healthy cases of plumbers but, and these guys stink, really stink, like chicken manure or somethin, lord... let's get moving so we can blow this stench to the back. These guys have definatly taken the pants on the ground thing to far.


And at 105th n Horora, mutiple lifts off wheelchair riders puts the shutdown on the quick commute, but atleast one of the guys is definatly operating his chair drunk, I say "good for him" unless he fucks up and holds up this show, But with all the lift beepingI think a bus lift wheelchair beepers rap needs to be written-this I will think on over the ensuing days...

And continuing through the Oaktree neighborhood...

I'm pleased to say that the coach is emptying out nicely and we are making good time, good for me but bad for the blog as my agitation level is subsiding, but as the viewer well knows... this can change in a heartbeat. Maybe well get to see snoesuit steve in a moment as we pass through 105th

Ohh Lord...

The Greenwood prom queen just got her 74inch waist stuck between the seats as she slogged her way up the aisle, and a quick prayer, "please lord don't let her pass gas", and the danger is over as the buses slowing momentum at the stop gave her just enough kinetic energy to push through the barrier. Amen!

NorthBound, Bus 358, July 7th

Why Are these guys not on their choppers? Ohh ya... there fucking destitutes masquerading as Harley Davidson owners, and I'm fortunate enough to have the pleasure of listening to their bong fueled illusions of granduer on this hot, shitty smellin n schweaty coach, and to the left we have the fat greenwood trailer trash chick talking about her dads rabits, Its a fucking trashy cattle-call in the back of this bus...


With the onset of 90degree temperatures the BUM-CON Level has been set to BUMCON-1, Total Destitution is upon us tax paying citizens as rampant bum street defecations and masturbations are imminent. With the beaching of Wack-Off Willy at the pier 57 waterway, the Seattle WaterFront is officially at risk for massive Bum Infestation-travel through at your own risk. All commuters are to be advised of the risk of boarding a totally fucked coach ride at anytime, "I for one know this is about to be the case for me as I'm currently waiting for bus 358 with the usual gang of swamp-ass suspects who are swilling down the cheap vino as if it will re-hydrate them. Stay tuned for the evening bus blog...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Two Minutes will tell the tale...

Tell the Tale of if I'm going to have to send this video of this pervert driver with his hand on a handicapped ladies ass to every motherfucking news station in the country, or if I made my connection and just have King County Metro cut his balls off.... tick tock.. tick tock.. and.... lucky bastard! I'm getting home early tonight... and will have long forgotten about Simple Bill after I get happy hour rolling... And This Brings Another Days Commute to a close, bye bye...

Getting ready to do some Cardio

Going to have to run for next bus as Simple Bill is playing grab-ass with a poor women with down syndrome at the moment, well I got this creeps bus no. And some video of his sorry act, time to E-mail Metro Command, time to run.....

Up in the traffic sphincter that is Shoreline....

I find that only 2 lanes of 99 are open due to some buttfucks idea of urban improvement and I am at risk of missing my connection at the armpit tansit center at horora village, not in the mindset for a long commute today as I left early to get ahead of Mariner day game traffic and Simple Bill here is driving this bus like a fucking retard!

Northbound with the trailer trash.... bus 358

This thunderous thighed fat greenwood high graduate and her mothy looking girlfriend who has some dumb ass punkass moron hanging on her are clogging up the middle of the coach... and I just can't help to overhear their conversation that barely passes as english... So apparently thew hefty bag has a thing for the mothy looking one, to the effect that she just offered to do another three way tonight if they would stay over... Allright! I've heared enough! 3 way trailer trash manouvers are not something I would ever want to be forced to witness, the suggestion off it is bad enough, with these three it would be like Earnest takes a ride on Ugly Betty down the Log Jam at Magic Mountain, and he does get thrown from the log on this ride. Well atleast they have moved up front as they got the drift that the text I'm typing is about their sorry asses.

Somebody please dial 911...

