Damn! girl! get that shit under control!

This is a blog about my twice daily trip to and from work onboard Seattle Metro bus 358, the 358 is known as north Seattle's most nefarious bus run. When the coach leaves I will be blogging as fast as my thumbs can type... so hop onboard and enjoy a run. your comments and bus experiences will be appreciated and responded to.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010



And were rolling up to the transit center

The rain is falling and the shelters are overflowed with gremlins, once mogwai, but to much exposure has brought the worst out of them, time to head to the bar and sit this wait out, have a nice evening.


Withe the boarding of a couple of homely looking goon women, one has to wonder if 'Pat' has been making babies in north Seattle. Well its akk messed up today, wh y not bring on the ugliness! And we are rewarded with a fat, drunken, drooling, Indian getting aboard obviously just after have been given the heave-ho from goldies casino, dudes jeans are soaked and tattered from the mile or so he's been walking, and now he wants to talk. He's rambling on about trying to get downtown... driver points out he's headed to the horora transit center, this leads to a beligerant eruption on his part and his ejection at 175th n horora, good luck to that guy, he's all fucked up and staggering east towards I-5, he'll be in the drunk tank quick at this rate.

And passing through 105th...

I note that Steve is Iron Manning the Pro Golf Discount Corner decked out only in his SeaHawks Shmock, that-a-boy Steve! Your not going to get the type of donations that don't jingle decked out in a full rain-suit like the competition has on over on the other corner. I suspect we'll see temperatures in the low thirties before Steve dons his SnowSuit this fall...

In Todays Bus Health Index....

One can look for extreme humidity and numerous viruses drifting around inside your coach. Although the onset of the cold n flu season is still several weeks away, I will not discount the germs and scourge that is manifest in the average street degenerate, use all means of disenfection possible whenever riding on public transportation.

Tuesday Afternoon

With the arrival of fall weather conditions in the greater Seattle region, Bum Unrest and Anxiety is on the rise... As local transients jockey for prime tent city real-estate, others.. such as Cockled Crotch Sally appear from their summer roosting at local pea-patches, in search of... Dry Ground.

Tuesday Morning Methadone Edition

Well the meth zombies are at it again jabbering away about some mushroom trek they are cooking up for the holiday weekend and off course their asking for 'change' NEGATIVE as these dead-beats will be getting paid at 12:01 am tonight... Which means.... We will be going to BumCon -2 tommorrow as a midweek wellfare pay-day will lead to an outbreak of drunken riff-raff and bum flotsam starting tommorow. Ride Prepared People.

Monday, August 30, 2010

DAMN! Seahawks Steve Looks pretty chipper today

He's got short sleaves out and is working his sign with renewed vigor, our boy must have got paid today. Anyways he's working the passing cars hard, not letting any change slip by today, that much is sure...


And the rank is off dog-shit, or maybe its just the schweat coming off this fat kid in the seat in front. Most of the people onboard look as if they just stormed the beach. It certainly is not a coach one would wish to be stuck on long for. Well atleast the rough looking hippy element got off at green lake. We'll definatly be keeping a lookout for our main man at 105th. Now a pack of teenage stooges just boarded and their proceeding to jack-assasize themselves in back with bad rap and lame slang. And were making good time... passing the crack in the box at 85th N. Meaning a gaggle of derelicts and K-Mart shoppers have boarded, this one obviously mentally ill guy has rose pedalled parachute pants on and looks as if he's barely got a grasp on his last vestige of sanity... stay tuned... this cat could go bad at any moment...

Monday, 8/30/2010, afternoon commute

Once again another week of toiling onboard the bus is upon us. With a rampant outbreak of shitty bums, the ride begins on bus 44, and this driver could be strait off the street with the werewolf beard he's got going. Inh other news, the local Ballard capter of the "give me change coalition" bum-rushed 7-11 over the weekend, apparently several were hauled off to the drunk tank for passing out in the Jack in the Box bathroom, our trusty 7-11 counterman Habib was stuttering through a tirade of broken english/pakistani cursinhg this afternoon as he berated several wellfare bums who were trying to short changed him.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Bus 358... northbound...