As we pass by Golds Gym I notice a trench coated bearded Gump looking deviant jerkin his gurgin as he peeks in on the the good people who are working out, no shame this one has. That's another example of concern, when the weather gets nice the mischievious masturbators rear their heads. I see the move to BumCon-2 was necessary after all, beware the deviant beat-off artist, normally they stick to public restrooms but there is always the oddball who's getting ready to make an ass out of himself on a bridge who's trying to get his last load off.

passing through 105th, southbound

The Rank of an east indian restaurant is emminating through the coach as someone needs to cancel the phad thai dinners, and we got a couple of wellfare prostitutes working the crispy creme this morning, you know the type of trailer trash mom, who tries to collect child support from 9 differant guys, but ends up blowing her way around town to make ends meet.

A snowsuit Steve report, courtesy of SpiderFace

An update on one of our many contributors, Snowsuit Steve, courtesy of local Arachnorock Band 'Spiderface', Steve, who had gone missing this last month, was apparently held up in Harborview Detox, having had his crusty snowsuit peeled from body, Steve is now sporting his signature summer 'osh-kosh bibs' and is back in action begging for change at 105th n Horora Ave N. So all motorists passing through this intersection should be prepared for a destitute who looks as if a truck just ran over his face, to be tapping on your window while waiting at the above mentioned light. I prefer to pitch him a AmPM BBQ sandwich in these times, as cash donations only increase the likelyhood that he'll wander out into traffic and put a dent in your bumper before he bounces over your hood in a booze fueled daze.

Donut-Hole Donnie has boarded the 358

A former standout Dunkin Donut vagrant, Donnie has redeemed his incessant begging ways for the last few years outside local crispy cremes, today he appears to be heading to the Shoreline methadone fix... as he's chattering away like a juiced up parrot dressed in 70's basketball shorts and a vintage Cosby Show t-shirt. Just more worthless scourge wasting air.

thursday moning, 6-24-10, Get a Job or Jump edition

With high temperatures expected to be in the 80's a mass outbreak of drunken panhandling is predicted today and throughout the weekend, A test of the Bum Con Meter is prudent as public indecencies and pagan worship are on the rise... So we are going to BumCon-2, extreme panhandler vigilance is not only reccomended but should be adopted for the remainder of the summer. Guard your shopping carts and leash your dogs as the average street bum will be in a state of cheap whiskey induced stupor, leading to random acts of false clarity that can or may affect the good taxpayer in umwanted ways.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Well we went straight through to Pioneers square

Time to get a drink and cool off from a shitty smelling bus ride, will update when the inevitable destitution is witnessed

passing westlake mall

A fledgling rasta lenny kravitz looking kid boards and losses his pajama bottom to the shock n horror of the young lady sitting in the hot seat. What the Fuck is with everyone losing their drawers in this town, the last thing anyone wants to see is some nasty ass festering ball pusstiule, it should be punishible by a 10,000 dollar fine and loss of revealed appendages!

and I notice....

I notice ali-baba and his forty thieves are eyeing that hotdogg guy in disgust, I hope for his sake they don't put a jihad on him, this is a tense crowd, it could get rather uncomfortable on this bus if a holy war against the oscar meyer infidel is declared!

With a warm n sunny day....

The Arabs have come out of their caves like K-Mart is running a Blue-Light-Special on sand or camell food! I'm serious, its like a Cabbie Convention on this coach, dirka dirka dirka

And at the SPU stop....

And at SPU another nefarious HotDogg scalper hops aboard and proceeds to attempt to peddle a mangy n stale big-bite freshly pulled from his pocket.

ahh... dirka dirka dirka... bus 17 southbound

A young pakistani fellow is ready to climb the mosque tower, with the jib-jive-jab of his carpet merchant music clanking out of the oversized sanyo headphones wrapped around his big nose. Ahhhh.... dirka dirka dirka....

A special treat for our viewers...

With my pending attendance of tonights Mariners game, this blog will once again be reporting on the squalor and destitution of all bums downtown... Will we make the Pike Place Market foray? Will bill n bob be working Occidental or on another mushroom bender on Bainbridge, and will the random wellfare vagrant incur my wrath? Stay tuned if you would like to know more... were currently waiting for a southbound coach by the Ballard Bridge, the smell of rancid whiskey piss is thicj in the air as it is obvious several bums have been using this shelter as their shitter. Nasty Bastards!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday Afternoon commute, Northbound bus 358

And with Habib, Achmed, Darshan, Akim, Akbar, Mohammed and Machmoud all onboard.. the casual rider has to wonder if there's a turban sale going on somewhere in north city. Well just hope these guys don't breakout the cardbord, kneel down towards mecca and start yapping! God I wish I had a dogg or a sausage biscut to pitch there way... And as this is a earlier than normal ride home.. we have a heavy contigent of todays students n youth onboard, and what a motley bunch they are, these kids are definatly packing sub 60 IQ's and pathetic fat rolls of the type that non-activity breeds.

Southbound, bus 358

The extra obese trailer park element has flopped down in back, this tub of lard is yapping away on her prepaid phone about the free fathers day score she got yesterday, all I know.. its gonna be along ride with this bus overworking by towing this extra gross ton of whale's lard.. one can only hope the engine doesn't blow a gasket with the extra stress.

Nick Nolte's mug shots look a like has boarded the 358

With wiry n frazelled hair, a trench coat and a habit of talking to the driver, Nick Nolte is onboard for the ride, and this guy is going for the Down n Out in Beverly Hills look all the way, I sense he will break out a can of cat food and start chowing down at any moment...

And another glorious week is here

With BUM CON 3 in effect, this mornings commute can be expected to be rancid but somewhat less than totally nasty, as most wellfare bums shot out the last of their monthly pay over the weekend. Instances of aggresive panhandling are expected to be on the rise, but with rain showers and unseasonably cool temperatures forcast, the majority of the lazy n unwilling are predicted to be hunkered down in local libraries.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Bus 358, Southbound, June 16th 2010

With the heat cranked all the way up on this motherfucker, daily 358 reports resume... And a standard issue street bum was pissin n moanin about the cop that hauled his ass off a bus for sleeping yesterday, well Ihave never seen a sign advertising mobile hotel so that's just to bad. And two methadone street bums just boarded and they are getting worked up into a lather about a bail bondsman or some sort of shit. With the heat turned up to 80 and rain, its starting to feel like a stinky tropical rain forest.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

An experts report on downtown Chicago destitution n vagrancy

And after four days staying in downtown Chicago, using public transit and taking cabs... I feel that I have a good handle on the state of the bumnation in obama's backyard. No. Beware the 7-11 Vagrant ( particulary more aggresive than the west coast variety, these deviants want your change from your purchase and will attempt to make you feel guilty with whining about being hungry) several minutes ago I gave one of these lazy motherfuckers my patented "NEGATiVE" only to hear... well you have a nice night to sir, with that I let him have it "I am having a nice night and no lazy, wellfare destitute is going to ruin it for me, so just keep on shaking your big gulp cup and be thankfull that people like me travel to this city and spend our 'hard EARNED MONEY that subsidizes your social benefits, and you have a nice evening to sir! Which brings me to point No. 2 most of the bums I have seen here are of the non-aggresive type, but after the sun sets the career vagrant tends to rear his ugly face, as I've been accosted directly after getting out of a cab and after coming out of a fine Italian Joint when I was dressed in more dapperness. At first this was amusing, but once the pattern was established, my patience became tested. Point No.3 is about the bums outside Wrigley Field... I didn't see any, I guess they got that shit under control. And furthermore, with being pissed off no less than three times by aggresive destitutes and one street performer, so I plan on turning up the heat on my home-town bum this summer.... Regular 358 busblog reports wll resume Wednesday morning, I remind all riders to keep your heads down as this is going to be a big one!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

the crack whores have arrived

We got some real big city crack ho's onboard yapping n screaming at their ho-phones, good to know some things don't change around the country

Live from the Blue Line, Chicago Illinois USA

With an official pimp in our car we are enroute from the airport to downtown, this pimp is decked out in a orange furry suit with pimp hat, he seems harmless enough as he's got one of his ho's watching youtube on his phone. The weather is sunny and 78degrees, I thought you soggy folk back in seattle would be interested in that, its nice out here and I haven't even seen any wellfare bums yet... but I'm sure the'll rear their toothless faces soon enough

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday afternoon Albino report

We got a bushy haired stoned albino onboard bus 44 at the moment, the pink eyed one is rolling a blunt in the seat behind at the moment. Well what can I say... If I looked as goofy as this fucker I'd be smoking a lot of reefer to!

And a Special Announcement from management

Tommorrow morning we will be blogging live from Chicago, from O'Hare international to the Miracle Mile, no bum, transient or destitute will be left unscathed from the horror.