And we got this guy onboard, decked out from the big, tall n wide emporium in seahawks gear and sandals, I don't know why the hawks would cut this fat bastard, he's the type of fall over lineman that would take 3 defenders down with him, but then again... his stench possibly could draw to many unsportsman like conduct penalties or his penchant for reaching in for a few more pork grinds could lead to a Unimpended to the Pocket Flag.... and as we proceed through Shoreline, I notice that there's a lot of women with moustaches out n about today, three on the bus and another couple coming out of the Drift on Inn Casino.


Well Steve got his sandwich and I got some info on a ongoing bum-down situation. As Jerome Biggums is working kitty-corner to steve at the moment. According to Steve... that asshole is moving in on his territory, as Steve had a fresh black-eye, I can only speculate that these two have been throwing down in a turf war for this prime pan-handling local. I shot some discreet video of the situation in an effort to document the plight of one of our most generous characters. But I'm concerned that in this economy.. there may not be enough change to go around...

Bus 75, friday afternoon commute

Well the hippy trash off Ballard has been left behind, but several other younger derelicts have boarded and are wasting air in the back. As I'm turning this afternoons trip into a photo shoot, on the good Kodak HD CAM, I've set up shop on the perfect side to get a little Steve footage as we pull in to his bumpost of 105 n horora ave N. Then I intend on pitching him an AMPM BBQ rib sandwich, afterall.. he is a big contributor to the show. But the goal is to figure out the blog page and post up some pics and maybe a video or two this weekend, to spice things up....

Blatant Bum Deviance in front of the Ballard Dollar Store

Apair of long haired hippy bum just walked up demanding a drink of my beverage, I told them to take a hike and pitched some pennies out in the street in hopes a passing bus might have a meeting with them. There still ranting and raving at me from the dollar stores vestible, but they are eyeballing the change... stay tuned


With the recent Steve absences from his post, I think its time to go check in with the poor bastard . So were gonna take bus 75 up to his bumpost and see what's going down...


The local resident Ballard Hobo's are showing sign's of entrepurenial spirit, as they have once again commandeered the available resources for lodging. THIS TIME IT IS SOMEBODIES CAST OFF LIVING ROOM BUFFET CABINET! This thing is like 8 feet long on legs, has two shelfs accessed by large bay doors, and I just witnessed a Bum hop out of it! Ha ha ha, they got themselves a bunk buffet under the bridge, now they just need to bolt some casters to the bottom and turn it into a mobile home. What will they do next....


With the coming of fall rains in the greater Seattle region, Bums Are on the Move, the shopping carts are loaded and a general migration towards bridge underpasses and viaducts is at hand, overcrowding is to be expected in these bastions of bum soceity. And expect sewer n storm drain back-ups region wide as this summers transient cardbord housing disitigrates and turns to cement below the city, also leading to a outbreak of displaced rats throughout the region.

Snowsuit Steve is now changing call-signs to SeaHawks Steve

With the donning of his Fall Football battle-coat (the old-school Chuck Knox era sideline Hawk Ski Parka), Steve has officially shifted into 105th Gridiron mode, as the Seahawks battle the competition, Steve will be manning his corner in front of the Pro Golf discount shop, braving the continual mud-puddle splaqsh to the face and the epitaths of numerous carloads of teen-agers having a laugh at his expense. The drive to get this diehard Hawk Fan some tickets starts now!

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Well things are looking up, Steve must have shipped out that gangster motherfucker who had ran him off. And Steve has donned his old-school Hawk Gear, one of his sly ploys to increase sympathizers and donors....

Rolling past Taco Bell I notice

I notice a gaggle of homeless helping one of their own who is down in the bushes face first. "What the fuck is going on today" is all I want to know. Its like Retard Rush Week on the streets of Seattle. Not my problem, think all just delve into the current fantasy football update and hope this Acquired Bum Defiency Syndrome is not contagious.

And Now a couple of Fruit Loops are....

These two bossum buddies are discussing the fine art of sucking small penis, OK, just about the time they start doing a demo, I elect to move back up front and brave the Gurney Boy's plight, poor bastard is strapped belly down on this 4 wheeled gurney board, its has a standard wheelchair powerpack, a joystick control and a toggle for mouth manipulative commands, with several gallons of urine sacks lashed to the sides. We can only hope the fruit of the loom squad in back fdont eyeball this kids mouth manipulator, it could be enough to get them hot and bothered and the poor gurney boy molested while strapped to his saddle. And if this all isn't pathetic enough, Jerome the drunk bastard of greenlake, loses his pants as he stumbles onboard. What a loser, dudes got Sesame Street bikini underwear on, "Please Proceed to the Rear of the Bus Pal" and he's got his porno belt strapped up and on his way back to hang out with the fag gang.


And with that headline.... you suspected... and you got it! THE GURNEY BOY is cramming up the front of this bus and it appears he has disengaged his cathater as the stench of spam and urine is ripe with this one. Well I'll just proceed to the back of the coach and hope to escape any further raptures the poor kid may share with the riders up front. And now here's the original-idiot, dude in back gots his shirt off and is telling these nasty looking chicks "Check out my Situation" and everybody starts crying in tears at this morons commentary, dudes like a skinny little runt and he's running this bogus Jersey Shore Game like a retarded pimp, Some Leave Lynnwood, But the Lynnwood never leaves them...

Thursday Night Commute

With Bum disobediance on the rise I stand here in Ballard watching these two NW Indians waste away in the SE bus shelter on the intersection of 15th n Market St, the grizzled and weathered faces on these two tells the story.. 1st week of the month spent in the SmokeShop Tavern telling stories how they to will be getting their Casino Check too, then sleeping it off in the alley to finally end up manning bus shelters until the 1st when the wellfare is deposited on their debit cards, and the cycle continues until the inevitable ambulance ride to harborview for a stomach pump and a bum-makeover in the showers. And the Grateful Fdead fan club has boarded bus 44, the burnt out state of these two is impressive considering the dude has only one leg and is using a pool cue as a cane... On to the 358 where the stench is robust and the floor is sticky with last nights urine.

Tony Orlando and his Spawn

With the BUM-ROIC signage that explains the plight of his childrens mothers plight... and hailing in from the prime pan-handling grounds of Orlando, Florida. The sign says it all... "Please give me money so my kids can eat... their Mom is at harborview on dialysis awaiting hip replacement" this display of homeschooling the kids on the curb will be coming to a NFL game near you soon. The shamelessness of putting your children on display next to the pan is irrefutably low, but this is the type of destitute you will come across in the fall as you make your way to a football game. "Someone Please Impound This Dudes Combi Wagon Please"


Although City Officials will refute the fact that pan-handling is on the rise, the average tax-paying citizen knows the truth. From Grocery Store to Liquor Store- No one is ammune to this outbreak of transient greed. Just yesterday I witnessed blatant begging outside the door to the Crown Hill Plasma Center. This in my opinion is an outrage... bums bumming from bums, the plasma center is known as the last bastion of greenbacks for the healthy destitute and stray youth who's out of cracker jack monies. And shopping cart theft is on the rise once again, local recycling yards have been put on notice, so thank the shingled out guy on the corner the next time you can't find an empty cart at the store. Just be thankfull Mustang Sully isn't using it for an orgy pit....

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Due to the fact that the increased alcohol tax legislated by the state of Washington has decreased weekly revenue, The State has been forced to increase the alcohol tax by 1% and decrease wellfare benefits by POINT THREE THREE (.33%) PERCENT.
This Blogger just found out about this inflammatory move.. more than possibly directed towards harnessing in the endless funds the State Pays towards supporting the unwilling or just the fucked up in the head people you see at the bus stop every day.
With this move a general state of BUM UNEASINESS is guaranteed, with the lack of funds for alcohol, The Standard Street Bumb will behave more as a zombie than a begging human, only seen under darkness, it will be tattering a dumpster near you.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Use alternate transportation this afternoon at all costs or just go to the bar. The presidential motorcade will be clogging and gumming up all bus routes today and the bums will be restless and insisting on more money from the governmant-courtesy of your tax dollars of course. So.... I'm declaring this... STIFF THE BUMS MONTH, take your change to coinstar before you consider donating to the average street douche....

Monday, August 16, 2010


With the critical move to the second 358, I scored an un-eventful trip, we passed 3 other fucked up 358's along the way, sucks to be them, well I'm almost home, have a nice evening, I'm driving in tommorow so blogging will resume Wednesday...