Tweeking Methadoners

With tweeking methadoners slamming every window shut as they grind away ther teeth, the morning commute took a turn for the worse as this tropical blast furnace is putting me to sleep...

Wednesday Morning city Sludge report

As another uninspired week nears its end, I bring this report courtesy of Keystone Light and Preparation-H, must have remedies for the daily commuter. With a babbling bus driver and homely chick holding up the show on my community transit bus, making the 358 in a timely manner is in question... And after yelling for the Back Door to this driver, he responds in a voice that was somewhat similiar to Loyds from ent, ourage" I haven't gotten to that yet", I'm like, take the dildo out of your mouth bud and do your job. So I make the 358 and this motherfucker gots the heat jacked up, I got naucious bus ehaust fumes blowing up in my face, OK, 85 degrees with a pig vomit humidity index is just how I imagine everyone likes to start the day.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

358 southbound, morning derelict edition

And at the shoreline Fred Meyers, the hotdogg monger boards, today he's tryin to bum change for fare and so forth, hey pal! You just paid your fare!, and further down the line, a dagoed out group of methadoners board, but they seem to be content in traumatizing the good people in the front of the bus.

Horora Village Transit Center

With a calvalcade of erect panhandlers on the job, we wait for bus 358... No Change For You Pal, Get a job, Negative are just some of the responses these derelicts can look forward to receiving when approaching me this morning. And.... we have our first customer, a 15 year old kid who comes up and says "You got a cigarette" me "Negative" he gets a stupid look on his face and asks "You got papers" me "Keep on stepping bud" he wanders off shaking his head like I'm the asshole. What a fucking idiot, and that's right! I am the asshole! Who don't smoke and is not giving out an handouts!

The Running Late Morning Edition

Due to no fault of my own, were heading in late thanks to trusty community transit, who's slogan should be-When our drivers take vacation or call in sick, you should too... So as I ride with todays intelligence challenged youth who are enroute to Scriber Lake to receive no eduacation whatso-ever (that school is more like a tax funded daycare center for teenagers), I contemplate the upcoming 358 ride, as every derelict and red nose Jim and there cousins are awake at this hour.

Monday, June 7, 2010

SHITTY Bus 358

As I boarded via the back door and the 'shitter' boarded n slopped himself down in front, we have a mass movement of disgusted riders moving towards the rear of the bus. Its becoming a restless crowd in front as people are lunging to open windows and others pray as the rank of a thousand processed 7-11 doggs spreads throughout the coach. Fortunatly for this rider, I only have a short trip today due to previous plans, so I will most likely miss the continual trauma that the good citizens are experiencing in front.


We have a confirmed VAgRANT PUBLIC SHITTER, pants on the ground bum, with no shame, just dropped his drawers and squatted down behind the bus shelter, don't he know his brothers and sisters use the green area downhill from his impromtu loo as a camp and shade area. The deviance of this all is quite hilarious or apalling, depending on your perspective. But a worrisome thing is, this bum shitter looks is as he's planning on jumping onboard bus 358 when it pulls in, this shitter gots no paper as he's foraging through washed out soda-pop cups n general refuse in what looks to be a vain attempt at finding something to wipe his ass with, ohh no.. here comes the bus!

waiting for bus 358

And we got a skeezer chick hanging her ass out in the street as she picks up a smoldering cigarette butt, now she's over tryin to hang with the punk rock youth from earlier, this band of future and current bums will only add to the predicted heavy load of deviants onboard this evenings coaches.....

Monday afternoon commute with the bain of Seattle

Stuck sitting in back of bus 44 with a group of retarded punk rock youth.. the content of their dialogue revolves around drugs and where their going to score some booze, and there going to a barbecue apparently as I eavesdrop in on one of there phone conversations, well atleast he just said "cause chicks are annoying, I'm down to hang out with the boys" that's good, the last thing we need is this crew breeding and making more retarded wellfare babies.

JUNE 7th 2010, afternoon commute forcast...

With highs near 70 and a humidity index of schweaty balls, your afternoon commute will be punctuated with the stank of whale oil and refried bum beard, all coaches will be musty and feel like the inside of a vagrants sauna.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

What looked to be a promising ride...

Turned out to be dead as all the fuck-ups are off the bus. Tommorrow is a driving day for me, so have a great weekend, and I will try and get the Almanac done for this summer

Northbound,6-3-10, bus 358, evening commute

After just being accosted by the vagrants camping out in the green area behind the 358 stop on N 45th St, I was rather surprised to board an un-jacked coach, but.. as we travel north-the ugly face of drunken destituted squalor could rear its presence at anytime, and with that thought... this toothless drunk bag in back starts skawking like a wounde seagull, and believe me.. her dialect is only decipherable to the birds...

and....... continuing on...

And after hearing that Ho repeat how "she don't smoke that shit" a thousand times the ride is over, well pick this up on the weway home this evening...

here we go again, we got another loud tramp onboard...

So this Crack Whore gets on and sits down a few rows back of me and the wench is just chattering away about who knows what. Another fucked up ride with the Crazies, Fuck....

And we got our first bum...

So at the transit center, this scurvy bastard who kinda looks like a miner 49, is accosting the masses with questions "do you know how to get transfered out of here" I promptly tell him Metro gots a customer service kiosk inside of that Home Depot over there, and he heads that way. When in doubt... all roads lead to the home depot is my policy! Hopefully he'll apply for a job or something... And we are proceeding southbound approaching the Methadone Center for the useless, and nothing worth noting this morning...

Thursday morning 6-3-10 , derelict report

With the BUMCON-3 status, the possibility of a zombied derelict accosting you for change today is real and expected, as local derelicts will have burnt up their wellfare funds on things such as 18 hours in the local dive bar capped off with a two night emporers package at the $50 dollar crack motel + a 40 lbs bag of alpo for their mangy mutt, just about covers a monthly wellfare check... So commuter vigilance should remain high, the suns out so most street trash will be looking to work the tin cup over today. Ride SAFE Seattle

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

And I just had to get the last word...

As I got up I turned around, glared at them and said "Why don't you stick somethin in your blowhole and save yourself from explaing to use that your the dumbest person on the planet, you you you fucking tramp" I let her have right to her face, before she could form the word fuck the old dood starts to say somethin and I let him have it too " what r you gonna do bitch, the only real question here is if your dumber than her daddy" as I exit, I'm greeted with numerous looks of approval from my fellow working commuters, then the stupid tramp starts cursing at me from inside the window as I walk past, I just laugh along with everyone else.. well I'm almost home, good night all...

Ohh this is starting to get tedious

This Tramp needs to take the dill-doe out of her mouth and just suck on the old guys wang already, anything to shut this retarded skank up please... Now were hearing about her boyfriend and their sex life, and she's looking over the seat and trying to see what I'm typing I scence, read it bitch and shut THE FUCK UP, SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE CASTRATED HER DAD BEFORE HEE COULD SPREAD HIS ILLITERATE BAD SEEDS! Fuck allmighty, YAP YAP YAP YAP, if I had a bat I might be tempted to use it, now the tramp is trying to start a fight with this chick wko is glaring at her, fucking Lynnwood is coming out of the woodwork today, Lord Thank God were here, fuck this bitch and the old dude egging her on

And at the K-Mart...

Dyed hair Kareoke Suzuki?s have boarded the bus and get this their playing an old scool 'simon says' and that's about it... except for this loudmouth, she of low intelligence who's chirping away about her painkiller habits with some old dude who's. Trying to get a piece... and he goes on and on trying to impress her with his knowledge of drugs, yap yap yap, Its like a flock of crows now as the japs have piped up in their tongue.. "Fuck Me"... sounds like a retarded energizer bunny is going off on this bus.

at the taco bell AA Center

The derelicts drunk Indians disembark to get their chits stamped for the judge. And up in the Oak Tree Village District I see several fledgling ho's trying to break in to the territory, Its like a Sub, a Movie and a BJ serve all these days. And.... at the home depot, we have a lone worker toughing it out for the last few hours of daylight, but in front of the Old Lazy Fish an army of bums has congregated, taco day was yesterday boys...

furthermore as we pass greenlake

We got this fat teenybopper mowing down on a family size bag of oreo cookies, and no crumb is being left behind.

Pants on the ground

I'm in back of bus 358 with a gang of Ethiopian Kids who all got their pants on the ground, fuckin savages are looking at me like I don't belong in back... Well these skinnies can kiss my ass...