Looks like SnowSuit gots problems

At 105th n Horora I see a pipe hittin gangster workin a sign and no sign of SnowSuit Steve, this isn't good... that's fucked up if this gangster ran him out, well keep an eye on this situation....


Not wanting to be a sucker, I passed on that 1st 358 a moment ago and am safely onboard the almost empty trailer 358, the 1st one had atleast 200 poor bastards onboard, it was like that scene from War of the Worlds (lame movie) when the burning train goes cruising by. Never get on the burning bus, for me.. this time it was th 3 hefty enchilada packing home depot workers who were waiting to get on, if one of those guys passes gas on that 1st bus.... there will be fatalities. So I'm secure with knowing we'll be passing that express ride to hell shortly, and I will be on schedule to get home and get ready for some evening sport-fishing. The action on this bus is zero.. so we will be looking for Snowsuit and the usual suspects along the way today.


We await bus 358, wondering what the wrath of the transit gods will be today? Will the unsuspecting be traumatized with an outbreak of vagrant deviance? Or will they transit gods be kind and produce an un-jacked 358? But with an extreme increase to the Deviance Index this last week, one should brace themselves for the worst! I myself when the likelyhood of Bum retardation and emulsions is high, I just chug a couple cold drinks before the ride and roll with it....

Shoeless in Ballard

Some twenty somethin dude just went cruisin by barefoot, he noticed a empty pack of smokes on the pavement, picked it up with his toes, and thoroughly gave it the search. Well he was coming from the general Fremont direction. Hippy

Monday Evening Commute Outlook

With the Mercury Seering into the mid 90's once again, all coaches can be expected to be preheated to 125 before boarding. Ride today at your own risk, for your commute can be expected to feel like a ride in a George Foreman Grill, and the smell will be somewhat like the aroma of rotten roastinhg hog entrails. Just pray the overly obese K-Mart shoppers have taken the day off. As for me... I'm turning every stop along my way into a bar, so I have a brief respite from the horror...

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Somethin overheard at the pub, moments ago

So this mexican dude, probally around 42 years old, is talkin to this older gentleman, and he starts asking the old dude about his balls... So In the spirit of this blog I tune in and go to BUMCON-1, and the first dude starts talkin about how he's having a problem with sitting down on his balls more n more as he grows older. So the older gentleman chimes in with "Ohh Ya, you'll be able to use those things for seat cushions pretty soon as they stretch out like pan-cakes" eventually the converstion degenerates further in to talk about how the mexican dude is worried about them getting caught as he climbs over the fence. Well... I had to go, so checked out and am gonna make sure to exercise the nuts as much as possible...

Friday, August 13, 2010


With temperatures approaching the 90's Ballard local chapter of Bumtology has lost all remnants of shame... They got the beach blankets out on the cement and a healthy collection of brown bag beverages is being passed around from mouth bung to mouth bung... But their most industrious move of the day is the abandoned subaru wagon they have commandeered and turned into a combi wagon. The scent of reefer is thick! Well I'm happy my tax dollar helps keep these stray's high, wouldn't want them to stray to far from the local DSHS office and miss out on payday now' And they have even acquired a ping pong table, its like a regular country club with a Subaru orgy pit as an added bonus, OH, AND ONE OF THEM, A REAL FAT BASTARD, JUST SQUATTED NEXT TO THE SUBARU.... TALK ABOUT SHITTING IN YOUR OWN ROOST! The dogg days of summer are definatly here.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Transit Center Report

Well it appears Trash Can is taking his swamp-ass north to Everett as he's boarding the 101, wait... driver kicked him off and he's walkin over my way. "Hey Man, what happened?" I ask. "Man....Driver said my transfer doesn't work on his bus man" he responds, I let him know you got to have the card up here and even before he can finishestryin to bum 5 bucks from me I cut him off with "No, you got enough for a jug of booze and you want 5 bucks, go ask out in front of Home Depot, the manager there will give you 2 bucks just to get rid of you, its company policy" and I explain how I know him and he'll hook you up if your persistent... Trash Can is like... "Thanks Dude!" And he wanders off over that way. Just another example of The Rules of Panhandler Negotiations. Rule No. 44 When confronted by the friendly Bum who thinks your cool because you spoke to him about something, Always dump him on the nearest business, personally I prefer sending them to the Home Depot as they have a hot dog stand with ample garbage cans ripe for rummaging, and another nice touch to this ploy is to reccomend that they hop on their application computer, usually telling them crt alt del o shift unlocks the internet sells this deal, its great comedy if you follow the stinky subject in and observe the slow and hilarious response the guy gets from the staff, as they are shifted in to anti shop lifting tactics. But today I'll just proceed home and save the show for some other time, think I'll go down to the pier and try n catch a King tonight.