Wednesday evening Hippy Trash Edition

With the long hairs and beads swinging, we begin what is sure to be another ardeous commute-considering the humid conditions today. One can expect the smell of ass to be eminating from all Metro coaches this evening...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

WOW, a random observation

While waiting here for my connecting bus, a couple of women get off bus 301 from downtown express and the heftier of the two had... a set of pork-chop sideburns that would make Elvis nervous, please tell me this is not a new style but just a random hygiene oversite...

and up in the Shoreline traffic sphincter

I've been trying to get real time picture uploads going as this pierced up gingerbread boy and his herford girlfriend in the seat in front were worthy examples of the freaks that frequent this route, We are working dilligently on getting real time photo uploads in the future, think I got my memory to jammed up on the phone, but on to other things, offcourse the bags on the scooters need to get off in the middle of the construction in Shoreline.. so there goes another ten minutes of travel time and the corn-dogg boy is bording at the Fred Meyer stop, today he's eating what looks to be... Freddies Deli Beefaroni and yes... he is starting to beg for change, "Sorry Pal, should have got a dogg instead and saved the rest for the bus" I tell him as his jaw drops in dis-belief that someone would talk at him like that, so I give him a sneer just begging for him to continue, he don't, just mumbles a bunch of fuck shit under his breath... and here we are, end of the ride at my happy hour stop before the transit center, couple quick drinks and off to home for me, Good Night all and please Stay Classy Seattle!

Passing through 105th N

I have a report on Snow Suit Steves territory, it seems Pookie has taken over on Steves corner as he's out there manning a mangy cardbord sign targeting the westbound traffic, this blog is going to have to do some investigating as to the whereabouts of our trusty contributor SnowSuit Steve, Its a good sight seeing all the flags up as we pass Washelli Cemetary, not that most of the scourge and youth on this bus would have a clue as to why the flags r up.

358 northbound, 6-1-2010

What a stroke of luck, we get a coach loaded with to scooters, one of the bags gots a boxed TV strapped to the basket, this is going to be interesting when its time for her to disembark, the air quality is that of a rotting refried skunk as the humidity is currently in the mid 90's and the soul-glo is migrating to the seat backs. WELCOME TO A NEW MONTH fellow working commuters, I like to think the beginning of June is when the daily commute is just about to go over into the Abyss, generally the average commuter who has a vehicle is nearing the point of saying "To Hell with this!" about this time of the year, the first heatwave of the year (with the associated shingle stricken bum riders and an ever increaing putrid odor to Seattle Metro Buses), will be enough to force the taxpaying commuter back in their vehicle with the general consensus that higher expenditures on parking and gasoline are worth not having to sit in a tin can with the squalor and repeat losers of todays society for a couple hours everyday.

Wellfare Tuesday Evening Commute

With he greazy dry fart that is the wellfare check Monday destitute, the commute begins on bus 44, a atrophied young Jack Sparrow follower is onboard along with a gaggle of sing bums that could stand in for the Disney Bear trio if only they had banjos. And now Abdull is arguing fare up front, "just throw in some arabian gold boy". Well we can only hope we got a little wait at the 358 stop for some Annhuaser Busch Brand refreshments today, as its shaping up to be a longh ride...

passing Greenlake

With a disturbingly light contingent of destitutes traveling this morning, High Vigilance is recommended as the wasted drunkards are expected to appear at anytime, we'll continue this investigation this afternoon, Have a great day back at work Seattle!

And as the Gurney Boy rides the lift...

We got a couple of tramps chomping down on the breakfast of whores-doritos n sausage sticks, good to know they take their conditioning n diet seriously, with the Gurney Boy safely strapped in up front we continue south passing through 85th

Home Depot Report

With no workers stationed out front, one would suspect that I.N.S. is in the neighborhood this morning...

And at the 145th st Tobacco Street....

The first large contigent of the unwilling board this coach, with cardboard signs in hand, this group is on its way downtown to begin the summer panhandling season in earnest...

Morning Methadone Clinic Report

With local tweakers having had three days of daily doses given to them on Saturday due to the Monday holiday, a mass of crazed addicts is predicted to be grinding the gums outside the shoreline clinic this morning... standbye.. almost there... almost there.. and we got one fat bastard leaning in on the clinics door, looks like the mathadoners must be on a standard wellfare check induced blow-outs, yet I'm sure they'll be rearing their nasty toothless smiles before long..