And.... Theres Always Has To be Somebody.....

Well one of the swiftest and most pleasant 88degree 358 runs in memory is abruptly halted at 165th, (but were not in the business of looking forward to a peacefull ride are we)when this skinny drunkard decked out in an army flight suit and galoshes stumbles onboard. He flops down in the seat in front of me, Lord! He's got critters crawling around in his dreadlocks, wait, he's pulling the bottle out of his gunny-sack, yep.. he's got the two dogs rolling! Canadian Hunter Whiskey that is. I so Knight thee-TRASH CAN THOMPSON, well that's what his name tag said anyways, the stench of the mid summer dumpster is strong with this one.... Now he's pulling out the Arby's Bag, I better move before this dude starts to shit himself, Arby's has a reputation for blowouts and is well known to have been a conspirator on some of Seattle's heaviest Bum Shits, Well were almost to the transfer center, and we'll see where Trash Can is headed, most definatly not down to Edmonds, as local authorities have a reputation for keeping this sort of riff-raff far away or atleast out of the lower bowl.


Steve is sitting in the bushes in front of the Pro Golf Discount with his hands to the sides of his head in a dejected posture, Could the Heat be getting to him? Or is the recession really hitting him that hard in the pocket? One thing is certain, as he is a friend and frequent contributor to the show... I appeal to all, have a heart and PITCH SNOWSUIT A DOGG tommorrow, make him feel that his fans care....


With predicted temperatures in the mid 80's to low 90's for the greater western Washington region, a second wave of bum celebration is predicted, the unreported on this blog 'puddle of piss' on yesterdays 358 run may prove to have been a bad omen for this weekend. Numerous instances of public Bum Lounging can be expected in all Green Areas of the City and in extreme instances.. your front yard. As the average Seattle Destitute has already spent your monthly wellfare donation to his cause, Bum Belligerance can be expected to be on the rise, NOW IS THE TIME TO BREAK OUT YOUR CANADIAN CHANGE AND STICK IT TO THE AVERAGE PANHANDLER, another noteworthy way to turn the table on these wet-nose nuisances is to donate the last $1.67 on your holiday or birthday gift cards to their cause, they'll get the picture when they try n buy a Barnes n Noble Cookie with it and don't want to part with the extra 27cents to complete the purchase....Well just hop'ed aboard the 'UnJacked' 358, what a surprise, and there's only a lite scent of urine today.

Lunch Hour Report from Ballard industrial

So over at the local 7-11, BullShit Blaine attempts to bum 'change' from me with a greeting and the "Help a brother out" line. I'm like " Do I know you? you ain't my brother and you sure don't look like no brother either" he starts whining and I ignore his sorry ass until he wanders off to afflict the dude who's pulling in to fuel up his ski boat. But... I do know who that piece of shit is, back when Ballard Denny's was in operation, BS Blaine was a daily miscreant who would slip in the side door of the lounge always trying to sell the rag-weed farmed on his mom's ass, he currently lives under the North Side of the Ballard Bridge with the rest of the worthless troll trash, as I have seen him there frequently over the last 4 months, he's the type of perfectly able bum who is in need of a full blown ass whiping!

Thursday Morning, The Bum Orgy Bus....

We have a sighting of the Mobile Bum Sex Orgy Bus, Its the hub-less former tour bus that has a smoke stack coming out its roof, word has it this bus doubles as a bum porn-studio along with the standard uses such as Bum Voter Registration Center, Mobile Booze Wagon, and Parking Lot BBQ center. If in the vicinity of this Bus, use caution, as its driver is always inebriated...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Bus 358.. Northbound, 8 11 10

Another run begins, with the stench of burnt tire eminating from the back off the bus, or is it the foul odor of the breeding water buffalo. Ohh it must be the rank from the chaffed out n passed out street wino in back...