With monthly WELLFARE disperal occuring at 12:01am today the BumCon level has been increased to BUMCON-3 (numerous acts of strife and deviance expected), although it is apparent that most destitutes are still securely held up in their dollar hotels at this hour, increased sightings of daylight zombies and toothless panhadlership is to be expected throughout the week. A predicted rise in local ambient temperatures will only add to the street vagrants boldness. Vigilance is recommended as the bus-shitter index is at orange alert.

Tuesday, June 1s 2010

With my early bus still showing up after threatened with being cut, we are on our way to work. A NOTE on the promised Summer Bus Riding Report n Expose, due to heavy fishing activity over the weekend the report has been delayed, fear not though, this must read will be available before the conolel's shit hits the fan. And ariving at the transit center...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Transit Center n Goodnight

Ohh... looks like the Hobbit post didn't post, ohh well, am sure we'll see them in the future. Anyways the regular group of panhadling losers is trying to drum up booze/crack money here tonight, they pretty much steer clear of me these days, as I do try to present an aura of danger when traveling through the scum of societies crib. And this pretty much brings this weeks commute to a close as I'm scheduled to drive tommorrow and Friday, but don't stay far away over the Holiday Weekend as I plan on presenting an expose on expected commute conditions for the summer of 2010, a sorta handbook for the summertime bus rider in the greater Seattle region. I will be referencing the Baldwin Poolio Bus Ride Almanac for critical information and supporting deviant episodes for 'The Situations to Avoid segment'. One thing is certain though, this will be the foremost AUTHORITOR on Traveling by Public Transit during the Summer of 2010. Good night all... and have a great weekend.

Here come the hobbits

A bundle of hobbits just boarded in shoreline, they hopped up on the seats in front and ohh my... are starting to sing. I've had a suspicion there is a colony of little people in north city somewhere, this is going to require further investigation, and we punched through the shoreline traffic sphincter in near record time and are arriving at bay 3, horora village transit center

And out in the Shoreline Region

The Lynnwood trailer trash has boarded, dude with a massive bag of Sears Popcorn is munching up a storm like a starving seagull donned in third hand gear from the city parks dumpster. A typical display of wellfare shamelessness occurs when he starts trying to sell a bus token for a quarter, next he'll be demanding money from me and fellow riders at the transit center, might have to show him the boots for a quick reminder on who's in charge here.

Damn! just missed a good pic...

OHH SHIT the GRACE JONES of Horora Ho's was at the stop in front of the K-Mart, she had the Mohawk cut-check! the black leather-check! and the just waiting to get pumped shorts-check! Damn, these Ho's are really going to the throwback look these days....

we got some action....

The dude who needs a green card is staring at me with beady cross eyes like he's fucked up or somethin, standbye, I'm gonna ask this clown a couple of questions... So He left the bus after I asked him "what's up, you got a problem or areyou just admiring my steel toed boots?" He mumbled somethin in what sounded like spanish... I put my phone to my ear, tapped on my boot, and mouthed I.N.S. at him, I think he got the drift... well he only got about a half mile walk to home depot...

BUS 358 northbound 5-26

Aha... I'm riding in style today as I scored a back corner seat for this run, typicaly I'll be standing by the back door all jacked up admist the destitution and the breething dead. Not today, first a quick peek at our passengers... we got a couple of what look to be SPU Nerd Boys playing world of warcraft on their phones, ohh lord! These pansies even got their phones system linked by a cord, serious, on further observation I notice their thighs are uncomfortably close together,(this is when I pause to appeal to the female population to nominate a couple of nerdy girls to please lay these boys). And off course we have another subject I'm sure the Border Patrol would like to interview, and finally... we got a dago-bastard sitting acrossed from me that gots a muff growing out his earhole. And with the unlaid nerd boys departure, I notice the toilet bowl haircut flume sported by this cruiser up front, it looks somewhat like... a toilet seat afro mullet on a white dude, this guy is definatly heading to Lynnwood

Waiting for the 358

Ill just power a couple of bud-lights here at the stop while I wait, I've found that blatant bus-stop beer consumtion enhances my cover and leads to numerous attempts by the USELESS begging for the last sip...