Upon learning that Snowsuit was a hardcore Punk-Rocker in the 1980's (an addiction to slam-dancing has had a lot to do with his demise and current state of affairs), local Arachno-Rock Band 'SpiderFace' is spearheading a movement to assist Steve as SpiderFace feels supporting the street derelict is not just a hobby but rather a civic responsibility. Thus the 1st CONCERT TO SEX UP SNOWSUIT is being organized. All proceeds will be used for a train ticket and prostitute fees in the city of Vancouver B.C. So have a heart people and show Steve some compassion this weekend by purchasing him a AMPM BBQ RIB sandwich, he's gonna need his energy.


So have some compassion and posse up, head to the nearest AMPM or 7-11, load up with the 2 for $2 menu and bring a smile to a bum's weathered face by pitching them the cornerstone of their diet, a jalepeno dobb slathered with chilli n cheese or the big bbq pork combo sandwich, thus making Sunday NATIONAL BUMSHITS DAY.


With fans and vagrants off the show contributing from all reaches of the nation.. I bring you this report from Belmont Shores. CA, courtesy of M. Savino, Bar Manager at The Belmont Station. Apparently last night a Nick Nolte playing Down n Out in Beverly Hills Bum came in to the Station and asked the patrons awaiting drinks " can anyone chip in some change so I can get a cold beer". On hearing this report I immediatly recommend that a pint glass with a note 'change for bums beer' be put on the bar, and once $2:50 was put in, the beer be spilled in with the change... Am still awaiting the follow up report on this issue...


Just chiming during the wee hours of the mornining when the average street bum is soiling him or herself under the shopping cart you may be using tommorrow, I myself am sacrificing tommorrows work perfomance, in hopes I can find and upload to my facebook.. so I feel cool like the bus shitter feels cool when he ruins a hundred peoples day. DID YOU TAKE YOUR LYSOL SHOWER?... I KNOW I DID, I GOT A POSITIVE FETISH, I'VE HAD IT FOR ALONG TIME... Its... NOTHING OF MY BODY OR CLOTHING WILL TOUCH THE PLACE I LIVE IN AT ALL, so this means I'm always stripping down and washing as soon as I get home, no just flopping down on the couch for this guy, as I like to feel secure later in the evening that I have killed all the taintedness that a ride on the 358 creates.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

and... we have an indian kid looking for some cocaine

Well, waiting here above the Costco for my last bus at Horora Village, the random Indian Kid (I could tell by his village accent) strikes up conversation and asks me if I know where he can score some coke? Well as the White has sinced past me by, all I could really tell him was to go check out every Jack n the Box along highway 99 and ask the Ho's, the'll probaly know for a fee. Probally not from Forks as he could just wherewolf out and go jack some pimp for his stash if that was the case, but I will say, this kid did have that sort of look. Well almost home.. have a nice night and remember the BHE warning, Lysol Showers People, Lysol Showers...

The Shoreline Ghetto Boys Have Left the Bus

As the trailer park princes get off the bus and run like idiots into oncoming traffic just to go into Jack in the Box, the rest of us breath a sigh of relief and gather ourselves from the free comedy show, and what made it worse.. was that they picked up a couple of tubs that were really into them, someone please have these people fixed or we are well on the path detailed in Idiocracy, if further retard breeding is allowed in trailer parks and trash dumps....

Entering Shoreline

Well its always good to see Snowsuit Steve Manning his intersection, he's on a good two week streak now, so whatever was ailing him must have clered up. And now this Cleveland Browns dude is tryin to beat-box with some shoreline gangster wanna-be's, its like a ring of white trash jamming to lil bow wow, what the fuck is wrong with these retards? And now this black dude sitting across from me catches up to tthis display and starts smilin, I can't resist.. and say over to him "So this is the bus trip when the rhythm died ehh" he breaks down almost in tears, me too... somebody please turn off the music!

and the Shell Shocked have boarded...

Allright, this dude who just got looks as if the Bum-Rave Party just ended, he's all wide eyed, sporting a Cleveland Browns Jersey, decked out with a Red Budweiser Hat and off course.. Jean Shorts! He's one eyeing all the advertising on the Bus as if its critical information or the schedule, and he takes a seat next to some fat K-Mart Gold Club Members. Ahh shit.. the mullahs got their cell phones out. Everybody Duck! Ohh, false alarm. Sounds as if their just making plans for Lamb Skewers or some sort of shit that gets aeasoned with camel dung...


How sweet, we have a arab family at the stop who have their young Dirkistanian children with them, bus pulls in and I immidietly step up, cut them off and board the bus to the chagrin of several destitute gas-bags, onboard they are glaring at me so I give em a quick chuckle and a sneer. This Is The USA afterall and I don't plan on letting a clan of dirka dirka dirka speakers take the lead any day until they have the common courtesy of using my language when out in public in my country. Let's fry some bacon.. or maybe some of the fat high-water wearing bull dykes ass would provide enough grease to make these mullahs nervous.

Just a few minutes ago at the Ballard Industrial 7-11

The sisters were workin over the line hard for 50cents, stick to the ho-in girls, get your blow job pumps on and get up to Horora if you wanna get paid like a real prostitute, Habib, our trusty 7-11 clerk eventually shooed the ho's away to a tirade of their bitchin and screaming, sounded somewhat like a infuriated group of chimpanzees fighting over food. Ahh well... back to the commute, arriving at the 358 stop, that sometimes doubles as a street bum orgy-pit.

Bus Fumagation Plan put in effect.

In an attempt to reassure the general public that community buses are safe to ride on and not festering cess-pools of disease and squalor, Local Transit Authorities have notified the public that frequent fumagation is performed on all coaches, trains and vans. This all to dispell growing concern over the general air quality aboard tax subsidized transportation.


With reports of an outbreak of widespread butthole encyphilitis rampaging through the cities homeless street vagrants. ALL TAXPAYING COMMUTERS ARE ONCE AGAIN URGED TO AVOID PUBLIC TRANSIT FOR A PERIOD OF TWO WEEKS! Scurvy Scott and Douche Bag Debbie are two of the known carriers of this scourge, as their daily transient routine is highly unpredictable, all high ridership routes should be considered infected with BHE Spores, a routine lysol shower and immediate washing of all clothes traveled on the bus for the day in question is recommended to render the spores uncontagious. More reports on this later after future investigation

Crisis at the sleazy shoreline Meth Center n Clinic

As road work is currently restricting access to the Shoreline Methadone Clinic, the local methadone scourge is at a state of emergency with rumors circulating that they are being shut down. A ideal situation for the average working commuter, let them die off.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Nearly Home

Well with the load of shit that transpired today, its apparent that the summer bum run is in full swing, ride at your own risk! Numerous instances of anti social and regunantly offensive behavior can be expected on all coaches n routes until Fall Rain Showers arrive in earnest. Have a nice evening...

The HotDogg Huckster is at it again...

Ohh what a treat, a true friend of the show has just boarded up here at Shoreline Fred Meyers and he's tryin to sell another Dogg, but when he gets no action on the regular, he whips out a chilidogg and gets a buyer who jews him down to a quarter for the chilidogg, this guy gots to weigh 350+, guess he just can't let a questionable Chili dogg chance going to waste. So I tell the Huckster to load up with the Freddies Clam Chowder tommorow and to have lots of crackers handy, dudes like can-do but wants a 50 cent deposit, "get the Fuck out of here" is my comment, bring some tacos tommorow if you wanna get paid! He gets all bummed out and were arriving at the transit center where I spy a couple of enormous cow looking things chowing down on mondo burritos from taco del mar, aha... its the Home Depot customer service counter girls lunch hour, more like a trough hour, gonna be a blowout in there tonight, steer clear.

And at the Brown Bear Car Wash in Shoreline...

This half drunk cat runs up on the bus and starts begging for gas money, before the driver can give him the boot, he gets a sob storry out about how he's run out of gas in the car wash. What a putz! The Bosnian at the exit to the car wash is screaming somethin in eastern european tongue at this clown, and we proceed on without the presence of the carwash con-artist.

The Random Bus Shitter with SHAME

At 130th n Horora We witness this dude bbolt off the bus with what could only be a rough booze trot seeping through the back of his jeans and down his leg, he's running into Albertsons, it sucks to be on courtesy duty there today.. This Episode is notable as the average Bus Drunkard would rather spray the funk of rotten skunk shit around than disembark any bus that he has happened to shit himself on, interesting, I bestowed that dude with a Bumtology designation of Shamus Amos, this blog will be keeping our eye out for his sorry ass in the future.

The Broken Down Methadone Bag-Ladies

The chatter of two 40 somethin Methadone bags is stirring up a hornets nest of deviant conversation in the middle of this coach, and drunken Leroy starts hollering about some money one of 'these bitches stole from him' atleast this is getting the mullahs to move to the front. And yep.. just another week willed driver is in charge here, so its going to be a boisterous ride, with numerous referances from usless scourge about how their boys are gonna gat your ass at the end of the line. And the funk of 40 thousand whiskey trots begins to eminate from the front, WE HAVE A BUS SHITTER ALERT!

For Goodness Sake, will someone please cook some Bacon

Its like the local Afghan to Pakistan Turban n Rug Express, with 42 cameless jockeys riding on the roof. This would be the oppurtune time to be chowing down on Jack's new Bacon Chees n Chicken combo-just to clear a path and a seat as these are just the type of Mullahs that would declare holy war on my sandwich. I'd like to run this bus right into a Hog Rendering Plant and announce "End of the line, and we got a special on pork roasts at door 1 plus a sausage squeezing clinic at door 2"

Monday July 9th, afternoon 358 run, northbound, heavy squalor...

And the site of my first bus shelter being used as a parking garage for the wellfare transients roll-out of choice-the value village shopping cart. The thought of a mad-max movie set comes to mind... Well were back to the regular grind here waiting for bus 358 with several hammered mexicans holding down the the stop in a pathetic display of home-depot 'I wanna work holmes' slouching. This mornings commute was highlighted with the site of SnowSuit Steve prancing around like the Proctor and Gamble propolactic poster boy, I surmised that someone spiked his morning big bite or one of his many derelict pals put the Preparation-H label on a tube of Wasabi. He sure looked like somethin was burnin up his asshole. And here comes the 358, stand bye for the forcast

Friday, August 6, 2010

An Early Morning Thought...

After all... the Drunken Fisherman has to blab about his exploits... Well anyway, Yes it is true ALL COMMUTERS ARE AT A STAGE OF BUMCON-1 AWARENESS until qualified authorities are able to access the situation. But as I'm getting geared up to go back out fishing, I think my earlier accessemant was correct, AVOID ALL PUBLIC TRANSIT ON FRIDAY AND THROUGHOUT THE NEXT 20 YEARS IF ALL POSSIBLE. As for me, after my earlier post that claimed I would not blog......... well a strange thing happened when I turned onto the 5 at 11:57 yesterday, I saw fucking wellfare bums in piece of shit cars fucking up the flow of traffic! As I am an advocate of public transportation this was a new experiance for me to have to huck snot-rockets at the asshole gayman who tried to cut me off, and I made a point to try to make sure this fag did not make it up to capitol hill in time for his milking, FUCKING FAGS IN FORZA'S! yet then I kept rolling forward and just made sure that Dame flamer would have no chance of making his 520 connection to fag hill, not that I have any problem with gay people, I just dont like the fag such ass bobby lee that likes to show me his ass when I payed for a comedy show and not a ass show. SO NOW WERE CREEPING ALONG THE SHIP CANAL BRIDGE but actually I just wanted to use the word 'creeping' but we started to roll and then I went to this horders house in mount lake terrace, he wasn't home, so I took some shit of mine that I needed for later fishing operations....

Thursday, August 5, 2010


Reports have been suspended due to SEAFAIR Festivities and the arrival of the Blue Angels as I'm using vacation time to go fishing instead of schweating it out on the motherfuckin 358, CHEERS, daily scourge reports will resume Monday Aug 9

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Tuesday August 3rd, Soutbound bus 358

Not much to report this morning, as its suspected that most local inebriated destitutes are focusing their panhandling efforts on this weeks BumFair 2010 festivities, BumCon-1 is in effect for dowwntown Seattle and South Lake Washington this week and weekend as historicly the lazy, and indigent attempt to maximize their panhandling earnings at SeaFair Festivities and Events, I for one would like to see a mayor that has the fortitude to 'Ban The Bum' from SeaFair. So expect an increased presence of nefarious and suspect vagrants panhandling at all events this week, Just say no to demands for change!